[MaxSch]

Hey,

I am /was in a very serious relationship with a girl. Just to give you the situation. It was a long distance relationship, for the last 9 month. Me in Germany , her in Boston.
It was never easy etc. but it worked.
Yesterday now, I talked to her and she told me she wants a break for the next like 2 months or so , before she is coming to Spain. Than she would be open to go on with the relationship again because the distance would be easier to overcome.:(
When I asked her about why she wants it, she told me that she is unhappy with the situation right now and under these circumstances that she is unhappy right now , she does not want to have this relationship. Until like in 2 month when she is in spain, and so closer to me.

But the big thing that wondered me is, she was always the pulling and pushing part in the relationship. She got mad at me when I last summer would not be talking to her a lot on the internet, cause it was nice out and I spent time with my friends. But now she says that she wants exactly that for herself. And she wants to have a happy summer. It seems like she spinned 180° and completely changed her view at this relationship.

When she said she wants a break I tried to make compromises but she would not want any.
I don't know what to do now. I mean I am going to be very busy for the next 2 month anyway and would not have had that much time to talk/skype with her.
I still love her a lot and I don't want to loose her. But I also could not stand the thought that she is like doing whatever with other guys. I don't want to be like a train to her where she hops on and off whenever she wants.
At the end of our talk yesterday she got very y.

So I am not sure right now if she just wants to break up with me in like a "nicer" way by saying its just a "break for 2 month" or if she just really cannot handle the situation with the distance right now and is afraid that her summer at home would be influenced badly by going on with the relationship as it was (basically an email every day, some chatting etc. )

She also said we need to do some maturing. When I asked her what exactly that would mean for her, she did not give me any details.

I don't understand really what she means , what she wants, if she is honest with that "break" and what she means with maturing. Is she like whoring around now or what?

If someone could please help me out here a little bit and maybe give me some more information and tell me the real meaning of what the things she said mean.

Thanks in advance.

Max

[kctiger]

If someone could please help me out here a little bit and maybe give me some more information and tell me the real meaning of what the things she said mean.

Can't tell you what her "meanings" or "intentions" really are... but, I can do you one better. I can tell you what she doesn't mean: I still want a relationship with you.

So, with that in hand, take from it what you will and go from this as if it is over. Just me, I wouldn't put my life on hold for two months while someone else was in another country having the time of their life. Get busy having fun and worry about the other stuff IF it pops up.

[davett]

Been there when the g/f asks for a break. We broke up a few weeks later. Its kind of her way of seeing if she can cope without you being there. All I would advice is give her all the space she wants, don't contact her and see if she misses you. Meanwhile get on with your life as best you can

[MaxSch]

I might have to add, that when me asking her about how this looks she did not say anything. But... she said that she wants it to be like" when i am in spain i want to be able to call you and stuff...". Don't know..
I guess I will see... I still await an email from her about her htoughts to the compromises I made yesterday.. she promised to get back to me about that.

But yeah.. I guess I leave her , her space.. just so she can like get in clear with herself...
I mean.. she is pretty direct.. and she told me how the break up with her last boyfriend.. and there she just was straight up like " sorry dude , no more"...
She still considers me to be a great part of her live..
I mean I got to say, due to my studying etc I was pretty rough and not that nice all the time.. maybe she just wants that to be gone for the time she is home with her family to enjoy that without me writing kind of rough emails..

It would not make sense for her to be sneaky with a break up.. her going to spain has a great lot to do with being closer to me.
So.. I don't know...
I am still opened to any opinions. Especially with people that had the same stuff going one once..

Thanks,


Max

[sully123]

Sorry Max for you, I understand its hard for the two of you to even maintain a relationship that far away, you being in Europe and her in Boston. I honestly can see where she is coming from. You have only been together for 9 months, seems long for you, but its really not. It's actually the getting to know each other stage the first year. I would move on, and date other people, as hard as it is. Don't put your life on hold.It's not fair to either one of you.

[MaxSch]

Hey sully,

We are actually together for 18 month so quite over a year.

[winding200]

Well, it is not a good sign. She wants to break for entire 2 month, and will not talk to you at all? She might be losing interest, or testing you if you are really serious or not. Ensure you love her with your full heart since you were not nice last summer. Every relationship has ups and downs and it is normal.
Even though you are busy, give her extra attention, do a lot of sweet things, (e.g. send flowers, small gifts etc) to make her feel that you are with her there physically.

The best thing you can do is tell her you will be supportive and understanding, and have fun over summer, but without other guys. You have your right to say it as boy friend. Keep sending sweet emails and calls whenever your time allows, but do not accuse her if she does not return 100%. She will come back to you after summer if it was her real intension.

Girls are attracted to a guy who is emotionally stable and generous. Girls have hormonal cycles, and mood is keep changing. If you show you are nervous when she is emotional, she will play more games on you. (it is human nature) You have no choice but be cool and wait.
If she comes back, spend extra quality time together, or level up your relationship. Are you planing to have your future with her? If you do, make some plans and talk about the plans with her. How serious are you?

[talaniman]

You really need to stop speculating and assuming. She dumped you and you should leave her alone and heal, and then see how things go. Hanging around as a friend is not wise, just because you will always be wondering if she is coming back, and that's not friendship, its false hope and your only fooling yourself, holding on to what? NOTHING.