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griffers90 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:06 AM

Hi everyone
Firstly thank you for your responses on my initiating sex. I have been able to talk to him and it's because we are at in my home town my mother has been demanding he does a lots of jobs and he's been getting stressed out. I'm well aware that my mother has a controlling personality but I had no idea she was upsetting him so much. As it was my mum he didn't want to cause me any family problems by telling me but it has been effecting his sex drive and his reaction to me. He didn't think I'd noticed and was going to try and resolve it himself. He is a very patient person normally but at the moment he is getting very upset epsecially with her hypocritical attitude which the rest of us have learnt to ignore. He has been feeling tired constantly from the stress and has had little interest in the physical side of our relationship because of it. How can I talk to her about giving him some space without accusing her?

lolly1404 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:20 AM

Hi is it jobs round the house? If so help him do them or talk to your mum about what needs doing and see if there is a system that u can all work around. This may relieve some of the pressure if not try asking him if there is anything u could do for him such as running a bath an such. If her attitued is getting to him u may need just to be upfront with your mum rather than beating around the bush! Because the softly softly approch might not work some people are thick skinned.

griffers90 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:37 AM

Thanks hun its not just chores he likes housework!

She insists she needs to help him organise his finances and he must get a job during his summer holidays. Now he's got a full time job and she's insisting he needs to get a part time one as well so that he doesn't get a loan next year. Even if he takes on two jobs he will not earn enough to cover his let at uni and pay her rent. She has allowed him into her home which is fantastic but she is now trying to control him like she does everyone else in the family.

She wants him to show her his bank statements so she can "help" even though he is getting help from his own parents. She doen't think his parents are clever enough to help him purely because they didn't go to college instead just went out to work. She's also trying to force him onto a diet because he's ( in her words) "fat". It's making him feel inadequete, stressed and he doesn't want to be close to me sexually anymore.

My mum and I have always had a relationship on tenderhooks and I don't want to fall out over this but I love him and if forced to choose I would grasp his hand and never let go. I have talked to my dad about it and he just said that my boyfriend lets it get to him too much. I don't think this is fair yes she let him into her house but he pays rent and does the majority of the chores so why won't she let him have some peace. It is putting a strain on me and him as we don't want to be rude but we are not so niaeve we will let her control us either.

My partner knows I'm a very sexual being and I do love feeling him close to me but his drive has been hammered by her constant demands.

lolly1404 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:49 AM

I think your boyfriend is the one who needs to say to your mum that he does enough around the house he does not have to show her his bank statements that's his buissness and its private. He is paying rent that should be enough he works too. If he isn't happy about the situation you should maybe get a flat together. If you have a job am sure even if it is only part time you could make it together or go to your local council an they could help with accommodation put both your names down on the list tell them your situation and the stress its putting on him it might help because if he can afford rent to your mum am sure even saving for a deposit would help why don't u both talk to his parents it might help and they might no more about the system with both working. I think your mum is trying to drive a wedge between you both also why judge people be there acodemic abillities just because his paerants did'nt go on to further education does not me the no nothing. This is more life skills than education you do need qualifications to do this she is nieve for that. And as for him going on a diet that his choice if it doesn't affect his health why should he. Also she could make him really ill not just in just the bedroom department. He could end up depress I know because my boyfriend has been depress because of home matters so I have seen what it can do to a person. Really think about a flat or move in with his parent. Your mum seems a bit up tight.!

lolly1404 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:53 AM

Sorry I meant depressed and don't need qulifications soz

Synnen · Jun 7, 2009, 10:06 AM

NO CHAT SPEAK on the Adult Sexuality boards.

Any further chat speak will result in the post being deleted.

If you are posting here, you can type better than a 13 year old.

griffers90 · Jun 7, 2009, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

NO CHAT SPEAK on the Adult Sexuality boards.

Any further chat speak will result in the post being deleted.

If you are posting here, you can type better than a 13 year old.

I'm sorry if you found her chat speak offensive but I believe she just gave me some very sound advice and I think the quality of her advice is far more important than the quality of her english spelling and grammar. If you had deleted this post before I'd read it I would have missed out on some very good advice because you had such a negative view to chat talk. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but she gave polite consice advice out of the goodness of her heart and doesn't need to be picked up on the fact she used chat talk.

