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jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 08:34 AM

Ok so I am divorced from my son's farther, I have sole custody and he has visitation every other weekend. I am currently married to a United Sates Soldier who is located in Kentucky. My husband is 33 and I am 25, so no we are not young. I do medical billing for a hospital, I make OK money but between day-care and rent I have nothing left. So my husband and I think it would be better for my son and I to move to KY with him. The Army will pay for our housing and day-care is almost fully covered by the Army. So this move would really help.

Has anyone delt with this leaveing in NY? Is this impossible? Any info would be great.

Oh my son is 2 and a half... Tyler

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 08:49 AM

Ok first, you are young. But that's not really an issue.

The key here is in your custody agreement. Since the father has visitation rights every other weekend, he may have to approve any move. You need to consult the attorney who drew up the custody arrangement.

jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by jennx1032

Ok so i am divorced from my son's farther, I have sole custody and he has visitation every other weekend. I am currently married to a United Sates Soldier who is located in Kentucky. My husband is 33 and I am 25, so no we are not young. I do medical billing for a hospital, i make ok money but between day-care and rent i have nothing left. So my husband and i think it would be better for my son and I to move to KY with him. The Army will pay for our housing and day-care is almost fully covered by the Army. So this move would really help.

Has anyone delt with this leaveing in NY? Is this impossible? Any info would be great.

Oh my son is 2 and a half.....Tyler

Yes Thanks but that really wasn't any help, Of corse I need to consult my attorney. My question was has anyone gone threw this in the state of NY? And What are my chances.

Also 25 is young but not young to have comments posted. I thank you for your feed back though. Have a great day.

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 09:50 AM

First, it really doesn't matter that much what state you are in. Family courts and custodial agreements don't vary that much. You are looking to modify an agreement you made. If your ex fights it, it will be tough. The fact that the reason for the move has to do with your new family might help. But it still going to cause a hardship for your ex.

There is really no way for us to tell without knowing what the custodial agreement says. Nor would someone else's experience help, since each situation may be different.

And again, your age is not really an issue here. We welcome all ages to post.

jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 10:42 AM

OK well thanks yet again, but that wasn't what I asked. Have you gone threw this? No, then I guess you can't give me your experience in this situation. And yes the laws do vary from state to state. If you investigate your states statues on marriages,divorces, custody... they vary.

Again my question was to anyone having gone threw this before...

Oh yeah and my agreement states nothing to out of state moves. I happen to know a lot about family law, but that wasn't my question. My question had to do with others experiences going threw this in the state of NY.

Originally Posted by ScottGem

First, it really doesn't matter that much what state you are in. Family courts and custodial agreements don't vary that much. You are looking to modify an agreement you made. If your ex fights it, it will be tough. The fact that the reason for the move has to do with your new family might help. But it still going to cause a hardship for your ex.

There is really no way for us to tell without knowing what the custodial agreement says. Nor would someone else's experience help, since each situation may be different.

And again, your age is not really an issue here. We welcome all ages to post.

J_9 · Oct 16, 2006, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by jennx1032

OK well thanks yet again, but that wasn't what i asked. Have you gone threw this? No, then i guess you can't give me your experience in this situation. And yes the laws do vary from state to state. If you investigate your states statues on marriages,divorces, custody.....they vary.

Again my question was to anyone having gone threw this before....

Oh yeah and my agreement states nothing to out of state moves. I happen to know a lot about family law, but that wasn't my question. My question had to do with others experiences going threw this in the state of NY.

Jennx, in all honesty, you probably will not find very many people here who have gone through this, if any. Scott was using his years of wisdom and experience, from NY BTW, to give you a heads up.

It is really no necessary to be rude to the people who are giving you advice. We are speaking from MANY years of experience.

Being a legal secretary for many years I have to agree with everything Scott said.

Good luck finding that one particular person from the state of NY who has gone through the same experience you are going through here.:)

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 11:18 AM

I don't think you were being intentionally rude, but I do think you are being very unrealistic, and somewhat ungracious. I also think you don't quite understand how sites like these work.

People come here looking for help. While we try to answer the questions asked, we feel its more important that some help be given. As Janine pointed out, the likelihood of someone in a similar situation finding your post is very small. But that doesn't mean that other people can't offer advice or that that advice isn't helpful. I think one should look more tha help was being offered, not whether it was your narrow interpretation of what was asked.

I didn't say that laws don't vary from state to state. I said they "don't vary that much". As time has gone by states have tried to make their laws more uniform to avoid difference when people move from state to state. And family courts don't differ greatly.

So your agreement says nothing about out of state moves. That doesn't mean they are allowed. That, as you indicated, it gives the father every other weekend. To move the child far enough away that it makes every other weekend impractical is probably not going to sit well with the court. So, if the father fights it, he stands a good chance of winning.

jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I don't think you were being intentionally rude, but I do think you are being very unrealistic, and somewhat ungracious. I also think you don't quite understand how sites like these work.

