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camiciotto · May 20, 2009, 11:49 PM

We have been together about 3 years and split up a couple of times in between... Her parents were not very keen in me... than she came back. We moved into a flat in Northo London and She really liked it because it was close to her work and Uni. I was married before her and lately moved to the house previously bought (2nd house). SHe hated it. We split up... she couldn't find anywhere so she asked for a second chance... ok... our relationship had lots of problems.Then, 2 months ago, she is moving out.. Her friend is giving her a room to rent, gone... I even gave her a lift and she left me the like a taxi driver. Nop remorse, no looking back and wonder... I wanted to be simply loved, someone who cares and put me first.. She was not giving this to me. It was my fault, work work work, come home whilst on the phone with a mate, ignore her. Trust ! Told her I didn't believe in her? What a PRIC I AM! I lost her because I never gave her real attention. When we went out she would walk either in fornt or behind me, with her parents she is ignoring meand I get upset.. It was bad in bed. No passion. My fault. I called her she say she moved on... no way we are going back, sorry. I realized where we went wrong baby! Please give a chance, I cannot see through without you. NO NO NO. I stop calling, delete her number, messages e-mails. She send me a message... I had a bad dream about you, want to know you OK? I answered, yes I am, then I call again.. can we meet ? I really miss you! NO NO NO. I asked her not to message me anymore.. she didn't. I start running, decorating, going out. Doesn't help. SHe is there in front of me. 2 months I see her everywhere, I cry when I'mn running, people look at me, they think I'm exausted. "friends" they tell me don't worry it will go... stop contact (bought the book) can't do it. Called her again yesterday, do you have someone? Maybe... maybe yes maybe no. Checked Facebook, she has a new friend, maybe he is the guy. It hurts like hell. Called my cousin and cryed... no sleep tonight, up every hour thinking of her. When she moved out she said sorry, I wasnted to move out in January but didn't kow where to go... U used me a bit. I wasnted to marry her, planning on proposing this coming xmas. NO NO NO.. But you said you love me? What is happening in my head? I'm confused... I want her back.. I'm jelaus I cannot bear the idea of her being with another guy... is killing me. If I think of her with another man... my head hurts, cannot concentrate. There is not help for this ?

I'm sorry! I guess I'm writing things as they come up... I can't stop crying for god's sake!
She said she call me back last night
But her phone was off
Maybe she went out with someone... please no
What do I do

joysjrny · May 20, 2009, 11:56 PM

I wish I had a clear concrete answer for you, but I am in the same boat. I wonder why she called you to see if you were okay. I am a dream person and if I have a bad dream I will call that person to see if they are all right. Maybe she worked everything through and realizes that you weren't there for her and doubts your ability to implement what you learned. Maybe start showing you care with some actions.

camiciotto · May 21, 2009, 01:00 AM

I have done everything I could possible imagine.
Nothing seams to be enough. She is telling me she is very happy now and no intentions of coming back.
I blame myself... but wondering.. am I acting because of rejection? I have been complaining whilst with her, people told me she has been using me.
But she is stuck on my face 24/7 !
I would do anything to have her here with me. I miss her so much I cannot thing of anythingalse...
I guess I have to move on, I know but I simply cannot.

DAMN IT HURTS!

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 01:12 AM

You need to clear your emotions and step outside of yourself. Ask what parts were positive and negative on both your sides. If she was using you well then maybe that is why you distanced yourself while you were with her. Everyone will have their opinion, and it is easy to play the blame game on both ends. What is a healthy relationship to you? What are their components? What attributes and traits does she have that really reflect love? All I know is for me I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person. Some women are emotionally manipulative. I know a woman here locally that plays people like a @!$#!#@% fiddle! Be careful and clear your heart and head.

camiciotto · May 21, 2009, 01:29 AM

Thank you Joy,
I agree with you. I need to clear heart and head...
Problems is how?
I am running, going out, distracting... but it all comes back to her. I miss her too much and yet, I believe I am reactive over rejection..
My ideal relationship... someone who is on my side, no behind or in front, not over or below... by me. I can talk to, She can listen and so can I. I guess this is a bit too much to ask...
I'm jealous, seeing the photo of her new mate... cannot take it off my head.
I going out now, can't work from home today... need to get out...
Will log on later from the office.

