[whoknows4312]

My boyfriend of two years dumped me three months ago. He initially said that he "wanted something new in his life," which I think was just a subtext for "I don't think you're the one anymore." He also said that I put way too much pressure on him. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. We never really talked about it. At that time I was really frustrated because even though he said he was honest about his reasons, I felt like he kept me in the dark. We still kept communication, and stupidly, I was really needy for the first 3 weeks when we broke up (I voiced my worries about him leaving my life, etc, calls, etc). Two days ago, I asked him if he would like to give the relationship another chance, but he said no, but "maybe in the future." I also apologized for whatever misunderstandings I caused, and I asked him if he would like to talk about what went wrong to heal all the wounds. He agreed. Since then, he never brought up the subject again, so I asked him today:

"Me: did you forget what we talked about 2 days ago?
Him: no miss
Me: ok
Him: why would i
Me: because you're not saying anything related to it
Him: whats there to say?
Me: then i guess you did forget?
Him: well i dont remember every little thing
Me: it wasnt a little thing.
Me: i asked you if you wanted to talk about the whole pressure misunderstanding to heal what happened.
Me: you said yes.
Me: that wasnt a little thing.
Him: no it wasnt
Me: okay fine, ill ask. so where does this lead to now?
Him: i dont know
Him: i feel like your worrying about it too much
Me: well i asked if you would like to talk about it
Me: you said yes
Him: that was then
Me: well thats a slap in the face isnt it
Him: i dunno
Him: look, im gonna go practice
Him: soooo
Him: talk to u later
Me: why are you getting so distant about this now man?
Me: well okay
Him: run run run
Me: have fun practicing
Him: thanks
Me: yea
Me: feel better"

Sorry if the chat was too long. Do you guys think I was too forceful when I brought the subject up? I really love this guy, but I never really know how to approach him. And I want to change for the better, but I need to really know what went wrong. This is especially hard because he was my FIRST boyfriend, my first love, first everything. We're both 19. I think I can say that I was his first love, but definitely not his first girlfriend.

[whoknows4312]

I think I just realized how much I of a jackass I was/is to him now. He's a sensitive person; and whatever I say really affects him, whether it's something nice I say or mean. I always preached to him about honesty; but now I know that I wasn't always honest to myself and him. I believe there were definitely things I said that made him believe that I wasn't the one; and in a way, I don't blame him; and I think he still talks to me because he still cares about me. He said before he was attracted to me, but he doesn't want to continue dating. A year ago, he once commented how he didn't like a certain part of my body, and didn't realize how much that effected me. Once he understood, he stopped saying those things, and commented how he liked my body. :) I used to be like that before too; I realized that by casually making fun of a birthmark he had, it added to his pain. I apologized and stopped there on. But I guess, thing's became rougher when time went on, and he felt that he had to really watch whatever he said to me to not hurt my feelings. However, I never really reciprocated. When I felt wronged, I would subtly make a condescending or facetious remark. I'm a bastard, and never realized how much that would hurt him. I guess things built up, and he felt too pressured when I told him to stop staying up late, being late to class, etc.

As, I reread this conversation, I have changed a bit, but there is still that uneasy tone in my voice. I want him to know that I honestly, truly, understand now. He's tired of putting up with my , but still, (or am I being delusional) cares for me. Do you guys think I should take an initiative here and tell him in more detail about everything I just realized?

[whoknows4312]

Oh, censoring:
"He's tired of putting up with my , but still, (or am I being delusional) cares for me."

It's supposed to be: He's tired of putting up with my bull****, but still, (or am I being delusional) cares for me.

[liz28]

It is time for you to move on and let go. How much longer are you going plead and beg for him to be with you?

Not to sound harsh but he doesn't want a relationship with you and he done told you this a number of times.

Right now your not capable of being just his friend because you still love and want him. Being his friend is like placing your hand in an open fire. Why do it if you know your just going hurt yourself.

Start healing so you can get over him and in the meantime cut all communication with him and start your new journey. A life without him.

It is okay to be alone but it is unhealthy for you to hold on to something that isn't there. Your only digging the knife deeper and deeper into yourself and emotionally hurting yourself.

So let him go and move on. Take it day by day and use all the your strength and willpower from within. The road will be bumpy but you can do it.

[whoknows4312]

I forgot to add that I said it was okay that he didn't want to date me anymore.

I think right now I just want him to really understand that I know how much my words affected him. I know I have my faults, and I sincerely want to change myself for the better (and not to just get back with him). There's a feeling of guilt. I didn't feel like that I was really pleading in that conversation, or when I asked him if he liked to give it another chance. I just asked him and told him that I was sorry.

[chuff]

I'm going to be honest with you. In his own mind he is screaming, "LET IT GO." He doesn't want to be rude about it, and he may even feel some guilt for the break up which is why he sticks around to try and help you cope. But he's over it. He's done. He does not want what you want. He's moved on. He's through.