[tinbuktum]

We have been together for almost 6 years. We were living together for the fist 3 years and then he decided to study and therefore he moved to another city. I supported his idea and even helped him with his application process. Since 3 years now we are seeing each other just weekends or even less often. We both feel that relationship is not that deep anymore, as we both live separate lives -- different friends, etc.

Around a year ago we had a crisis, where he was not sure what he wants in his life. He was asking for space but did not want to loose me. Well, it was a hard time for me as I still love him, but somehow with time it got better. Now the same situation is coming again -- when he is with me, he is just into all the phone calls with his friends and I feel like he is here, but not really with me. I told him what I felt and that I was not sure I wanted to continue in this kind of relationship. He reacted very sad and asked me to wait for him until he finished this school so we could work our issues out.

I do not know what to do... I love so much. He tells me often that he loves me a lot and suffers as well. I am sure there is not another girl. It is just that I can not understand why he does not want to work on it now. It seems like his school and friends are more important to him than me. And this hurts my proud and my feelings. Should I wait for him or should I just forget him? I love him very much and we were planning on spending our lives together... I do not want to make a mistake...

I am very confused...

[ZoeMarie]

The fact that you're posting on here says you have doubts. You guys have been together for 6 years now. I think you should be able to talk to him about how you're feeling. If I was in this situation I don't know that I would stick around. It's hard to be with someone who only spends time with you when it's convenient for him. I realize he's in school, but if he didn't have time for a girlfriend he should have said that before now.

[winding200]

We all know very well how a man acts when he is in love with someone madly. He knows you enugh after 6 years. He would not do this if he does not want to loose you. He does not love you or love you enough. When your man is in this situation, he has doubt about the life long relationship with you. Make a firm conversation with him, don't act like a nice girl (even though you are in pain), and ask his real intention. I doubt he has marriage in his mind. I will not offer myself to someone who does not appreciate & want me 100%.

When I look back, all my ex boyfriend did this kind of drama in many different ways, that's why they are my ex. However when I had 2 years of long distance relationhsip with my boyfriend (now my husband), he never done (or thought about ) this kind of drama to me even though he had to go through a lot of stressful events in his life after we met (father's death, family stuff, job change from europe to us for us, sell his house & relocated in my place, etc). That's why we are happily married now.

[I wish]

I was actually in a similar type of relationship and said the same things. I thought that once I was done school, I could go back and work things out.

But that never happened. The relationship ended before I was done. I'm guessing that this is probably your first or second serious relationship. Sometimes people don't really know when to let go, because they cannot see the signs of when to call it quits.

If he says that he doesn't know what he wants, then there's a huge problem already. Seeing each other one a week or once every two weeks is very decent already, so I doubt the long distance part is the problem. (I only saw my ex once a month).

If a relationship is in trouble, it needs to be fixed as soon as possible. His lack of effort already shows us that he's not as committed in the relationship as you are. He says that he loves you just to keep you hanging around and avoiding the core problems. Those 3 words are so much easier and shorter to say than a long conversation about problems in your relationship.

Anyway, I can't recommend that you break up with him because ultimately that's your choice, but these are some of the factors that you should consider. Relationships are suppose to have a balance of fun and hard work. But based on what you told us, your relationship is based on sorrow and not much work (not much on his end at least).

[tinbuktum]

Thank you for your response!! It all makes a lot of sense, of course. Even though it is difficult to read it. But if my friend asked me for an advice in a similar situation, I guess, I would tell her the same. It is just so difficult to let go... The reason I am writing now is that we decided to take a break for now and I really feel like I need to make a decision this time, because I do not want to live in this kind of half-relationship any longer.

The most difficult part is this hope that is stupid but still there. Especially because he tells me he loves me so often... But I guess, he says it just to keep me around and it works very well for him because that is really this part, which makes me stay and then doubt.

[tinbuktum]

My other question would be: why would he want me to hang around if he does not want to be with me anymore? Like in case nothing better comes along?? Just can't get it... He could tell me straight and save some of this confusion... What is even worse, these moments, when he feels, that I might finish with him, he gets all emotional and very convincing that he loves me and wants to be with me, but need time etc.

[ZoeMarie]

My other question would be: why would he want me to hang around if he does not want to be with me anymore? Like in case nothing better comes along??? .

That's usually the case, not always, but usually...