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ocryan · May 19, 2009, 05:14 PM

I'm 19 she's 20 and we're currently in a sexual open relationship.

So we've been together for 1 year and 3 months and she had a really horrible ex-boyfriend that dilluded her mind on relationship. She was hesitent to start the relationship because she was scared as was I but we started it and she moved to San Francisco(I live in LA) and we've been long distance for a year. Within the year she has passing doubts because of fear and so do I but they don't mean anything. Just recently she started getting real doubts because she feels her freedom is stripped. I'm not too sure what I should be doing in this position I stood by her through thick and thin and I'm in love with her but there's only so much emotion one can take thoughts?

YeloDasy · May 19, 2009, 05:35 PM

Are there plans to be in the same city? If she feels her freedom is stripped, then you need to make her happy. What is the goal of the relationship? Open meaning seeing others too?

ocryan · May 19, 2009, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by YeloDasy

Are there plans to be in the same city? If she feels her freedom is stripped, then you need to make her happy. What is the goal of the relationship? Open meaning seeing others too??

Yes when we both have our feet on the ground we'll be moving to the same city. Her doubts sprout from the fear of the concept of a relationship it just confuses me that it comes up when we've been together for over a year. Open meaning we have sex(nothing else) with others and we both enjoy it.

YeloDasy · May 19, 2009, 05:45 PM

I think that open relationships can cause doubt. It is not healthy in a relationship. Of course this is my opinion. It is not working for you. And neither is the distance. Ask her what she wants from you right now, and tell her what you need from her right now. See if you can do it on both parts. ASk more questions... understand how she is thinking and feeling inside. Then make a decision.

ocryan · May 19, 2009, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by YeloDasy

I think that open relationships can cause doubt. It is not healthy in a relationship. Of course this is my opinion. It is not working for you. And neither is the distance. Ask her what she wants from you right now, and tell her what you need from her right now. See if you can do it on both parts. ASk more questions... understand how she is thinking and feeling inside. then make a decision.

Well that's the thing the doubt has came up before the open relationship even started

I wish · May 19, 2009, 06:06 PM

There's always doubts about long distance relationships. It's usually helpful if you both have an exact date in mind on when you will be together again. It puts a lot of strain on the relationship if you don't have a date in mind.

Couples will definitely have security issues. I think the two of you are too young to tie yourself down in such a long distance relationship. Maybe if one day you are in the same city, you can give it another shot, but for now, it might be better if both of you go your separate ways so that you neither of you have to suffer.

ocryan · Jun 4, 2009, 04:10 AM

Threads merged for the whole story

Story/Question:
We were going out for about a year and 3 months and everything was amazing and we were happy. Not too long ago she started having doubts and then she broke up with me saying she isn't sure what she wants and I understood and told her to just do as she pleases and she said she wants me because she needs me. So about an hour ago I get a call from her bawling her eyes out saying "Take me back please I nee you" So on and so forth and I don't know how to react any advice?

I wish · Jun 4, 2009, 05:27 AM

There's no problem taking her back, as long as you fix the problems that caused you two to go on a break in the first place. Otherwise you will be doing this dance again...

kctiger · Jun 4, 2009, 06:00 AM

How long were you on "break" before she called?

IWish is correct... if nothing has changed, I don't see how this wouldn't happen again. She obviously cares for you a lot, and isn't at a point where she feels comfortable with herself enough to let you go... I fear the next time, your heart will really get broken. Hope I am wrong.

Romefalls19 · Jun 4, 2009, 06:00 AM

Talk about the problems that broke you guys up in the first place, only then can you resolve your issues and work on a relationship

liz28 · Jun 4, 2009, 07:06 AM

If she still have her emotional baggage then she have to let them go.

If the two of you are going resume your open relationship ( Open meaning we have sexnothing else--your words) then she might break-up with you again.

Correct me if I am wrong but usually when people agree to an open relationship they agree to date our people but not to have any sexual relations. But the two of you did the opposite.

Also, when you agreed to something like this your basically giving your sheep to the wolves because there is always a possible she will find better.

Before the two of you get back together the two of you need to have a much needed talk. Are your going resume an open relationship and continue having sex with other people? Does she still have doubt and wants her freedom? What is going change? Etc, etc

ocryan · Jun 7, 2009, 01:28 PM

So we found out what's wrong within our relationship but I don't know how to change it. We both feel the distance is the driving factor behind us having issues any advice on that? For people that don't know I'm in Orange County(LA) and she's in San Francisco.

Romefalls19 · Jun 7, 2009, 01:43 PM

What about alternating weekends in which you drive up to see each other?

What is the current amount of time you spend together?

ocryan · Jun 7, 2009, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

What about alternating weekends in which you drive up to see each other?

What is the current amount of time you spend together?

We do that and see each other about once a month that's all money can take us unfortunately. I guess we decided it'd be best if we just broke up until things change and if we're "meant" to be together I guess it'll happen.