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bigdud · Jul 12, 2009, 09:37 AM

My wife and I are having problem in our marriage because we have said and done things to each other in the past that were not very nice or loving. We have decide that we want to keep trying to make our relationship work we have different views on how our lives should be like she is a stay a home mom for our 2 kids. An I work wired hours. She feels that her life is unfullfiling and she met a female that she is attracted to.I asked to stop seeing her, but can't stop see at the beginning we argue about it but now I feel like I am falling out of love because of it. I told her to stop talking to her and she did. She only did for 4 days then started back talking to her again. She started lying about where she was going and doing. So to avoid more arguing I said you can see her but only if I'm around so it worked for a while. Then we eventually had a threesome with this female I was the first man she had ever been with. She was also the first woman my wife had been with. A week later things return back to normal an she started seeing her again on a more one on one basis instead of the relationship spreading to both of us, it stayed just as those 2 I don't think I would have such a problem if both of us were engage in a relationship with this person but a since it is just them I find myself jealious and angery at there relationship. I talked to my wife about this she say what they have does not need a title and that it is not a relationship. My wife says I'm an because I asked her again to stop talking to her so we could work on our marriage she say I did not consider the female's feelings. Am I wrong for choosing the action that I did? My wife also thinks I'm smothing her because I want to know what going on in there relationship I check email and read her text message to the other female because when I asked her she does not answer my question should I go about this a different why?

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 12:09 PM

By your having a threesome you are basically condoning her actions. You need to stand firm if you want her to be faithful and working things out. But I think she has made up her mind. She is going to continue disrespecting your relationship no matter what you say or do.

Yes what they are doing does have a title it is called cheating. The same rules apply whether she is with another guy or a girl---SAME RULES --it is still cheating--NO matter WHAT she wants to call it.

So do you want to be the third wheel or get out of the relationship because it sounds like her mind is made up and her decision is clear.

artlady · Jul 12, 2009, 01:32 PM

When you bring a third party into a relationship,someone is bound to be left out.

It is unfair of you to say you will accept this relationship only if you are getting in on the action.

That is sending the message that your only objection is that you aren't getting in on the sex.

If you want this to end and she refuses than you need to give her an ultimatum,you or the new GF.

It sounds like you and your wife could benefit from some counseling.While in counseling ,she should stop her relationship with the other woman.

Kagan88 · Jul 12, 2009, 01:35 PM

I don't agree with what your wife is doing at all... It is disrespectful and dangering to not only your relationship but the relationship of the childeren as well... but by you acting in a role by deciding to have a threesome is ignorant as well... It seems to me that your wife is in no hurry to end her relationship with this other woman... I think it's time to put the children first and figure what is right for them... which mean a parent has to step up and be responsible. I understand that you want to work on your marriage and I'm not telling you to give up on it. Just don't engage in any more activities with your wife and her friend... and have a talk with her.

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 02:17 PM

I know people who do threesomes and that is their logic that if the couple is doing it together with the third party it is consentual but it is cheating if it is only one of them.

Personally I don't buy the logic because it is only them trying to justify their actions. Like someone who swears off sweets and then eats the icing but not the cake and says its okay that they broke their diet because they didn't eat the cake.

I would be telling her bye-bye because it is obvious that this other woman is more to her than her husband and their relationship

Ren6 · Jul 12, 2009, 06:02 PM

I'll put a title to what your wife is doing. It's called an "affair". This three-some was a dangerous thing. To me, it sounds like you went along with it because your wife was interested in this other woman. Now, she's extremely into this other woman- but she's not into you so much. If she's willing to go to marriage counseling, get her in there, but frankly, she sounds like a late-blooming lesbian. I wish you the best...