[kp2171]

well that's just completely absurd...

...So just go with with the flow whereever the wind blows you, oh what the hell he's in the same boat.

...Honestly there's no need of healing here. After all both sides gets hurt.

Both sides get hurt sometimes. More often when actions are taken with abandon and without lack of forethought.

The catch here is security... the original post screamed of frustration from acting with abandom and not being happy with the consequences. Scour this site and you will see more examples of people who have put up with bad treatment for long periods. If she wants security, she needs to get a grip and more control of herself. If she wants a relationship with this guy, she needs to be willing to take some risks and not play the why me card if it goes south.

So your criticism and approach may be right for some, isn't right for all. In many cases, the "whereever the wind blows you" leads you through rebound relationships and situations where in the end you have never really dealt with any issues, and sometimes you are just left hurt and wondering why it didn't work out or why in the world you did what you did.

You don't necessarily need to "fix" yourself completely before having a meaningful relationship... its called life. You do what you can with what you have, seek out more, and left as much baggage behind.

The call for healing isn't bunk. At least when the person is so distraught by their own actions.

And your call for action isn't bunk either. In this case it might have precipitated the truth. The guy still might be playing her just because he can... I know a guy who can spin a sob story like none other to get whatever he wants out of a relationship. Hopefully he's on the up and up.

In the meantime, there's still no harm in her thinking about how she can find firmer footing. And firm footing does not come from being with any person.

[Wildcat21]

I have a feeling gthis guy will tell you just about anything. I would also bet he may have never gone to that Psycologist.

I think you're crazy to even communicate with this guy.

I think he will sell you the world... an the heartache will come again.

I think once a guy lies to you once - time to move on - seriously. He took you for granted - doesn't respect you in the least - you ca nnever trust him.

[Wildcat21]

Why do you keep punishing yourself with this guys lies?

[mysticque]

Let's face it she likes the guy is who likes many girls. Well 2 at this time. If she really want to play along she just have to go with it and be safe and not get attached to him. Simple. You like him. Join in. You enjoy. At the same token you have the chance to actually find someone else whose fit for you. When your new guy comes along. There is your chance to actually tell the former that you met another significant other that you are willing to be serious with. Trust me this will tear him to pieces. Not that my intention is to actually hurt him but since you do intend to hurt him somehow this might be your best tool.

[kp2171]

Let's face it she likes the guy is who likes many girls. Well 2 at this time. If she really want to play along she just have to go with it and be safe and not get attached to him. Simple. You like him. Join in. You enjoy. At the same token you have the chance to actually find someone else whose fit for you. When your new guy comes along. There is your chance to actually tell the former that you met another significant other that you are willing to be serious with. Trust me this will tear him to pieces. Not that my intention is to actually hurt him but since you do intend to hurt him somehow this might be your best tool.

Lovely. I forgot to click the "disagree" button when rating. Well, again, go with it and don't get attached is fine for some. I dated a girl who was like this and it was fun for some time, but I knew it ahead of time that she was more interested in playing.

You are just ignoring that fact that this person is emotionally tied up here. Not so easy for everyone to turn off their emotions, though we hopefully can override them sometimes with rational thought.

So sure... you want to play around, relax, not get attached, move on. Your prerogative. Don't complain when he does it to you first.

[mysticque]

You may be right at most part. Practically women are not like men. They linger with the emotional imbalance. Even moving on takes longer than actually fighting back. These kind of behaviour towards women doesn't just heal by itself. It needs something to stimulate the effect. And to my experience fighting back is the way how it works. Not to the extent that you'd turn into foul cold hearted *****. Just a way to get you up there is good enough to take that permanent damage into oblivion.

[talaniman]

Let's face it she likes the guy is who likes many girls. Well 2 at this time. If she really want to play along she just have to go with it and be safe and not get attached to him. Simple. You like him. Join in. You enjoy. At the same token you have the chance to actually find someone else whose fit for you. When your new guy comes along. There is your chance to actually tell the former that you met another significant other that you are willing to be serious with. Trust me this will tear him to pieces. Not that my intention is to actually hurt him but since you do intend to hurt him somehow this might be your best tool.

I really don't think playing games no matter how bad one has been treated is a solution to anything, just my opinion but it is okay to look after ones own well being but not take revenge or some kind of vendatta to intentionally cause pain or hurt to another. If you are not a master of these cruel games best to withdraw and do what must be done for ones own peace of mind. Leave the games to players.

[mysticque]

It's not about using the guy. In fact it's the guy taking advantage of her. Simply I'm using the twist against him which both of them can take benefits by moving on whatever the outcome they can come up to.

[kp2171]

Twisted thinking.

* hey! I've never even seen a reddie! (greenies are the little green dots that show up when people like your posts and rate them with approval) didn't even know the red dots existed for when you get more disapprovals than approvals! *

[mysticque]

Well I have to have a minor in experimental psychology. My human behavior class was A. if that counts. I'm just here to help. If that bothers why read it. Obviously it wouldn't affect you. Besides I'm neither on both sides. I'm just giving a clean, hassle free point of view. And the dot thing doesn't really matter. What matters is if you really make a big difference and help someone. If you're just too concern how you would look or your social skills reputation appear in public? I think I might want to go back to college and study all those nonsense self educational tools including visual aides. And on top of that you are required to a write a thesis on some non functional brainwhacked druggie who thinks nothing but the world belongs to his.

[ilovcali]

I think everyone has thoughts of vengeance and anger when someone has screwed us over. It's only natural. But in the end, very few ever act upon it. Most people who do, end up finding themselves in more trouble.