Thanks
Leo

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 01:55 AM

How long were you with her? What exactly upset her that caused the breakup? Does she see her end in things? Are you the type of guy that once you have the woman you take her for granted? Now, that she doesn't want you the "hunt" is back on? Just to help bring clarity to you, so you can assess yourself.

camiciotto · May 21, 2009, 02:16 AM

Been with her about 3 years. We basically broke up together... we were living like strangers, everyone looking at their own pockets... I was ignoring her and so was she.
Yeah, I do take things for granted. Cam out a marriage and met her and styraight away got her to live with me... All wrong I guess

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 02:26 AM

It could have been a rebound for both of you. Have you ever read the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. It is very insightful. I just got over a painful loss myself and wish I would have read that book during the relationship instead of after.

camiciotto · May 21, 2009, 03:04 AM

I don't know, maybe I should, as I am exploring every possible option. THanks for now.

joysjrny · May 21, 2009, 03:08 AM

I refused to read that book for years and I finally gave in and now I really understand my sweetie more, but now it might be too late. I don't know if he has given up on us or not. Sometimes no news is good news but sometimes it also means they moved on. Men and women really do connect and communicate so differently. The more you bring clarity to your own soul the better prepared you are for her coming back in your life or your soulmate to be.

liz28 · May 21, 2009, 04:59 AM

Stop torturing yourself by calling her and checking her online social account. This will drive you mean. Gather all the strength you have to stop it.

You might feel emotional bankrupt right down but it is just for now. I think this relationship moved too fast and do you know what happens when you do this? It burns out fast. Once the fuel get empty that is all she wrote.

Don't let this guy steal your thunder by making you all depress while she is out enjoying hers. Time to get busy by doing something to keep your mind out of her.

Get out and have fun. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Take up a new hobbie. Go the gym to help relieve your mind and ease your stress. Maybe do some volunteering? Don't watch nor listen to any sad depressing movies or listen. Comdey always helps lift me up when I am feeling down plus laughter is good for your soul. Go hang out with your boys.

Stop calling her and asking her "if she met anyone, is she thinking of you, etc". No more calling her and no more checking her facebook/myspace. Time to completely let go and work on your healing. Take it one day at a time and each day you will get stronger. My motoo is "what don't kill you only makes you stronger".

Btw, you can always vent on here.

Aaro · May 22, 2009, 02:23 AM

Originally Posted by camiciotto

I have done everything I could possible imagine.
Nothing seams to be enough. She is telling me she is very happy now and no intentions of coming back.
I blame myself...but wondering..am I acting becaus of rejection? I have been complaining whilst with her, people told me she has been using me.
But she is stuck on my face 24/7 !
I would do anything to have her here with me. I miss her soo much i cannot thing of anythingalse...
I guess I have to move on, I konw but I simply cannot.

DAMN IT HURTS!

I know the feeling, but it is not worth being with someone who doesn't love you back. People do tend to love what they can't have. I would Ignore her completely, while making her aware of you. People want what they can't have. If she thinks that you are over her, MAYBE she will come back. I cannot say, that is my opinion, but really, I would try to move on.

naturallydelici · May 22, 2009, 10:34 PM

Forgive yourself. Keep in mind what you didn't like about your actions, for the next time, but I think it's important to know that none of us are perfect.

I know it hurts. I know about the doubt; I go back, and I over-analyze every little thing. Did I take things for granted, make too many assumptions? Was I bad in bed? Was someone else just a better person than me? And the confusion: I thought you loved me. And I think of her with others, and she's always so happy in my mind. But none of this has helped me feel any better.

I guess all I can tell you is that from what I hear, things will be better, just in time. Go NC and worry about yourself for once (I know, easier said than done). I saw someone suggest watching a movie while you go to sleep. This has helped me a little. The dreams, are always pretty bad.