[AKeagle]

She does not deserve to even see what you are doing in your life,or feel the comfort of 'oh I can talk to him in facebook any time...what I did couldn't have been that bad'
Stop giving her the comfort blanket
pull it off.Be a man.

Think I should delete her account and her friends and family, that have a connection to me, that I don't talk to anymore cause of this( they weren't my friends before her or someone I want to talk to)

I think deleting people is childish, that's why I have never done it to anyone

[paxe]

Couldn't have said it better. I would just delete her and block her. It may look childish but it is your way to feel better and not to have any temptation to go check her Facebook. Seriously, she is just trying to play with you and like 57373 said grow some balls.

I have to see my ex regularly because we have mutual friends and it is quite painful, but you have the chance of cutting everything loose and trust me if feels 10X better if you cut all ties.

[AKeagle]

Couldn't have said it better. I would just delete her and block her. It may look childish but it is your way to feel better and not to have any temptation to go check her facebook. Seriously, she is just trying to play with you and like 57373 said grow some balls.

I have to see my ex regularly because we have mutual friends and it is quite painful, but you have the chance of cutting everything loose and trust me if feels 10X better if you cut all ties.

I don't know how you can block someone on Facebook. But OK, I'll try that. And what if she tries to get back in contact with me afterwards, or send a add request.

At this point I still want her, but know it isn't for the best that she comes back so quick

[jolienoire]

i don't know how you can block someone on facebook. but ok, i'll try that. and what if she tries to get back in contact with me afterwards, or send a add request.

at this point i still want her, but know it isn't for the best that she comes back so quick

Hit the delete button. And don't worry about the what if's. If she sends a request hit the deny button.

[57373]

If she tried to contact you,guess what? It means you have the power

I didn't realize that until recently but the best thing to do when she tries?

Not write back.

No "okay" no "thanks" no "sure but I got to go"

No "why did we break up"

No "i'm sorry about..."

NOTHING.

It is the exes way of testing to see if they have power over you,if you write back,they are essentially "guilt free" if you don't they are aware you no longer care,and they have no power.

Sounds absolutely ridiculous and stupid and childish... but that's what breakups with these types of people are,to begin with.

[AKeagle]

Hit the delete button. and don't worry about the what if's. If she sends a request hit the deny button.

I got to delete all her friends and family too? Is this really the way to have a future with her?

[57373]

i gotta delete all her friends and family too? is this really the way to have a future with her?

FFS,there is no future with her.Do you want a wife who after 10 years or even 4 years and kids up and leaves one day for someone else,and you just wait until she's sure this is 'what she wants'

Is that honestly what you want for the rest of your life?

Do you see a life partner in that?

She's already done it as just a GIRLFRIEND which is hardly committed enough as a wife,and she can't even stay a girlfriend without getting bored.

[jolienoire]

i gotta delete all her friends and family too? is this really the way to have a future with her?

Now your just making excuses. You simply can't do it because you want to see what updates she has on her life. No contact means no contact if you don't want to delete her than don't. But if she contacts you don't respond. You can't keep letting her be in control, Take control of your own life.

[57373]

My ex did the same thing told me 'we lacked direction' 'there's the stress of school' 'maybe in the future we have a chance'

That was all bs and lies,it was someone else.

If your girlfriend really loved you,she would problem-solve and fix the situation,no matter what,if she had to wait,she would wait.Love does not have deadlines.

I can almost 100% guarantee there is someone else,maybe just in the back of her mind or physically.

How many times have you heard someone say 'ill do anything to fix this,anything'

'it's not you... its me'

Why is that a coined phrase? Because of this situation.

[AKeagle]

Does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. That people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.

[AKeagle]

My ex did the same thing told me 'we lacked direction' 'there's the stress of school' 'maybe in the future we have a chance'

That was all bs and lies,it was someone else.

If your gf really loved you,she would problem-solve and fix the situation,no matter what,if she had to wait,she would wait.Love does not have deadlines.

I can almost 100% gaurentee there is someone else,maybe just in the back of her mind or physically.

How many times have you heard someone say 'ill do anything to fix this,anything'

'it's not you...its me'

why is that a coined phrase? because of this situation.

There is someone else, I know a name, but nothing else.

[jolienoire]

does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. that people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.

Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.

It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.

[AKeagle]

Yes but it doesn't have to be tomorrow, It took my ex and I 10 years to get past that, We're married now. But We both moved on with our lives.

It's maybe something you don't want to hear, but I am living proof that ex do reconcile. Guess what in those 10 years we did not keep in contact.

I agree, it would be a horrible disaster if she came back to quick, I if I pushed her to give an answer, that is why I haven't done anything, talk to her... or her friends and family. I'm helping my cousin out who is going through something similar, and staying around my friends, and working/learning

[57373]

there is someone else, i know a name, but nothing else.

Ok then you see my theory is right.And I can bet you,any amount of money if you ask her about him she will say 'oh him,we're just friends."