Aside from it being crazy, it doesn't solve anything. You'll still feel bad, and you may have some moment of joy seeing one who made you suffer go through hell, but ultimately, if you have a heart, you'll feel even worse.

If you have a conscience or heart, purposely causing pain on someone will undoubtedly make you feel worse in the long run.

[kp2171]

That made me laugh.

By the way... the greenie thing, if you are ever around here long enough to see the AMHD member discussions on greenies, you'll know most of us think they are a JOKE. So that one was probably over your university-educated. Thesis-writing head because you haven't seen the "greenie discussions".

BTW, as a person who taught 8 years at university, I can tell you 1) scoring well in a class doesn't mean you understand a thing and 2) common sense just might trump book smarts in some cases... sometimes not.

I missed the screw-with-the-guy-because-hes-screwing-with-you lecture. Have to ask the phil prof next time we see each other.

[J_9]

I messed up big time! I slept with him last night. Thought if I slept with him, and he spend the night, he will see the real me, and dumped his “x girlfriend” I honestly don’t know what to do, to stop being so pathetic. He phoned me this morning, and I demanded to know if he wants to be with me or with her. Yeah you guessed it; he wants to try with her!! I hanged up. I texted him, and told him, not to contact me, not to text me, not even look in my direction. My heart is broken, and I know that it is my own fault. The frustrating thing is, I know I’m well balanced, good at my work, I’m a pleasant person, and strong, why do I let these men walk all over me. I’ve read thousands of self help books, about self respect and self love etc… But I don’t stick with all my good intentions. What must I do now? On the one side, I actually want him back. Pathetic I know. On the other side I want to run him over. Please give me some advice?

Okay, I am sure you get the point by now, but, if you sleep with a man so that he will see the real you... Do you really know what he thinks about you then? I will not use any of the names for this, but I am sure you know where it could be going. So, for your reputation, it is best that you not do this again.

I understand that you had a hard time seeing him this weekend and talking to him, but, remember this... Since he has already had you in bed he will make any excuse to get you back there. He knows you are vulnerable and is willing to take advantage of your vulnerability to get you in the sack again.

To me the story he told you sounds like a big ole SOB story!

He has no feelings for the so-called ex, YEAH RIGHT! Wake up and smell the coffee... if he has no feelings for her anymore why was he at the movies with her?

Some men just know how to play our emotions to get what they want. He is trying to take advantage of your softer side and it looks as though it may be working.

Run, don't walk, as far away from him as you can. He is a USER!!

You certainly can find someone better.

[mysticque]

that made me laugh.

by the way... the greenie thing, if you are ever around here long enough to see the AMHD member discussions on greenies, you'll know most of us think they are a JOKE. so that one was probably over your university-educated. thesis-writing head because you havent seen the "greenie discussions".

BTW, as a person who taught 8 years at university, i can tell you 1) scoring well in a class doesnt mean you understand a thing and 2) common sense just might trump book smarts in some cases... sometimes not.

i missed the screw-with-the-guy-because-hes-screwing-with-you lecture. have to ask the phil prof next time we see each other.

How would I know I don't mix solid ingredients to liquid? But I work in the pharma industry. I can at least provide you something. Anyway, this is nonsense. I'll leave this group perhaps I can leave everything to some chemist expert.

[aqua@home]

I messed up big time! I slept with him last night. Thought if I slept with him, and he spend the night, he will see the real me, and dumped his “x girlfriend” I honestly don’t know what to do, to stop being so pathetic. He phoned me this morning, and I demanded to know if he wants to be with me or with her. Yeah you guessed it; he wants to try with her!! I hanged up. I texted him, and told him, not to contact me, not to text me, not even look in my direction. My heart is broken, and I know that it is my own fault. The frustrating thing is, I know I’m well balanced, good at my work, I’m a pleasant person, and strong, why do I let these men walk all over me. I’ve read thousands of self help books, about self respect and self love etc… But I don’t stick with all my good intentions. What must I do now? On the one side, I actually want him back. Pathetic I know. On the other side I want to run him over. Please give me some advice?

I think too many of us find ourselves in this situation. I think the best thing for you to do is move on. Let go of him, let go of the anger, let go of the hurt and forgive yourself. So you made a mistake of which now you can learn from. He was a jerk and you deserve better. Don't text him, call him or anything, just forget him. He has far too much power and you need to take care of you.

All the books in the world can't change our own thinking if we don't let it. I love to learn and read things, but I think books dealing with relationships or anything having to do with people and their psyche are way over-rated. There are many books and it's all just someone's opinion. There are far too many people and far too many opinions. Go with what is in your heart. You actually have to believe that you are worth it. As said by someone before, you deserve more than to be someone's seconds (scraps).

I would go on in my life without him. If he can hurt you now, early in your relationship, he will continue to hurt you later. It doesn't get better.

I hope at least some of that made sense. (I'm a little rusty.)

[talaniman]

how would I know I don't mix solid ingredients to liquid? But I work in the pharma industry. I can at least provide you something. Anyways, this is nonsense. I'll leave this group perhaps I can leave everything to some chemist expert.

If I may offer a better solution, focus on helping the Poster as they are the ones with questions. We all have our opinions and we are all different. All our experiences are valuable to pass along to some one who can benefit from them. Please don't take things so personal. We try to help and take it from someone with a masters degree from the college of hard knocks, None of us is perfect.

[mysticque]

Spare with me not all with MS degree have brilliant mind. Depends which study/school you go to.

[dancingtwins]

FORGET HIM!! Work on yourself make yourself a better person. Make yourself happy, because if you aren't happy with yourself you will never be happy in a relationship! And for god sake stop being one night stands or booty calls