[concernedtwo]

My current fiancé had a child by her husband 5 years ago, he was apart of the child's life for roughly 2-4 months after birth and then he devorced her. Since then he has moved steadily further and further away and is now working as a Bartender at a strip club, has another baby girl and has a steady girlfriend, more than 400 miles away. Between the ages of 4 months and 5 years, this man has seen his son no more than 2 times for a total period of about 14 days. He didn't start paying child support until early last year, he is roughly 6 grand in back support and he is paying the minimum allowed, so he is now paying it but not paying for the back child support on top of it. He of course does not report his tips so he makes 6 dollars an hour and the government takes 10% of that through court mandated garnishes.

The man was taken to court about 6 months prior to actually paying child support. He told the judge that he was ready to take responsibility and pay childsupport, he also told the judge that he was going to see his son for EVERY visitation. Almost 8 months had passed since the court date and he did not visit his son for any of the visitation days, nor did he come for his holidays(fathers day). He moved addresses without sending a certified letter to the mother informing her of his move, which he is supposed to do according to her, he has also promised visitation and didn't follow through with it. Something always came up.

I have been in my fiance's son's life for almost a year now, I helped him through all of the regression that he was forced through. He knows that I am not his real father.. however when asked who is "name1" he promptly states "my daddy". The problem is after 5 years of neglect his father is trying to pop back into his life, he refers to his biological father as Daddyname, as though that is his real name. He took him for 1 week this summer, which I believe his girlfriend actually took care of him (feeding, bathing, etc.) The boy wanted to go back home within 3 days, but not because he was homesick or wanted mommy/daddy, he wanted to go because "the excitement" had run out. The boy loves loves loves to talk on the phone, however when his bi-father calls up randomly he tries to give the phone away asap.

Bottom line, he refused child support until he was court ordered to pay them or go to jail. He is not making up for backchildsupport even if he is paying it now. He makes promises to see him, even in front of a judge, and he has yet to fulfill it. Every time he has moved he has moved further and further away from his son, he refuses to try any attempt to move closer. We are wanting to pursue legal action to remove his parental rights. Only by a heartfilled plea was the judge leaving him with parental rights. He immediately deterred from his speech as soon as he was out of the court room.

Please leave any guidance possible... we would both greatly appreciate it.

[N0help4u]

By removing his parental rights what do you hope to accomplish if he is not seeing his son anyway? Let him move further and further away and see him less and less. The best thing is to just let it be and when his son is older he will know for himself what a uncaring dad he has.

After you are married you can offer to adopt and tell him that he won't have to pay future child support as an incentive to give up his rights but right now as long as he is crying to the Judge he wants his rights and you aren't married you are not in the position yet to have his rights terminated.

1. So get married
2. offer to adopt with the incentive he only pays back support
3. He agrees
4. wife and him go in and have that put in place.

[concernedtwo]

Excellent advice... thank you.

[concernedtwo]

Sorry for the double post. I guess this was a huge frustration let out post ontop of asking for some sort of resolution. I feel better... I must say.

[ScottGem]

Normally, it is very hard to get an involuntary TPR. As NoHelp4u said, there is no point in even trying until you are ready to adopt.

Your statement that the judge was about to issue a TPR makes me think it will be possible if you are ready to adopt.