[talaniman]

You can't lose what you never had, but you can deal with what you know you have, and that's still just YOU.

[odilians10]

Threads merged.


My boyfriend and I had a big messy fight which ended up with us not speaking, I said some very hurtful words which included I was going back with my ex of 3yrs, but I later realized how much I care for him and I've been trying to apologize for it, we have not had a conversation about anything for about 1 month now, I apologized and he always says everything is cool, he ignores my text, then last week I was in town and fustrated that he won't speak to me then I showed up at his house to tell him how I truly feel about him and that I wanted him as a part of my life and he said it is going to take time. Later that evening I texted him to apologize for showing up at his house and he said is all good. For almost a week now after the inccident I've texted him a gnite, gmorning or hi and he does not respond. I need advice on how to handle this situation, I'm not a patient person but I feel deep in my heart that he's the rite person for me, I want to wait for him to heal but is him not talking to me a sign that he is done with us? Or what can I do or say to show him that I'm heartily sorry for my words?

[Syzygy]

Your constant attention giving and attention wanting is pushing him further and further away from you. All those texts might seem to you like you're just being friendly or trying to open up communication but it just causes more and more distance between you two because he made it clear that he wants time.

Even though right now you're sad because of the end of the relationship and you want to wait for him, you're going to have to force yourself to stop all contact with him, including the texting goodnight and goodmorning. During this time, keep yourself busy with other activities and when you find your mind wandering towards him, force yourself to think about something else. Move on from this guy.

You've already said you are sorry, he's already accepted your apology, but now he doesn't want you in his life anymore.

[talaniman]

He said it is going to take time.

Your way isn't working, try mine and give him the time he needs. If and when he is ready he will let you know. That's pretty much the price you pay for careless hurtful words that its to late to take back, and require more than an apology to get over. Learn that valuable lesson for the future.

I'm not a patient person

That's not going to work out for you a lot of the times.

[Kaitlyn1988]

I agree with Syzygy in that your guy wants some time away from you right now. What you said probably really hurt him. I don't agree that he doesn't want you back at all. That could very well be true, but then again, he might just need some time (and by that I mean days, possibly weeks, not hours or minutes). The more you push yourself on him, even in those little texts, is just more time that he's going to need away from you to figure it out. What you may need to do, if you haven't all ready is plainly ask him if he will consider you two getting back together. If he says he needs time to get over what happened, or think, then you will know to give him space and continue to hope. I would recommend only contacting him at the most once every three or four days at most. However, it is also quite possible that he will say no. And then you will know that you have to force yourself to move on. While that might seem like it would be worse than wondering if there is hope, it will be easier in the end if you find out now and begin moving on, rather than after a few weeks of wondering you find out he's seeing someone else. Regardless, the guy needs his space right now, and the only way to have him in your life at all after this incident is to give him that space.

[chuff]

I'm not sure why a guy would take you back if you handle an argument by saying your going to sleep with someone else. To me that's an admission of cheating. It sure doesn't speak volumes about your loyalty.

So you admit that and now you are trying to force him into something. That's not going to work. He needs time to sort out if she should trust you. You are not gaining trust by constantly harassing him.

[odilians10]

I already know that he's not coming back rite now, but from all my past relationships every one of my exs always comes back when I've moved on and then is too late and I never go back. I'm trying to avoid all of that and want to fix things with him. I'm afriad to cut off every contact with him becos if I do then is completely ova for me. I'm confused on what to do, do I give myself a deadline before moving on?

[chuff]

i already know that he's not coming back rite now, but from all my past relationships every one of my exs always comes back when i've moved on and then is too late and i never go back.

So this is a pattern of behavior.

i'm trying to avoid all of that and want to fix things with him.

I think you need some fixing. This pattern of behavior repeats itself and yet it's not a good behavior. You are practicing self sabotage. Why? My guess is you have control issues and by threatening to leave someone for an ex you feel like you can control them to behave or do what you want.

i'm afriad to cut off every contact with him becos if i do then is completely ova for me. i'm confused on what to do, do i give myself a deadline b4 moving on?

I think this is great news for you. This gives you the time you need to find out what is causing these behaviors and what can you do to fix them.

[talaniman]

I think she acts without thinking, and then doesn't want to pay the consequenses of her actions. Post #21 was quite revealing.

[liz28]

You keep doing the same thing over and over. When will you learn?

[chuff]

I think she acts without thinking, and then doesn't want to pay the consequenses of her actions. Post #21 was quite revealing.

Tal I'm confused, if I'm right this post I'm making here is post #21? I looked in the upper right hand corner is that not the post number?

[talaniman]

LOL, your right, I meant post #12. The eyes (or the brain ) ain't what it use to be.

[odilians10]

Hi everyone, I'm still in the same situation with the same guy and am trying to change my ways and now I'm in tears becos I realized how bad I messed up and want to do anything to make things right, he finally responded to my text after a while and said believe it or not we are friends, I told him I still like him a lot and didn't mean for things to be this messy and his response was I understand, I really want him back and don't know what or how to go about it becos I feel like the damage is too much , I'm going about it the wrong way by texting everyday for the fast 3 days, I can't control it

[Torrid13]

I think you need a crash course in a couple of areas:

1.) Thinking before you speak.

2.) Not being dependent on others for happines.

[COCADA]

Your thread I SOOO similar to mine, but I don't think you screwed up as bad as me. I didn't tell him I was going to sleep with someone else , but I told him horrible hurtful things things as well. I was in so much pain and my way of letting out that pain was by sending him hateful texts, and now I regret sending every single one of those texts and I ended up losing him for good. I still beat myself up for that sometimes, but what done is done, and now I know what not to do next time.

[odilians10]

I agree, but are you guyz still friends at all?

[Torrid13]

>.>?

[talaniman]

How do you expect to be friends with someone you are so attached too?

Heal your broken heart first, get some better perspective, and see what happens AFTER that.

[Torrid13]

Oh, her post confused me. I thought she was asking US if we were still friends with her. >.>

[odilians10]

Lol @ torri's post sorry about the confusion, yes tal I've let him go and is healing now..