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Johnny Knocker · Jun 18, 2008, 02:52 PM

Ok so here's the deal. Me an my girlfriend of 5 years broke it off. She had moved 500 miles away and we tried that for over a year. Never really saw each other and we finally ended it.

Well anyway, while she was gone I was still hanging out with the same people and me and one of her friends here started hanging out a lot. It was just friends though, nothing else.

Well anyway now that we broke up her friend seems to want to hang out even more, and I think (not positive) that she has a crush on me.

So the first question, how can I really tell? I don't want to be blatent and just ask her, I think that would ruin our friendship, but I would really like to know. We have a lot in common and we both enjoy each others company. She'll call me and want to hang out at random times, if her friends ask her to go out she'll say no and come hang out with me and a few buddies. When were around other people she seems to always give me more attention, but I haven't really known her long enough to see if she's just a flirt, or she really has a thing for me.

So what should I do? And is it OK to date your ex's friends? I have no idea what to do here! Please help!

JBeaucaire · Jun 18, 2008, 05:53 PM

Yes, you can date anyone who is single. Your EX may try to pipe in with an opinion of her own, but you know that's only an opinion. It's not your rule.

So, date anyone you wish if you wish and is available.

You can test the waters with the new girl without risking too much, too. "Sandy, I've thought about asking you out sometime just you and me, but I don't know. Is that a good idea? Should I ask you? I have no intention of ruining our friendship over dating or anything like that, but we seem to get along well. I'm not sure if I should ask you or not. What do you think?"

Listen to what she says and honor it.

mimi03 · Jun 18, 2008, 06:54 PM

It really depends on the situation and you...
In this situation I would say that it is "ok" but personally dating the ex's friend is a "no go" for me I wouldn't go there! But to each it's own...

By the way, are they still friends? That will be a factor.

Johnny Knocker · Jun 19, 2008, 06:34 AM

They weren't great friends to begin with, and they don't talk much anymore since my ex moved away. I think she is much better friends with me than with my ex.

I guess I could give that a try, but still I don't want to ruin our friendship so maybe Ill just let it drag on and see what happens. I just got out of a long relationship, Im really not going to rush getting back into on.

mimi03 · Jun 19, 2008, 07:26 AM

Considering they weren't the best of friends and aren't close now and your ex lives 500 miles away makes the fact that they were friends not so much of a big deal.

But as you've said you don't want to rush into things so maybe you shouldn't. Also if you date her you do run the risk of changing the dynamics of your friendship if it doesn't work out but for some people it only takes a little space and time and the friendship can be repaired.

The ball is in your court! If you're really interested in this girl date her but by all means don't feel rushed to jump in anything serious.

Johnny Knocker · Jun 19, 2008, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by mimi03

Considering they weren't the best of friends and aren't close now and your ex lives 500 miles away makes the fact that they were friends not so much of a big deal.

But as you've said you don't want to rush into things so maybe you shouldn't. Also if you date her you do run the risk of changing the dynamics of your friendship if it doesn't work out but for some people it only takes a little space and time and the friendship can be repaired.

The ball is in your court! If you're really interested in this girl date her but by all means don't feel rushed to jump in anything serious.

Im just not sure if she really likes me or not. Most people I can usually tell, but she has a lot of guy friends. All my friends say she is into me, I guess the way she acts around me, but we really have a lot in common so Im not sure if she is just comfortable or she is really into me.

mimi03 · Jun 19, 2008, 09:05 AM

From what you described, I would say she's into you. I think the biggest clue or give away is that she ditches her friends to hang out with you!

From what you described it seems like you hang out with her in group settings... Try taking her to lunch or meeting up for breakfast, you may get a better assessment of how she really feels and those aren't really intimate "date" settings so she shouldn't feel uncomfortable if she isn't into you...

The only sure way to find out is to ask her... BUT I know you don't want to be blatant so maybe you could have a mutual friend suggest to her that you two go out or gage how she feels about you... this way you can get the info you want without the awkward, rejection possibility, I know it's kind of high school but it works!

alphachck · Jun 20, 2008, 12:08 PM

Listen what you need to do is try different things on her like see if she'll hold your hand or touch you places that another one of your friends wouldn't then if she does she likes and yes I do think that you to should go together if u and your ex-girlfriend ended it on good terms it shouldn't be a problem