People come here looking for help. While we try to answer the questions asked, we feel its more important that some help be given. As Janine pointed out, the likelihood of someone in a similar situation finding your post is very small. But that doesn't mean that other people can't offer advice or that that advice isn't helpful. I think one should look more tha help was being offered, not whether it was your narrow interpretation of what was asked.

I didn't say that laws don't vary from state to state. I said they "don't vary that much". As time has gone by states have tried to make their laws more uniform to avoid difference when people move from state to state. And family courts don't differ greatly.

So your agreement says nothing about out of state moves. That doesn't mean they are allowed. The fact of the matter is that, as you indicated, it gives the father every other weekend. To move the child far enough away that it makes every other weekend impractical is probably not going to sit well with the court. So, if the father fights it, he stands a good chance of winning.

If you see my response as rude then that is fine, I see yours as rude as well. Not this response but your prior responses. I do realize what these post are here for, I asked a question and it was answered having nothing to do with what I asked and in a rude manner as well. Really I do thank you for your input, next time maybe you should be a little nicer to people looking for help or maybe not even help just some insight as to what they may be having to face. Life has many stresses then to worry about someone jumping at you in a post. Well thanks again and have a good day.

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 11:47 AM

Sheesh, you try to help some people and look what you get. In NO way was I rude in my initial two responses. I don't think I was rude in any of them. While I do not have the specific experience you asked for, I did try to help you by giving you the benefit of my knowledge and experience. The idea being to give you "insight as to what they may be having to face". For my effort in sharing that knowledge and experience, you basically said thanks but no thanks.

The only one who was "jumping" at anyone was you. I really think you need to drop the obvious chip on your sholuder.

jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Sheesh, you try to help some people and look what you get. In NO way was I rude in my initial two responses. I don't think I was rude in any of them. While I do not have the specific experience you asked for, I did try to help you by giving you the benefit of my knowledge and experience. The idea being to give you "insight as to what they may be having to face". For my effort in sharing that knowledge and experience, you basically said thanks but no thanks.

The only one who was "jumping" at anyone was you. I really think you need to drop the obvious chip on your sholuder.

I feel as though you were rude as you feel I was rude. We do have that freedom to feel as we feel you know. I do not have a chip of any sort, there is no need to make comments like that. I do thank you for trying to help, and I do apoligize if you took me the wrong way. Really I am not about to argue. Their really is no need for it, we have enough hurt going on in the world we live in. I wish nothing but a great day for you. :)

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 12:11 PM

I didn't say I felt you were rude at least not intentionally so and at least not until your 2:26 note. I just felt you weren't accepting the advice being given in the spirt it was being offered.

What I saw in that previous post was lashing out because you felt you were insulted, without trying to consider what was being actually said. I think now you are listening more instead of just reacting.

jennx1032 · Oct 16, 2006, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I didn't say I felt you were rude at least not intentionally so and at least not until your 2:26 note. I just felt you weren't accepting the advice being given in the spirt it was being offered.

What I saw in that previous post was lashing out because you felt you were insulted, without trying to consider what was being actually said. I think now you are listening more instead of just reacting.

I have been listening all along as I am sure you have been. I think maybe we both came across as rude not intentionally, and that is why we feel as we need to defend ourselves. Like I said before I do thank you for trying to help. Hope the rest of your day is plesent. :)

Spiritual · Oct 18, 2006, 01:03 PM

I live in New York and would like to relocate also. I do understand your frustation because you want to go on with your new life. It does seem like everyone is coming down on you because its not the answers you want to here. So everybody reading this try cutting her some slack (she is frustrated). Having a child should not mean the end of pursuing your life (custudial or non custodial) if you your intentions and motives for leaving are right. All can say is examine your heart and pray. I will pray for you too because I know how you are feeling sweetie!

jennx1032 · Oct 20, 2006, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by Spiritual

I live in New York and would like to relocate also. I do understand your frustation because you want to go on with your new life. It does seem like everyone is coming down on you because its not the answers you want to here. So everybody reading this try cutting her some slack (she is frustrated). Having a child should not mean the end of pursuing your life (custudial or non custodial) if you your intentions and motives for leaving are right. All can say is examine your heart and pray. I will pray for you too because I know how you are feeling sweetie!

Thanks I will talking to my attorney about this. Yes I do have a child with my ex husband, and no I don't believe women should have to live pay check to pay check as I have been since my son has been born. It is hard to know mommy doesn't make enough to make it in NY.
The reasons for my wanting to move are good. I want to buy a house some day and rent is free for military families on post. Also day-care is so much cheaper for military as well. I am struggling here, and it is wearing me down. I would 6 days a week and have nothing left after paying rent and daycare. I do want to move, and I do hope the judge sees my reasons as valid. This is not for myself, trust me my husband and I have spent the last 2 years apart already, between Germany and overseas, the distance to Kentucky is nothing. The move would be better in the income aspect.

Well thank you for responding, and you have a wonderful day. I wish you nothing but luck for yours and your child's future.Keep me posted.

Jon