And I can bet you to her friends when they ask why she left you for him she will say
"this guy was always there for me when me and my boyfriend fought,he's understanding,never gets angry and always helps me"

With every call you make to her she runs to him saying "haha my crazy ex is still obessed"

Trust me I've lived this...

[AKeagle]

Ok then you see my theory is right.And I can bet you,any amount of money if you ask her about him she will say 'oh him,we're just friends."

And I can bet you to her friends when they ask why she left you for him she will say
"this guy was always there for me when me and my bf fought,he's understanding,never gets angry and always helps me"

With every call you make to her she runs to him saying "haha my crazy ex is still obessed"

Trust me i've lived this...

Partly, I asked her about him, and she admitted everything to me, and she is now in a relationship with him, though I figured she was going into that. I won't call her, heck I want to change my cell number, but I've had it for 12 years, and its too much of a pain to contact everyone and tell them the new number. I even want to move somewhere else, cause of the price to rent, and being closer to my job. Though she could still get in contact with my parents, or through email, or the grape vines.

[57373]

The funny thing is though,I found out from a little bird that in my exes new relationship (leaving me for someone 'less angry')

They fight all the time.

Lol.

(only reason we fought to begin with was the 0 trust factor/constant going out/getting drunk/cheating)

My ex will never admit to me though,that the grass wasn't greener,because my ex burned me out so badly,And I would just say 'sorry I told you so' and laugh.

So in conclusion... what you need to do.Is let her do whatever she needs to do with this guy.
But whatever you do,do not be the third wheel,do not contact her,why? Because then she will blame you for any problems they have,trust me.You need to allow them to have their own problems and break up on their own terms,eventually she will tire of him as well (especially if she can just throw four years away like it's nothing) or guilt will catch up to her,and cause fights.

If she doesn't break up with him,and they ~stay together forever~,then you,again,have even more reason to move on.
Because everything in those four years obviously meant nothing,and why would you want leftovers anyway?

[paxe]

does anyone here believe that people grow up and change themselves. that people realize there mistakes and want to rectify them.

Maybe but I don't think there is any point in that. I still think you want to get back with her. There is no future with her anymore and you need to put it in your head. There is really plenty of girls in the sea and once you realize that she's not worth all the trouble you'll feel much better.

My ex told me she was bored, the passion wasn't there and that we didn't plan for the future. BS. There was somebody else and she didn't tell me even when she stringed me along. Don't contact her back, listen to all of us who passed by exactly the same thing, read all the threads and you'll see that we are mostly guys who got dumped after a couple of years and most of the time there was another guy or they dated right away. It's only history repeating itself. Delete her, her friends and all her family. Who cares if it looks childish, you're in pain and you need to heal and this is one way.

She took the decision of breaking up with you, it was her right. Now it's your right to cut all communications or anything reminding of her!

[jolienoire]

partly, i asked her about him, and she admitted everything to me, and she is now in a relationship with him, though i figured she was going into that. i won't call her, heck i want to change my cell number, but i've had it for 12 years, and its to much of a pain to contact everyone and tell them the new number. i even want to move somewhere else, cause of the price to rent, and being closer to my job. though she could still get in contact with my parents, or thru email, or the grape vines.

Well after all this waiting and hurting your doing, if she ever does come back you may not even want her. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. She may even change into someone you don't even want.

[paxe]

The funny thing is though,I found out from a little bird that in my exes new relationship (leaving me for someone 'less angry')

They fight all the time.

lol.

(only reason we fought to begin with was the 0 trust factor/constant going out/getting drunk/cheating)

My ex will never admit to me though,that the grass wasn't greener,because my ex burned me out so badly,And I would just say 'sorry I told you so' and laugh.

So in conclusion...what you need to do.Is let her do whatever she needs to do with this guy.
But whatever you do,do not be the third wheel,do not contact her,why? because then she will blame you for any problems they have,trust me.You need to allow them to have their own problems and break up on their own terms,eventually she will tire of him as well (especially if she can just throw four years away like it's nothing) or guilt will catch up to her,and cause fights.

In the event that she doesn't break up with him,and they ~stay together forever~,then you,again,have even more reason to move on.
Because everything in those four years obviously meant nothing,and why would you want leftovers anyway?.

Lol funny thing, I also heard from a little bird that my ex is starting at least a 2 year relationship with the guy she cheated on. The problem is that he went for a road trip and they will only have a couple of days together before the long term thing start. When I asked her about this guy she always says that he is a "friend"... when actually they were more than that. Anyhow past is the past.

[AKeagle]

Well after all this waiting and hurting your doing, if she ever does come back you may not even want her. Sometimes the chase is better than the catch. She may even change into someone you don't even want.

Yeah I totally agree, I have no idea what might happen tomorrow, well kind of. But I'm a sucker for believing in people, though I don't act like it, and am always running the different ways a situation might go