[talaniman]

You handled yourself quite well. Don't you think it interesting and very telling, her response to your being to hurt to be friends?

"But... can't we still be friends ?" I told her "no that would hurt me too much right now, I can't do that, I have to think about myself right now"
"But... this is really painful for me too... and it's even worse if you act like that..."

Its important to continue to stand up for yourself, as she sees this much differently than you, and is more concerned about herself and what she wants as compared to what you want.

Honesty is the key here. And business before pleasure as you must never forget she can take stuff any time, but believe me her agenda is getting as much as she can from your jointly owned home. A 50/50 split may not be fair since you got the down payment from your family.

These are the real issue to consider, not stuff, or friendship. That's why you need facts from a professional, (lawyer) as how to make this a clean, fair break, or she will have hooks in you for a long time to come.

[eendjuh]

Hey just to inform you what happened these days...
She came over to visit me and we talked about selling the house. She herself said that she wants to make sure that my family get there part back, because that's the right thing to do.
Sometimes she said things like "do you really want to sell the house?" "I don't know if I'm making the right decision right now..." "If we really belong together we will end up back together, but I can't promise anything" well I don't really believe in faith and stuff, everyone makes their own future

Needless to say probably, but this got me all confused again and I felt like the first day we broke up again, stressed, confused.
I broke down again and called her a couple of days later, she said I misheared what she said and that she didn't mean it that way.

Well AGAIN lesson learned about contacting her, I just need to get over her and handle my own business, but well it's rather easy to get false hope when she says these confusing things (well I found them confusing, don't know about you guys)

Ok started to feel a little better again, but still confused... now what happened lol...
I got a little drunk yesterday and I was using my instant messenger, she came online...
Well basically we had our first fight lol, normally I don't really show my feeling because I'm too scared to get hurt, but well I had to release them one time I guess.

Well 'fight' is a big word, but I was acting a bit too assertive :p.
The longer we talked, we started to talk about the things that went wrong, and what our feelings were when stuff happened and things were said in the relationship.
She even said she still has problems with me kissing the other girl and could never forgot that. I told her that I too think a lot about the fact that she slept with another guy and can't forget that either, but I forgave her and tried to cope with my feelings. She told me that after that stuff happened she was really scared to open up again to me and that could probably be a reason why it didn't work out again.

We talked about all sort of stuff and our emotions in our relationship really.
We kept talking till about 4 am and then she went to sleep.
I texed her to wish her a good night and she texed me back to say I was really sweet and wishing me a good night too.

I know that I shouldn't have talked with her, but to be honest, I do feel really relieved now, that I get all these emotions and thoughts off my chest. I should talk about my feelings more often, as it really seems to help, instead of always ignoring them and try to forget.

Today I sent her an sms to say thanks that we had the conversation, and that I really feel better now that we talked about our emotions and she finally told me about her feelings about stuff that happened.
She texed back that it really was a good thing and that she feels better too now.

And I'm still feeling pretty good right now, I now realise it wasn't only my fault that it didn't work, and I no longer blame only myself for it, we both had problems. I feel that I finally can let go of the past and move forward to a better future, with or without her

I do wish we had this sort of conversations much much earlier, but well some things can't be changed and I don't have to sit around and worry about it, but only have the future in mind, and what I want to accomplish in my life.

I'll just have to see what the future brings to me :)