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JB0222 · Jun 25, 2009, 03:49 PM

I was recently engaged to by wife, due to time constraints by the military we have had to have a short . We both are OK with this but of course as people are human people will talk. Rumors start about both of us and our motives for rushing a wedding even though we have a strong solid relationship. We have built our relationship on Trust and Communication as I was taught from a young age that those are very key to making anything in life work. When all the talk first started it didn't phase either one of us because we just talked right through it and my fiancé has stated that she has 100% trust in me as I do in her. Although yesterday she was talking with a close friend of mine about a topic of a mistake that I had made in my past. Well after talking with him she mentioned that she is having a hard time trusting me. Now she didn't hide that she said that about me she was honest in telling me that but she says to me that she does trust me although she was scared and not really sure why she would say that. I am not sure if this is a preview of things to come or if I am just over reacting about a small statement that she made. But I have always told myself I would never get married and make that large of a commitment unless both myself and my future wife were in this together 100% and from the way she was talking to her friend and mine she isn't feeling as strongly as she leads me to believe.

Just Dahlia · Jun 25, 2009, 04:21 PM

If you have any doubts, please talk to her about them, you will be talking for the rest of your lives, you might as well start right now.:D

JB0222 · Jun 25, 2009, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

If you have any doubts, please talk to her about them, you will be talking for the rest of your lives, you might as well start right now.:D

We have talked about this and she says that she doesn't even know why she would say those things but it still puts some sort of doubt in my mind as to why she would have said it all in the first place. I mean is she really having trust issues with me, etc etc. Just a lot of things running through my head and it is hard to sort them all out.

Jake2008 · Jun 25, 2009, 05:52 PM

I would say that, as you said, having built a relationship on trust and communiction, there is still more work to be done. Maybe all it means is for her to be reassured.

What was she doing with your friend, and how did that topic come up in the first place. That sounds a little strange to me.

Talk, and then talk some more. As you said, communication is the key, but even more important is honest communication.

It may very well be something she said in a 'moment', and didn't mean anything by it too. We have all stuck our foot in our mouth from time to time.

JB0222 · Jun 25, 2009, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I would say that, as you said, having built a realtionship on trust and communiction, there is still more work to be done. Maybe all it means is for her to be reassured.

What was she doing with your friend, and how did that topic come up in the first place. That sounds a little strange to me.

Talk, and then talk some more. As you said, communication is the key, but even more important is honest communication.

It may very well be something she said in a 'moment', and didn't mean anything by it too. We have all stuck our foot in our mouth from time to time.

We are both in the military and she was at a training event with my friend for the day while I was back at normal work. So they really haven't had a lot of time to talk to each other and were kind of doing it then. Another concern I had is that she used the time to get to know one of my friends to ask questions about me almost as if she was trying to find something out that I haven't already told here ( which honestly is nothing I have been 100% open and honest with her ) in my head that worries me because the last thing that I want is for her to start second guessing our marriage, and not to mention trying to find something wrong with me.

IheartPugs · Jun 25, 2009, 10:02 PM

There's something I heard about somewhere, but I forget where.

It's like a Family Meeting, except everything you say will be forgiven, forgotten, and each person will help each other as much as they can with their problems. And if its something really bad, then the parents can't punish you if you do two things (one of which you already did):
First, you told the truth honestly
Second, you show you really are sorry.

You guys could up-grade it to a more mature level, and do something like that.

Gemini54 · Jun 25, 2009, 11:44 PM

It sounds to me like she has some insecurities and doubts and that perhaps the relationship is not as strong and solid as you thought.

Why would she start worrying about something that happened before you met? And more importantly, why would she be trying to find out about you behind your back?

These are the sorts of things that she should be talking to you about - not some other person.

I would also be concerned if I were you. Perhaps you ARE rushing into marriage and you could give some thought into taking things a bit more slowly. It does take time to get to know and trust your partner, even if they proclaim that they trust you 100%.

Marriage, as you have already said, is a serious commitment, not to be taken lightly, so taking a little longer to get to the altar may be a good thing for both of you and may relieve some of the pressure your fiancée is feeling.

I wish · Jun 26, 2009, 08:29 AM

I'm not sure what she found out about you, but it definitely really shocked her. Give her some time. Keep talking to her and comforting her. You can't expect her to get over the news overnight. Just continue to help her through her doubts. If you guys have a good communication base, then have faith that you will work it out. Just remember to be patient with her.