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slapshot_oi · Jun 22, 2009, 01:12 PM

I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half. She used to date the guitarist of my band, and is now dating me, unbeknownst to him (I think). The long and short of it is that I'm not into her at all and never was. We have nothing in common except for the fact we both know her ex-boyfriend. I never had any intention of dating her, but she came to a party that I was at and we ended up in bed together. Since then she's be after me non-stop. I've told her from the beginning that I'm not looking for a relationship and that I require a lot of space, but it doesn't sink in, as she texts me everyday and I usually ignore her, giving her the subtle hint to back off. What's worse, she insists that she is friends with my friends (of thirteen years mind you) although she's known them as long as she's known me, so she has and said she'll continue to see my friends without me, even if we stop seeing each other... ugh. They're all single and drunk all the time, they all just want to get into her pants but of course she denies it and thinks "they just think I'm cool to hang with", which I know isn't the case because they've all told me multiple times that they all just want to sleep with her.

But then this weekend, I met a friend of hers and I instantly dug her. They're not very close, she says they usually see each other during the summers only. I would like to get to know this other girl, she's someone I would actually like to date. She's more of what I usually go for, is a college graduate, has a good job, basically at the same level I am in life. The girl I'm seeing told me that her friend thought I was cute and that she "really likes me", I realize that could mean anything but I still enjoyed hearing it.

Anyway, it seems that if I wasn't in the situation I'm in, I could at least get a one date with her. I don't know how this girl would react if I approached her, she might be flattered but it would understand if she wanted nothing to do with me because I'm dating her friend.

What would you guys do, pursue the girl you actually like or break up with the one you don't and forget them both?

I wish · Jun 22, 2009, 05:34 PM

You should not be thinking about this other girl right now. You should break up with your current girlfriend because you're not even into her. Stop leading her on. Once you've given enough time to recover from the breakup, then you can possibly consider this other girl.

talaniman · Jun 24, 2009, 05:24 PM

You really need to broaden your horizons a bit, and stop leading your girl friend on. You must live in a very small town.

Wondergirl · Jun 24, 2009, 05:28 PM

Sounds like you're from my hometown of 500 people (not much going on there... ). Please forget both and improve your sense of empathy.

ZoeMarie · Jun 24, 2009, 05:40 PM

You need to be honest with this girl that you're dating. Then, after a while of being on your own, maybe, just maybe, and only if they really aren't close, you could work on getting to know this girl. How did this happen that you continued to date her if you weren't into her?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 24, 2009, 06:15 PM

Duh!
Why are you even asking if you should break up with the one you don't really like?
Would you like to have someone writing such things about you?
If you don't like this girl leave her alone, stop leading her on.
You really need to leave them both alone.

slapshot_oi · Jun 25, 2009, 09:19 AM

Nah, my town has 103,512 people in it. And we actually live in two different towns, 60 miles apart. She takes the commuter rail to come and hang at my place.

I'm leaving on a plane tonight, but I was thinking when I get back I'll send her a text saying: "Things have been great but I just don't feel it. I'm sorry but I think we just need to be apart".

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2009, 09:38 AM

You're going to text her? That's a bit tacky and cowardly. If you don't tell her face to face you could at least do it by phone.
I agree with ZoeMarie, leave out the BS about things being great, because according to you, they are not. She's still hanging around because you were leading her on.

slapshot_oi · Jun 25, 2009, 09:55 AM

Duly noted

slapshot_oi · Jul 9, 2009, 11:28 AM

Well, I did break it off with her, the exact words I used were "we need a break, I'm not being fair to you". She was excited that I even said anything.

Anyway, that was three weeks ago and all has been well (we've been NC), but now she's planning on going to my show this Saturday. When I asked her, before we stopped seeing each other, to meet me at the show so I could return a shirt to her, and she said: "Um, I'm not [going to your show]. It's not my scene anymore. It's a lot of work just to have an awkward night full of old familiar faces". Like I said before, one of her ex-boyfriends is my guitarist, evidently she didn't treat him him well, so now, no one in the band nor anyone who's friends with him likes her, aside from the fact that we should be trying to avoid each other. She hasn't been to one since March when she was still seeing my guitarist.

I really don't know why she's going, because she's told me countless times how much she hates the band and everyone in it.

I just needed to vent, I'm getting real annoyed.

I wish · Jul 9, 2009, 11:56 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you're forced to break no contact because of her sudden change of interest. But don't let her deter you from your focus. You've made great progress, so keep it up! Focus on yourself and the band. Let her live her life and you live yours. She's not your problem anymore.

Feel free to vent anytime!

makapuu · Jul 11, 2009, 01:28 AM

If she knew that you were not into her, then I don't see anything wrong with dating her friend. It was her choice to hang on to you. She jumped from your guitar player to you, so you could jump from her to her friend.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 11, 2009, 06:22 AM

She is not your problem anymore.
And why did you say, lets take a break. You should have broken it up, finalized it.
You left the door open by saying come to my show so I can return your shirt. You could ave mailed her shirt to her.
But if you are done with her, don't worry about what she does.

slapshot_oi · Jul 15, 2009, 11:11 AM

So she wasn't at the show, and neither was her friend.

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She is not your problem anymore.
And why did you say, lets take a break. You should have broken it up, finalized it.
You left the door open by saying come to my show so I can return your shirt. You could ave mailed her shirt to her.
But if you are done with her, don't worry about what she does.

Taking a break is the same thing. I haven't spoken to her since that text, I think my intention was understood.

I don't care about what she does, or who she's dating so long as it doesn't involve me. I thought it was a universally understood rule after a break-up to not hang around places where you know you ex will be, especially if you never hung out at that place when you were together.