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AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 09:04 AM

No joke, I hate it when people try to talk to me through text when it is something important, so much easier to pick up the phone and say what needs to be said and be done with that.

Same concept, different scenario

How could I have started this the right way?

As for the account, I don't need the money from it, and she is able to close it without me being there. She can't close it with a negative balance, so my credit can't be affected. And she can't get her name off the account without me. The only reason I don't want to close the account is because she has bill that are paid from them and deposited, so I don't want her to think I am trying to steal from her.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2009, 09:09 AM

Had to spread the rep justy, but that's exactly what he needs to do.

There really isn't much more I can do to change the situation at hand. I have played all my cards, now its just time to wait.

Stop stalling and get busy is what you can do. Waiting is for people who have a bus to catch, not those who are serious about building a life that you enjoy without the one who dumped you.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 09:12 AM

I love the bus quote. I'm going to have to find a situation that I can use it in.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2009, 09:19 AM

I said it as a way to motivate you to get busy, and be proactive in your healing, and handle your business, with the bank by taking YOUR name off, and forwarding her mail, just to name a few things you can do.

Talaniman Rule- When a relationship is over, never wait for an ex to tell you what to do next. That works for them, not you. DO FOR YOURSELF.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I said it as a way to motivate you to get busy, and be proactive in your healing, and handle your business, with the bank by taking YOUR name off, and forwarding her mail, just to name a few things you can do.

Talaniman Rule- When a relationship is over, never wait for an ex to tell you what to do next. That works for them, not you. DO FOR YOURSELF.

I don't know where to forward her mail to. And to take my name off the account I would have to break no contact. I don't use the account for anything.

Justwantfair · Jun 17, 2009, 09:39 AM

Then do everything else on my list. When you go to her parents, tell them also to have her close out the account. Let her parents tell her to forward her mail or they can forward it for her.

Get her things and any ties for connection out of your life. You have to move on. Keeping her things and these connections are just your final ties for your excuse to maintain contact.

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 10:04 AM

Wow man,
Your situation is very similar to mine. I was with my ex for 3 years when she broke off with me ( there was no "spark" and I didn't want to see her family in France ) and she dumped me for another guy. This guy is returning to France soon so I don't even know why she wants to date him.

Most important thing is NO CONTACT at all. Don't give her another chance, move on with your life. Trust me I was exactly in your place 1 month ago. I went to Europe, meet a wonderful girl who lives near my place, lost weight... life seems much better now.

You WILL find someone else, but you need to let go of her and tell her you don't want any contact, as hard as it is. Anyhow good luck and don't think about returning with her.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by paxe

Wow man,
your situation is very similar to mine. I was with my ex for 3 years when she broke off with me ( there was no "spark" and I didn't want to see her family in France ) and she dumped me for another guy. This guy is returning to France soon so I don't even know why she wants to date him.

Most important thing is NO CONTACT at all. Don't give her another chance, move on with your life. Trust me I was exactly in your place 1 month ago. I went to Europe, meet a wonderful girl who lives near my place, lost weight... life seems much better now.

You WILL find someone else, but you need to let go of her and tell her you don't want any contact, as hard as it is. Anyhow good luck and don't think about returning with her.

Yeah, she kept saying the spark is gone, and that we weren't going anywhere(marriage). But also said that part of her feels that she is making a mistake. The marriage thing, is complete crap, we talked about it, but I wanted both her and I to be out of college and in a career, which I think is completely logical way to start a life.

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 01:43 PM

Hey man,
My ex told me the same thing that she was probably doing a mistake bla bla bla that she doesn't want me to get hurt. The fact is that if she really loved you she wouldn't have left you. I understand your pain completely but trust me on this one, you do NOT want her back. The marriage is just an excuse.

I am not sure what you are doing right now or if you are still on No Contact, but she is doing you a favor in dumping you. When my ex dumped me, I decided to go to Europe and I meet one super women there, and 2 others are chasing me back home and the women are much more interested in me ( I've been working out a lot and showing a lot of energy ).

So keep working out or do whatever you do to keep you occupied and before you know it you'll feel much better. And don't tell yourself that she is the one as she isn't and there is plenty of other girls out there that are much better. Are you still in contact with her?

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 02:39 PM

paxe

Yeah still doing no contact, be doing that since she came by the get the last of her stuff last Thursday, and I plan on keeping to that.

I agree with her doing me a favor(kinda), the more time passes, I see more aspects of the relationship which made me unhappy, I'm kind of shocked I never ended it. I always thought that whatever problems we had, we would work through them

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 03:04 PM

Exactly the same situation I was in! Since it was my first relationship I was always asking myself how it would be with someone else ( sexually or else ) and from time to time I was asking myself if it was really this women I wanted to spend my time with.

The feelings you have right now are feelings of emptiness, which is completely normal. Think of it this way, do you really want to pass the rest of your life with someone who doesn't cherish you with all their hearth and who can't work out the problems together? I don't think so.

