[dakotadevo]

I am the single parent of an 18 year old that has suffered from any number of legal and mental issues. She has her GED and is working but continues to be disrespectful and has no regard for any boundaries. She constantly takes money, my cell phone, etc. She tried to overdose on anti-axiety medicine the other night because she didn't get her way (she insisted that I make her aim account available or she would keep me up all night). I called the crisis response unit and they had her brought into the hospital. The next day I found out she also had cocaine in her system. By then, I had missed a night of sleep and the next day of work. I feel like a vicim all of the time as my cell phone is taken when I am sleeping and I deal with issues like strangers being brought into my house in the middle of the night. The police say "kick her out".

How do I go about doing that? She has no where to go and she hasn't earned enough money to pay off her existing fees and fines. The ability to support herself is months down the road. I have tried to find out what is available to me and I don't see any options. She doesn't have many friends and those she does have still live with their parents. Do I just drop her and her stuff off at the Union Gospel Mission and tell her to have a nice life? I know that I will continue to be victimized until she is out. Why should she leave when she has a nice house, 3 meals, a telephone, a television, etc at her disposal with no regard to any rules or responsibilities. I have blocked the computer and locked the television but her all night charades continue. Last night she brought some guy into the house in the middle of the night and he is in her bed this AM. I have been robbed twice because of other strangers she has brought in and am afraid to even go to work this AM.

I want her out and I don't know how to go about getting her out. Can you help?

[SailorMark]

Change the locks on the doors while she is out at night.

[this8384]

Change the locks on the doors while she is out at night.

That's a good way to get sued. The 18-year-old has established residency; even though her mother owns the house, she cannot legally just change the locks.

She has to ask her daughter to leave; if the daughter refuses, she has to evict her.

[goatstrings]

ITs like you don't want her to leave, tell her too go that were you can get some rest she is 18 an you will feel stress free.pray an ask GOD for his help

[JudyKayTee]

Change the locks on the doors while she is out at night.

Right after you do this, call your Attorney and brace yourself.

[this8384]

SailorMark agrees: Um.. yes, you do need to check the laws where you live before you should follow my advice. I have lived where this was legal but it is certainly not legal everywhere!

Please tell us what state you lived in where this was legal and cite a statute to back it up.

Also, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but you cannot give advice on a Law board that's so "laidback," so to speak. A lot of people give advice based on where they live/have lived BUT they point out that may only be their state law; you didn't do that. Our answers on the Law Board need to conform to the law.

[Jake2008]

I am curious what she has been diagnosed with.

I am also curious as to where in North America you have to give notice to an adult child to move out of your home. I've never heard of that, but then, I'm no law expert either.

A lawyer is a good idea. Also, I hope you are documenting the events you have described here.

It may be time for counselling for the two of you, to hash out some issues, and expectations and consequences for the continued behaviour. If she won't go, then I suggest you go. It will probably do you the world of good to speak to a counsellor to alleviate some of the guilt and uncertainty of your situation right now.

I too lived under very similar circumstances to yours, and I can tell you that while the advice from the police is tempting, when you are dealing with a daughter doing drugs, and having mental health issues, it is an entirely different story, and not so easy to just boot her out.

Has she harmed you physically? Have you charged her for the thefts? Is there anyone you can call, such as a neighbour or brother to help you remove unwanted guests who steal from you, or be there when you do call the police?

I really feel badly for you, and I hope you will post again. Maybe it is time to make some major moves, and you need the advice of a lawyer, and a good counsellor to make changes.

[SailorMark]

Please tell us what state you lived in where this was legal and cite a statute to back it up.

Also, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but you cannot give advice on a Law board that's so "laidback," so to speak. A lot of people give advice based on where they live/have lived BUT they point out that may only be their state law; you didn't do that. Our answers on the Law Board need to conform to the law.

