[frangipanis]

Someone I've been getting to know has surprised me and I like what's happening. I'm still angry with my ex-boyfriend and still think about our relationship and where it went wrong, but I've been forgetting him fast and the pain has disappeared. That's partly because I was resolved in my own mind that it was over and I was determined to move on... but also because someone else I met only a few weeks ago has been turning everything around and I've suddenly found myself falling in love with him.

He has a sober and healthy approach to life. Is very fit. He has an extraordinary mind and I can relate to him. He's soulful and strong... physically and emotionally, and we have a lot in common. In fact, I've not enjoyed the little things with anyone as much I have with him. We've been swimming together, we both spend a lot of time at the gym, we both loved walking around the lake in the evening after work that was dreamlike, we both enjoy playing scrabble, and he's done things with his life that has me really interested. And he's very interested in me.

Because he has custody of his 16 year old daughter who he is very protective of and who sounds as amazing as he is, and since I've wanted to go much more slowly in getting to know someone, we haven't really touched yet. Except that he took my hand to help me climb a wall we needed to get over during our walk -- which was one of those moments when I knew I was falling in love with him. That was the evening before yesterday, and we're now keen to see each other over the weekend and have made plans to see each other tomorrow evening. In fact he rang out of the blue tonight because his plans with his son suddenly changed and he really wanted to see me... only I missed his call and we couldn't get together.

My daughter is staying at her friend's place tomorrow and it could be the first time we'll really be alone. I know he and I are reaching the point of wanting to be together. In fact, everything he's said so far has made me feel he made up his mind about us the first time we met.

I immediately trusted this man, and still feel very clear about that. I've enjoyed every moment of getting to know him and it just keeps getting better.

It's true there's still a lot I can't know about him... we haven't actually talked about what we might want out of our relationship yet... whether it's long term and wait and see, or if there is a strong desire to find the person who each of us wants to spend the rest of our lives with, which is actually I want and would be prepared to wait for if necessary.

Should I slow this down a little, or trust this feeling? Or maybe trust him to take the lead and know when it's the right time to let me know what he's wanting from me, knowing it would be better to have that talk before we get much closer?

[HistorianChick]

Trust your heart. Trust your head. You're making rational, calm analysis of the situation, while feeling your heart being drawn to a deeper connection.

Take it as it comes. Don't force a "deeper connection," let it happen... and it sounds like it might!

Best of luck, sweetie! :)

[ZoeMarie]

I would just let things happen. Don't put too much effort into things, but have fun getting to know each other. I don't know how long ago you and your ex split up, but taking it slow is never a bad idea from my experience.

[I wish]

It's too early. You don't know each other very well. Take more time to get to know each other. There's no reason to rush these things.

[talaniman]

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In less than 30 days you have gone from a break up, confusion on who to love and now are in love with the new guy. You tell me how that sounds.

Should I slow this down a little, or trust this feeling?

SLOWDOWN A LOT, are you kidding.

Or maybe trust him to take the lead and know when it's the right time to let me know what he's wanting from me,

Oh come on, trust a stranger with your heart? That can't be right. Why follow him when you don't even know what those intense feelings are yet. You just know it feels good, especially since they wipe away the hurt of being rejected.

knowing it would be better to have that talk before we get much closer?

What talk? You're a long way from have "the talk", Talk to yourself, and be honest about running head first into a brick wall.

I can understand feeling good, better than you did, but I think you should slowdown, enjoy getting to know him, and taking your time to see if he feels as you do, (not what you think he feels because he pays you attention, which you need,) and pay attention, and not be blinded by feelings you think are love.

Being in real love is not about jumping from guy to guy without learning to love yourself. That's exactly what your doing.

How will you feel next month, or in 6 months? Slowdown, and find out.

[frangipanis]

Lol! Yeah... It took 18 months to start dating after separating from my ex husband of 20 years. There were a lot of signs at the beginning of the next relationship that I ignored, or didn't know how to read properly. I think I was more ready than he was at the time, as he tends to jump from relationship to relationship. Part of dating other men so soon has been a knee-jerk reaction to him initiating the same.

The hormonal rush of new love is a temporary pain killer, that's for sure. Still, I do like this guy and have been enjoying getting to know him without needing to take it too far... so taking it more slowly shouldn't be an issue.

[talaniman]

I just don't want you to miss all the fun of dating, and savoring the experience, and growing from it.:) Life is so much better when your happy with what your doing.