[painful love]

:mad:i'm a girl 26 yrs old , I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend who became my fiancé right now for about 10 years , my story so long and sorry for that my boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship didn't love me he was just a play boy he told me that but by the time he started to love me as he thought but this love didn't stop him to have a relationship with others girls and didn't make him blind don't see any girl except me

Anyway he had many relations with other girls even he slept with some of them and every time problem happened between us because these relations which I didn't know any thing about it at that time or anything else after short time we couldn't become a part we came back to each other all of this for about 10 years full of love, joy, loyalty and every thing from me to him I was just about 17 years old when I saw him in first time he was my first man I didn't see anyone in the whole world except him

Our last fight or break up was from 6 months because I know that he had a new relation with another girl I was mad how come he did something like that even it wasn't the first time but maybe it hurts me this time because I know everything about the relation in the same time not after it and maybe because he intended to leave me for her after while when I decided to leave him he came back but my problem was with him I saw him sleep with her I heard him talking to her I read all their mails and messages he really loved her he wasn't cheat her she wasn't like any girl even he was so loyal for her he told her about everything in his life he was naked in front of her which never happened with me before he knew her but he left just to come back to me I don't know why ? Even he still love her till now
And he love me in the same time and don't ask me how but really he couldn't live without me even I'm quite sure he isn't convince of me 100 % because when we fight or anything happened between us he get used to tell me that and after that he apologized and telling me he was so angry he didn't mean it

My problem right now he is missing her so much and talking about her all the time thinking of her and remember all their memories together listening to their music he so confused he said I don't know if I'm loving her or not but I'm quite sure he do
But he don't want to let me go he insist to complete his life with me because he can't live without me but deep inside him thinking about her and her love if she was the real love or not and if our love just adult love the first love which almost of the time not true
All his life so confused right now and he lost his work so I've to stand beside him as usual like I get used to do really I need help I'm loving him so much and I'm quite sure how much I do love him but I can't leave him like that he destroying himself and his life right now even he tried many times to deny that
I would die for him. I would do anything to let him live in peace and enjoy his life
I'm not only his girlfriend or even his fiancé no I'm his daughter, mother,wife and friend


So any body can help me and answer this question if he really is loving her or not
OR
If he really loving me or get used to be with me because we grow up together and we shared a lot of thing and we have a 10000 of memories we have a lot of dreams

And if he really loving her what shall I do and how I could leave my life and my love my dreams and how I could convince him to leave me

And if he didn't how can I let him stop think about her


So sorry for my long story but really I need help

[ajGambino]

You, painful love, really need help... but not about your questions, it's about your situation.

He has been cheating on you for the past 10 years and you still take him back? You need to realize that this isn't healthy.

You want to know why he kept cheating on you? Because you allowed him by taking him back. He's walking all over you man, you need to get on with your life... without him.

Don't even think about his problem about him thinking about her and you, being stuck in confusion. That's straight up insultive to your relationship.


I don't have to explain every little thing on why you should leave him, you've done that already. Listen to me, get out of his life for the sake of yourself. You want to be happy? You need to leave and begin to heal. Do not contact him or do not reply to him contacting you.

It's been 10 years, you've done this guy a favor... and now it's time to live for yourself now. You've wasted too much of your time with him.

[painful love]

Thanks for your reply
Yeah it's 10 years but I knew that he get used to cheat me not in it but after that
I gave him many chance because my love for him up normal
As I mentioned before I'm not only his girl friend I lived about 10 years from my life for one person he was my whole world

By the way in our last break up I went to doctor
I was asking for help because I found myself up normal I thought that

But he told me I'm okay but my problem when I love someone I would die for this person and told me I've to love myself
But when I tried that I found myself love him more when I saw him I felt that like I saw myself

Shall I visit a doctor again?

My love is like a cancer will kill me

Many thanks for help

[Gemini54]

Painful love, you're killing yourself slowly, but don't kid yourself that this is love.

It is in fact, as you can already see, a cancer. It's an obsession, it's an addiction, it's a neurosis, it's malignant.

Your BF does not love you. He is a parasite who is using you because he can't bear to be alone, and you're allowing him to suck you dry. He's had multiple affairs and you take him back - he's deceived you, ignored you, lied to you and still you continue to take him back.

It may have started when you were young, but now you're ten years older and you can see that it's destructive for your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

You need help to get over this toxic and corrosive obsession. It is utterly unhealthy and it has gone on for far too long.

Go back to the doctor - be honest about your difficulty in dealing with this problem.
See a counsellor to help you with strategies to deal with your obsession.
Tell your BF you are no longer his GF, daughter, mother, wife or friend.
Do it now before the cancer becomes terminal.

[ajGambino]

Pain, you need to face reality and know that he is not your world... you are. Of course you feel that he is, you've been with him for 10 years. The best thing you can do now, is get on with your life.

I was with my ex 9 years before she left me and I was thinking the same thing. I was out of my element and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I couldn't survive without her... but I had to, she threw me out of her life and I had to deal. This is what you have to do, deal.

You don't see it now, but leaving him will be the best decision you can make for yourself. It will be tough, it can leave you thinking a lot of things... but don't give up. I've had to come to reality of my ex leaving me, I'm sure you can dump this guy that's not treating you right. You deserve better, you just need some time apart to realize it.

[talaniman]

Its time to love yourself, and do for yourself, as you have done for him, and a doctor can help you get over your very life threatening addiction to this fellow.

Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist, or counselor