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JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 03:05 PM

Bf & I just broke. He can be a very emotional and jealous man (self admittedly).

We planned on meeting up with friends at a con. He & I in our own room, the rest in a big one because they wanted to save $. B4 break boyfriend said if I wasn't able to go, he would ONLY go for one day. I decided to bunk with the group to save money too. Now he wants to stay all the nights with all of us and if it's OK with me, he will bunk with us too. This from a guy who didn't want to go but one day if I couldn't go... and now we aren't together and he wants to stay all the days in a crowded room, if it's OK with me, of course? Am I wrong or does it sound like he's keeping an eye on me?

ajGambino · Jul 6, 2009, 03:18 PM

Sound about right.

Maybe he wants you back because he sees that you can have fun without him?

Maybe he wants you back because he's dealing with some insecurities that make him think you will do something to hurt him?

Sounds like you broke up with him.

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 03:27 PM

This was pretty recent. I didn't like some things he said and how he said them. He has a right to be upset but not a right to be a total JERK. Sometimes we get our wires crossed and just to be sure, I sent him a message 3 times asking "You broke up with me, correct?" to which he never responded.

Now this from a guy who repeatedly said if I wasn't going to be there he would only go for a day and that's it, OK... I get that. So I decided to bunk with a group because money is tight. I'm sure it's tight for him as well, but more tight for me right now.

So we break up and he decides that he wants to stay the whole three to four days and bunk with me and our friends? Why would someone do that??

I'll get through it, but it just seems odd to me... as if he is ONLY wanting to stay longer or even bunk with us peroid to keep an eye on me.

How do you from "if you aren't there, I'll only stay go for the day" to since we broke up and if it's OK with YOU "I'll bunk with you all to save money".

In all fairness, these are mutual friends.

chachisplace · Jul 6, 2009, 03:49 PM

The only reason I could see that he would want to bunk with you is because he is worried about what you may get up to if he is not there. To me that gives off the impression that he still wants to be with you and doesn't want anyone else to hit on you.

If he didn't care he wouldn't go full stop! And if you didn't care about him you would tell him that it wasn't a good idea! But by the sounds of it you both still care about each other.
Maybe you need to talk to him before this event happens and discuss what the actual problems were. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels about you.

It is not important "who broke up with who", if you both still get jelous and worried about each other being alone in a room full of other people then there is room to work with there.

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 04:00 PM

He is the jealous one... self admittedly. I will always care as I am sure he will. I just surprised me that for a man who broke up with a woman that he would even want to room with a group that had me included. If it was a long time ago that we broke up, sure, I can understand, but days ago... it's a little odd.

I have tried to talk to him before hand. I don't want this to be odd for everyone and I know that if we were to talk and clear the air before hand, we would be on a friendly level and no worries about spats.

I tried to call, no answer. That's typical with him.

Either way it will work itself out. Sometimes things like this surprise me... and this one did.

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 04:02 PM

p.s.

I love how he says "if it's ok with me".

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 05:06 PM

Well I tried to call him so that we could clear the air some and not make it awkward for everyone who is going to be there... won't answer the phone, won't respond to texts... what the hell??

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 05:22 PM

He's talking to our friends but won't answer at all if I call or text. I wanted to clear the air some so that it wouldn't be so strange around all our friends but he won't say a word to me... but then says if it's OK with ME, he'll stay with all of us to save some money.

So he's not going to talk to me, the girl he just broke up with but he's going to bunk with me and a bunch of other people in a hotel room days after breaking up..?

Can anyone explain this?

I am trying to be as nice as I can but what in God's name is going on here...

Whey would he say if it's OK with me and then stay there for 3 days... and then won't even speak to me on the phone??

Is this nuts? I thought he was just trying to keep an eye on me.. but now... I have NO CLUE.

Someone, please help.

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 07:36 PM

I'm so confused and sad.

friend4u178 · Jul 6, 2009, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by JustLaw

I love how he says "if it's ok with me".

Why don't you just tell him it's NOT OK with you.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 6, 2009, 09:43 PM

No contact is best. I've always found it really difficult to get over someone when they were commingling after the break. Try your best to take some time to yourself without him, and get over him.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2009, 10:02 PM

Now this from a guy who repeatedly said if I wasn't going to be there he would only go for a day and that's it, OK... I get that.

But you are going to be there, and so is he, that's not confusing at all.

So I decided to bunk with a group because money is tight. I'm sure it's tight for him as well, but more tight for me right now.

That's exactly why he is going to do what your doing, bunk with friends and save money. How else can he be there where you are.

So we break up and he decides that he wants to stay the whole three to four days and bunk with me and our friends? Why would someone do that??

Kind of obvious, to be with you.

So he's not going to talk to me, the girl he just broke up with but he's going to bunk with me and a bunch of other people in a hotel room days after breaking up..?
Can anyone explain this?