There is millions of guys and women who have passed by exactly the same path as you and it's all part of growing up. I hope you are training, taking time for yourself and hanging out with friends right now. Time does help you heal faster than you think.

And don't let her contact you in any way, she will only try to string you along and it will just hurt you more. You have to take the decision of no contact, so that means that you shouldn't answer to her emails, calls, sms... And don't think of getting back together with her...

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 04:20 PM

I think the real thing about marriage was that her family kept asking her about it, so they were always pressuring her about it. I didn't like that, I feel that when people are in a relationship other people should have no opinion about what goes on between it, unless it is abusive, which it wasn't.

Did your ex ever try to contact you?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2009, 04:36 PM

Well as a parent I can tell you that when your daughter is shacking up with a guy, the parents are going to want to know if there will be a marriage. It cost the same amount to live together married or single. So if you're not ready for a marriage you're not ready to shack up. JMHO. So I can understand her parents concern.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well as a parent I can tell you that when your daughter is shacking up with a guy, the parents are going to want to know if there will be a marriage. It cost the same amount to live together married or single. So if you're not ready for a marriage you're not ready to shack up. JMHO. So I can understand her parents concern.

No, her parents had been on her about it for the last two years alteast, we hve only lived together for the last year.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2009, 04:48 PM

Parents of a daughter (especially) are going to want to know. Especially if they know their daughter may be having sex, it is a natural concern.
At any rate, get on with your life without her. She has grown in a different direction. It happens
It's a good thing you didn't marry, you need the time to explore. You two spent your teenage years together. You need to know who you are as adults.

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

I think the real thing about marriage was that her family kept asking her about it, so they were always pressuring her about it. I didn't like that, I feel that when people are in a relationship other people should have no opinion about what goes on between it, unless it is abusive, which it wasn't.

Did your ex ever try to contact you?

Oh yes, plenty of time. This is why I took so long to heal. Basically while she was with this other guy she wanted to "stay" friends or she was saying that she wasn't sure about her decision. It went on and off for 2 month ( we even got back together for 2 days, but it didn't work out ). 3 month later it still hurts a bit but much less, and she still wants us to stay friend but I don't think I can stay friend with her (it's tough we have the same group of friends). And this is why I tell you not to let her contact you, you'll just end up hurting much more.

As for the marriage, you are WAY too young to get married. My ex wanted something similar. If you are not ready for that then you should not commit to that. 20 years later it will just end up in a divorce, with kids being torned apart. This is why it is important to have several relationship and take our time.

It seems you are hoping for her to call back, just let it go. Your heart may tell you that you want to go back, but this is the time to listen to your brain and take some time off. Don't get weak :D

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by paxe

As for the marriage, you are WAY too young to get married. My ex wanted something similar. If you are not ready for that then you should not commit to that. 20 years later it will just end up in a divorce, with kids being torned apart. This is why it is important to have several relationship and take our time.

It seems you are hoping for her to call back, just let it go. Your heart may tell you that you want to go back, but this is the time to listen to your brain and take some time off. Don't get weak :D

I completely agree about re marriage thing, and voices that to her. I thought we both understood that.

I apart of me want her to try and contact me. But I know that it wouldn't work, unless she is willing to lay stuff out and work through it. Which I don't think she wants to do that kind of work if she came back. I think she would just want to come back and act like nothing happened and go back to what we were before all this(which is not possible)

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

I completely agree about re marriage thing, and voices that to her. I thought we both understood that.

I apart of me want her to try and contact me. But I know that it wouldn't work, unless she is willing to lay stuff out and work through it. Which I don't think she wants to do that kind of work if she came back. I think she would just want to come back and act like nothing happened and go back to what we were before all this(which is not possible)

Yea that's your problem. You see, as long as you have this hope of her contacting you and working things out with you, you are leaving yourself vulnerable and you won't heal like that. I knew you were in this situation, I was in the same one exactly. Now you know that it won't work out between you, so get those feelings and thoughts out of your system. I would have turned much better if I had all this said to me before. Trust me on this one. Is she trying to contact you? You said she was living with a guy with whom she was having feelings, she is only telling half the story, either she kissed him or she slept with him. Could you trust her again with that?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2009, 05:51 PM

She is not contacting him. She is done. He is the one holding on. She left him. He needs to accept that and move on, not play the blame game or find fault wiith her.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by paxe

Yea that's your problem. You see, as long as you have this hope of her contacting you and working things out with you, you are leaving yourself vulnerable and you won't heal like that. I knew you were in this situation, I was in the same one exactly. Now you know that it won't work out between you, so get those feelings and thoughts out of your system. I would have turned much better if I had all this said to me before. Trust me on this one. Is she trying to contact you? You said she was living with a guy with whom she was having feelings, she is only telling half the story, either she kissed him or she slept with him. Could you trust her again with that?

She admitted to kissing him, and no she hasn't tried to contact me yet, but it has only been 6 days. She has found new housing somewhere than with her family, renting a room somewhere near her work