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talaniman · Jul 7, 2009, 05:07 PM

You know, it almost sounds as if your roles have been reversed, and since you spend so much time away from each other, due to your job, maybe you need to get reacquainted with some quality alone time.

Sex is but an expression of other feelings that may have changed, when life has thrown some changes at you. You have to understand, I think, your not as available as you were to him, and its hard to be spontaneous, or even that excited, when you have been absent.

I don't know if he is having an affair, but I do know that the physical love changes, as we age, and it may take more to get the love engine cranked up. ( Okay I'm an older husband, and we don't swing from chandeliers, naked any more)

It really sounds like the communications are just not there, and the adjustments through honest communications is spotty.

Whens the last time you did something fun together??

jmjoseph · Jul 7, 2009, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by lucytwo2

Its hard to tell.I work 2 jobs and dont see him alot of the time.But when I do get home he is there.I just get the feeling here we go again.But why would he take the chance ?

So there is TIME for him to have an affair. I know you don't want to become Nancy Drew, but you may want to investigate what's going on. Hopefully everything's OK.If he IS, I don't blame you for kicking him out.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2009, 05:18 PM

I'm thinking maybe if at all possible write out a new budget and cut costs. Then present the budget to him by saying I wrote out a plan where I think I might be able to quit one of my jobs and catch his reaction to that.

lucytwo2 · Jul 8, 2009, 02:29 PM

He wants me to quit my second job but right now we do have 2 mortgages and its just out of the question.I check his cell phone calls on line and I don't see anything that's unusual.Sometimes there's a strange number but I only see it once and never again.Then again if its someone that he works with he wouldn't need to make phone calls and he does get an hour lunch.What do I do just sit and wait and be miserable? And for how long.I miss the closeness and I really don't want to be with anybody else.

talaniman · Jul 8, 2009, 02:43 PM

What do I do just sit and wait and be miserable?

If your not willing to make adjustments to the circumstances of your present life, yes you will sit and be miserable.

And for how long.I miss the closeness and I really don't want to be with anybody else.

As long as you put everything before this marriage and judge things by the way it was, you will never see that you need to re connect with your partner, by making some time for yourselves.

Make all the assumptions you want as to the real problem between you, but unless you both work together, guess what, you'll never be close again.

You have much work to do. Sitting and being miserable accomplishes... nothing.