He will be there with you and he knows your going to take him back.

I am trying to be as nice as I can but what in God's name is going on here...

Your allowing him back in your life, and he knows you'll take him back. Geez, you are the one calling him over, and over, to clear the air? Yeah right, your ready to get back together.

Whey would he say if it's OK with me and then stay there for 3 days... and then won't even speak to me on the phone??

Oh come on, your not that naïve, you know good and well he is looking to hook back up. Come on now!

Is this nuts? I thought he was just trying to keep an eye on me.. but now... I have NO CLUE.

Yes you do, you are just thrown off with is avoiding talking to you, but you know this spat is over and he is making sure you miss him enough to take him back, because your ready to end this confusion over this break up.

There is no way he lets you go without him. You know that. Your both stubborn, so of course he will avoid you till then.

If you didn't want his company, you would have said so. You both must be young, with this drama, and relationship dance between you. Just as I thought, you both are just stubborn.

JustLaw · Jul 6, 2009, 10:04 PM

I agree.

When I first agreed that it was OK, I believed he and I would talk before hand and clear the air and be civil, especially since he said "if it was ok with me". Then everyone recalculated the cost of the event and made arrangements.

That's when I called him to talk to him about how we would handle things especially shring a room with a bunch of our friends. Then he wouldn't take my call. He would talk to others about making arrangements but not to me. That's when I got this bad feeling that he was just staying there to keep an eye out on me... and that it was going to be WAY more awkward that it needs to be or could have been.

Now to change plans, again, puts out a large number of people. I am checking on other options for myself. I volunteered for this event and there are some once in a life time opportunities that will be going on so I will do what I have to do. So now telling him now (after realizing he isn't going to speak to me at all, but yet share a room with us all puts out a lot of people) I have to take them into consideration as well.

It does make me sad that he acts this way when wanting to share a room. I'll do my thing and he will do his.

But, for the life of me, I can't comprehend why he would want to stay a few days in a room full of people myself included when he was always so adament about only going for a day (a few hours) if I couldn't make it...

He is a jealous man I know... but come on now. It just doesn't add up.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2009, 10:21 PM

Now your being stubborn again, and making excuses for yourself. Your more worried that he will ignore you than anything else.

That's what you get when couples have drama, instead of working out their problems through honest communications. CONFUSION!

How old are you both, and how long has this relationship been going on? Do you live together? I don't think you do, but I could be wrong.

JustLaw · Jul 7, 2009, 09:50 AM

Hello!

We are passed old enough to know better, sad we didn't. We do not live together. We need to get a grip, I hope I got one.

I am sad about how everything came out, but it's life and I have to deal with it...

I called the people I have voulnteered with and explained how awkward the situation will be and they have no problem letting me bunk with someone else. So I have removed myself from that stituation.

It's good that I did find another room... good for me. There will be a jealous backlash though because my changing rooms will have to be the result of my supposedly doing who knows what... that, HE will have to deal with, his own jealousy.

It's a good feeling to know that I took a step for me.

Torrid13 · Jul 7, 2009, 10:40 AM

Creepy.

*Twilight Zone Music*

talaniman · Jul 7, 2009, 10:53 AM

I think you handled yourself very well. Now he has to handle himself, hopefully as well as you did.

Are you looking to clear the air still? Get back with him?

An over jealous partner is no fun, believe me I know.

JustLaw · Jul 7, 2009, 12:47 PM

I wanted to clear the air in terms to tell him "look we are both going to be here in this room, along with a lot of our friends who are also forking out money to be here, let's agree to be civil". That's about it...

Do I miss him, yah. Do I wish things could be different, yah. Would I like to talk to him, sure, I do miss him, but I don't want it to be a he - said she said fight. I don't want to talk to him in that way... in these conditions, with that stress.

He means well, but he can think things into situations that aren't there... at that's not OK.

I do know when he learns that I have switched rooms he is of course going to think the worst and I will get berratted with "why's and how comes" because as he always says "he wants to know".

I do want to talk to him, but not like this, there's no point in that at all. I just hope this doesn't make everyone else awkward which is a big concern of mine. I hope he agrees.

I have to stand my ground and let myself become grounded. I hope he does the same, not for me, but for himself.

JustLaw · Jul 9, 2009, 04:35 AM

Well the big event is this weekend. I am so excited to be going! I am a bit nervous about seeing him, but I will deal with that when it comes. The main focus for me is to have fun!!

Still, a bit odd.

vanheart · Jul 16, 2011, 07:21 PM

Hey JL,

How's it going?

Sounds like this guy likes to play games. Doesn't really care. Or is completely inept.
Hope you are realizing, or worked that out yourself.

Was actually reading back through my OP & what you wrote about being with a narcissist.

Really meant a lot, still does. Thanks. You helped me so much.

Van.