I do acknowledge my error. My advice was based on location specific law (Wyoming and Indian Reservation) of which I had direct experience. My father was a law-enforcement officer who brought home a friend of mine right after we finished 8th grade because my friends father kicked him out. My friend was then arrested for "trespassing" after he was seen sleeping in his mom's car. The law at that time only said he had to provide for him through the 8th grade and he took that seriously. I would hope that these laws have been changed by now.

I do think changing the locks is a good idea though. The daughter can continue to live there, she just doesn't get a key! If she wants to sleep in the bed at home she has to be in by whatever reasonable curfew that is set by the mother.

[Justwantfair]

I think we should address the seriousness of your situation, your daughter truly needs an intervention, counseling and strictly enforced boundaries. First and foremost, there appears to be eighteen years of being bulled over and now you have a teenager in charge of your house and out of control. File a Notice of Eviction and if she would like to stay, she need to be attending counseling and abiding by the rules.

I suggest you try and put the time in on this out of control situation now, as kicking her out to no available place to stay is likely to endanger her further, but her behavior is unacceptable.

I would also consider checking her into a detox. Your daughter has addiction problems to address first and foremost.

[this8384]

I do acknowledge my error. My advice was based on location specific law (Wyoming and Indian Reservation) of which I had direct experience. My father was a law-enforcement officer who brought home a friend of mine right after we finished 8th grade because my friends father kicked him out. My friend was then arrested for "trespassing" after he was seen sleeping in his mom's car. The law at that time only said he had to provide for him through the 8th grade and he took that seriously. I would hope that these laws have been changed by now.

I do think changing the locks is a good idea though. The daughter can continue to live there, she just doesn't get a key! If she wants to sleep in the bed at home she has to be in by whatever reasonable curfew that is set by the mother.

A 13-year-old child and an 18-year-old adult are not the same. When did this occur? I've never heard of a law that says a parent only has to provide for their child through the 8th grade; is there a statute you could reference?

Again, if the 18-year-old has established residency, then the mother is technically her landlord. Would you allow your landlord to keep your key and tell you what time to be home? No way. I understand that this girl probably needs immense amounts of discipline, but that issue is for the Parenting Board, not the Law one...

Just so we're all on the same page :)

[Jake2008]

This 8384, what am I missing here.

This is a 'Family & People- Parenting' board isn't it?

I don't understand what you mean. Should the OP post this question of legalities also in the legal board?

I understand that this girl probably needs immense amounts of discipline, but that issue is for the Parenting Board, not the Law one....



Thanks, I'm easily confused.

[this8384]

This 8384, what am I missing here.

This is a 'Family & People- Parenting' board isn't it?

I don't understand what you mean. Sould the OP post this question of legalities also in the legal board?

I understand that this girl probably needs immense amounts of discipline, but that issue is for the Parenting Board, not the Law one....



Thanks, I'm easily confused.

Sorry, I thought it was under the Family Law board. Not sure how I screwed that one up, but it was my fault... apologies to everyone :)

Parenting or Law board, the illegality of changing the locks still stands. If this girl is as unstable as her mother says, locking her out opens a whole new can of worms - this girl could find an attorney who would tear the poor mother to shreds. I can hear it already: "Angry mother locks out mentally unstable daughter."

[Jake2008]

Well, it is Monday. :)

If this situation does turn out to be one of legality, just in case, I hope that dates, times, events, etc. are all kept in a diary of some sort.

That information is useful also to social workers, doctors etc.

It helped when I went through a similar situation with my daughter. Stress tends to cause memory confusion, especially when dealing with family.

[this8384]

Well, it is Monday. :)

If this situation does turn out to be one of legality, just in case, I hope that dates, times, events, etc., are all kept in a diary of some sort.

That information is useful also to social workers, doctors etc.

It helped when I went through a similar situation with my daughter. Stress tends to cause memory confusion, especially when dealing with family.

Yup, that's the whole problem. This girl is already showing signs of instability; with a attorney, who knows the damage she could to do her poor mother?