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Ijustwantadvice · Jul 13, 2009, 06:49 AM

I started going out with this girl a little over two months ago. We have a lot in common, we make each other laugh, and we always seem to have fun together. The only difference is that she goes to a lot of parties, and I generally do not. (We are both 17). This was never really a problem until 3 days ago, when she got really drunk, and kissed another guy. She called me right after it happened, cried the whole time, and begged my forgiveness. I know she only kissed him because one of my friends was there and he told me the next day. I was pretty hurt at first, but at the same time I didn't think too much of it because she was drunk, she told me right away, and felt terrible about it. Yesterday we hung out, and things felt like they were getting back to normal. But this morning she told me she still felt really guilty and that every time she saw me she felt like a terrible person. I know she would never cheat if she were sober. She had always said she thinks cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone, and the fact that she did it makes her want to die (metaphorically). So we decided to not hang out for a little while, to take a break, until we feel like we can move on from this. But I don't like this, because I had already moved on for the most part. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Should I still text her or call her like I always have, or should I stop communicating? We are both pretty adament on not breaking up. Thanks for reading all this.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 06:59 AM

It sounds like you have voiced that you are already over it, and it seems more like she might need this "break" until she can forgive herself.

If she knows your position on things then the ball is in her court now. There isn't much you can do besides assure her that you are over it, it happened in the past, and move forward.

I would just reiterate your feelings to her, tell her to take the time she needs to not feel guilty anymore, and give her space. If she feels guilty every time she sees you, then maybe you shouldn't contact her until she can get over it.

Wish I could give you better insight than that... best of luck!

kctiger · Jul 13, 2009, 06:59 AM

So... she won't cheat when she is sober, but if she is drunk it is cool beans right? You have been dating her for two months. That is really not long at all. I think you are finding that perhaps she isn't the girl for you. I think that you are just way too young and naïve to see that, but I would end things if I were you as I could see this taking a turn for the worst and "kissing" a guy won't be the worst that will happen. Get it? She will still be going to parties, still getting drunk and I would think since you aren't into that scene, you will be the one at home worrying "what next"? Not worth it to me.

Enjoy dating and don't get caught up in complications. Too young for that BS.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 07:06 AM

Yea I'm not a big fan of the "alcohol" excuse either. If you can't control yourself while drinking, then maybe you shouldn't drink to the point where you lose control.

Then again that's not your issue to work on, it's hers. If it were me I would break things off, but it would bother me more than it's bothering you.

I wish · Jul 13, 2009, 07:13 AM

Only 2 months and you already have so many issues. Sounds like trouble to me.

Leave each other alone for a while. If she really cared about you, she will look for you. Until then, just do your on thing and don't worry about her.

As difficult as this might be, it sounds more like she's not your type of girl.

Ijustwantadvice · Jul 13, 2009, 08:13 AM

I know I might be doing the wrong thing by staying with her... but I think I'm going to try anyway. I'm young and naïve, so maybe if I get hurt in the end I'll grow up a little. I want to clarify that I am NOT OK with cheating of any kind, I just know that people make mistakes when they drink. She has never done anything more than kiss another guy at a party before, even when she was single. I choose to believe her about that. She also said she had never cheated on anyone before, and I believe that too. If this happened again, I would end it, but I'm a believer in second chances. She really is a great person and you would probably think so too if you didn't know about this and met her somewhere. She's the kind of person that is friends with everybody she talks to. I do not question her character. Maybe I'm just blinded by my feelings though... idk. I think I'm just going to give it some time and see what happens. Thanks everybody, I'm glad there are people out there willing to help people.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2009, 09:14 AM

Your finding out some things about her, as not only the partying, and drinking, and the weird behavior that comes with it, but her own guilt trip, which makes this relationship unreliable. That's something to be aware of.

Now you can tell her your cool with that, and want to move on from it to better things, but know before hand she may do this again, and with the same results, breaking up after a drunken mistake.

Realize she is young, and dumb, about her behavior, and either accept it, or don't, but don't think she will change overnight if ever.

Can you deal with that? I sure wouldn't. Naïve or not.

Ijustwantadvice · Jul 17, 2009, 09:14 AM

I broke up with her two days ago. You were all right, I can't deal with whatever she is doing. We were pretty good friends for about a year before we went out, so hopefully I'll be able to be there for her as a friend instead.