As a side note do not think that I support chat talk it irritates me beyond belief but I can at least look past it and see the quality of the advice being given. I do not wish to offend anyone but I have repeatedly seen this kind of post across the boards and it has seemed such a blind view that I felt strongly that I needed to get my view of this criticism across. I apologise if you found my post upsetting this was not my intention.

griffers90 · Jun 7, 2009, 11:50 AM

Thanks but it's not so simple his parents live 2 hours away and his job has a fixed term. We're only here for three months so there doesn't seem to be much to be gained from moving again. I am currently searching for extra part time employment and have a start date for a full time job which is next Tuesday. The only problem is that we have talked to my mum and she cannot see that she has done anything wrong. She cannot understand that having my best interests at heart as she puts it is a bad thing.

Catsmine · Jun 7, 2009, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by griffers90

I'm sorry if you found her chat speak offensive but I believe she just gave me some very sound advice and I think the quality of her advice is far more important than the quality of her english spelling and grammar. If you had deleted this post before I'd read it I would have missed out on some very good advice because you had such a negative view to chat talk. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but she gave polite consice advice out of the goodness of her heart and doesn't need to be picked up on the fact she used chat talk.

Did you read the terms of service when you joined this site or simply click the "accept" button? Chat/text speak is against the rules.

griffers90 · Jun 7, 2009, 04:06 PM

I had forgotten it's not something I ever do myself so I read it and never gave it a second thought. In that case I'm sorry you are just enforcing the rules.

Synnen · Jun 7, 2009, 08:26 PM

Griffers---I am the Adult Sexuality moderator.

I am enforcing the rules--which YOU, apparently, have not read.

No chat speak. Period. (That's in the rules). On top of that, you must be an ADULT to post on the Adult Sexuality boards. If you can't TYPE like an adult, I ASSUME that you are underage and delete your posts.

On top of that, you have OBVIOUSLY not read the rules on giving "Disagrees". You can find those rules here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html

Please RE-READ all of the site rules.

PS--It's NOT really a good idea to smart talk to moderators and administrators. Next time I won't warn you. I'll just delete your thread entirely.

Alty · Jun 7, 2009, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by griffers90

I'm sorry if you found her chat speak offensive but I believe she just gave me some very sound advice and I think the quality of her advice is far more important than the quality of her english spelling and grammar. If you had deleted this post before I'd read it I would have missed out on some very good advice because you had such a negative view to chat talk. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but she gave polite consice advice out of the goodness of her heart and doesn't need to be picked up on the fact she used chat talk.

As a side note do not think that I support chat talk it irritates me beyond belief but I can at least look past it and see the quality of the advice being given. I do not wish to offend anyone but I have repeatedly seen this kind of post across the boards and it has seemed such a blind view that I felt strongly that I needed to get my view of this criticism across. I apologise if you found my post upsetting this was not my intention.

Griffer, the fact is that chat speak is against the rules of this site. You may not mind, you may not care, but it's against the rules, not allowed and will be deleted whether you like it or not.

I suggest you take a look at the rules, because the disagree you gave Synnen is also against those rules. Reddies (disagrees) are for factually incorrect information only, not for opinions or for stating the rules of this site.

If you can't abide by the rules and play nice you won't last long here.

liz28 · Jun 7, 2009, 11:15 PM

You stated the two of you were only staying at your mom for 3 months so how much longer do the two of you have?

I am not sure if knew how your mother was but you surely did so you shouldn't have expected her to act differently.

It doesn't matter what you say to your mom because she is going continue being the way she is. She been controlling for years and she doesn't care how she word her words to people and anything is capable of coming out of her mouth.

Sadly, the two of you have to deal with it. This should motivate the two of you to move asap. The upside is she allowed the two of you move in and most parents don't. As long as the two of you are living there you going have to deal with her crap.

lolly1404 · Jun 9, 2009, 02:22 PM

Sorry I was just typing so quickly that I forgott all about the rules. I'll do my best to do things correctly in the future . Sorry if I annoyed anyone! :-(