[TNB]

What should I do when my mother is living with my husband and I and our two children but don't want to work. I have been laid off since the beginning of the year so I am now trying to go back to school for my masters.My husband has been working three jobs to support us my mother complains of us always leaving stuff around our own house because she may have a case of OCD. But I tell her that if she can clean so well here why don't she seek a job where she can use her talents and get paid for it but she's 50 and won't work in a pie factory. Now this is somebody that did not raise her kids for selfish reasons but I forgive her for her pass just would love to see her depend on her self before she rest her eyes. My mother was suppose to be here till she got on her feet but now it seems like she is not motivated in getting her own place.Help!! Should I tell her she has to go because she been here almost a year and no progress at all.

[DoulaLC]

Oh my... this is just like having a 20 something who won't work and may be with you forever.

Would you like her to stay living with you, even if she was working? If not, give her a time limit... maybe say it in a way that makes it more that you are looking out for her interests. "Mom, I know it has been difficult for you living her with all of our stuff all over, maybe you would find it easier and more comfortable if you had your own place....I'd be happy to help you look if you would like". This could, however, backfire and she might so that she is perfectly happy staying with you.

You could tell her that you have been happy to have been in a position to help her out, but now that you are out of work and back at school, hubby is getting exhausted working three jobs and you guys just can't swing it for much longer. Again, letting her know that you would be happy to help her find a place... near by even. Point out that it would help you guys out, and that she would still be close by but would be able to have her own place.

Check first.. no health concerns for her that keeps her from working or living on her own? If you don't mind her staying, let her know that because you are out of work and such, you really need her to help you guys out now that she is able to.

[jolienoire]

Mother or not, you have to tell her what you are feeling.
It is not that you are being mean or love her less but for your own sanity and your marriage you need to let her know what you feel.
Explain to her that you need the help as long as she is there and if she can't come to terms with that then she has to find somewhere else.
Ask her how long she plans to stay, and let her know what is going to happen if she doesn't comply.
She is an adult where she should be able to understand and grasp that it is not easy trying to take care of a family and an adult whom is fully capable of working but refuses to even try.
Try telling her your true feelings, and just communicate with her about what you expect and your goals for your family.

[TNB]

Thanks I think you are totally right about letting her know how I feel.I need to do it in a way that it doesn't feel like I am disrespecting her because I sometimes raise my voice when talking to her because I feel she's just not getting it.