[chuff]

Chuff i guess you are right, why would i want a friend like that??? but i always had one thing i beleived in and its to forgive and forget.

Dont get me wrong though, by me saying that it does not mean that me and her we'll ever be close again even as friends, it simply means that i will maybe aknowledge her presence one day if i see her around!! =)

I'm not sure I caught your age but I'm guessing your young and hard headed. Take it from me as I've always been hard headed myself and stuck to my beliefs. As I've gotten older I've realized that some of my beliefs have really held be back. Even when I thought they were good beliefs. Sometimes your beliefs are wrong. Sometimes you need to change and I think your belief of forgive and forget needs to be changed or at least modified.

When you forgive someone it isn't for them. Forgiving someone is for yourself. It is something you do to move on. It took me a long time to grasp this. By forgiving someone your giving up the pain they caused you. Your giving up the hold they have over your emotions and thoughts. Your saying to yourself, "There's nothing I can do about what that person did to me and instead of carrying around anger, I'm going to put it in the past and move forward."

I believe you should change your belief to forgive, but never, ever forget.

[Skell]

KAdd,

Chuff and cat have given you some great advice here. I really hope you listen to them.

Stop blaming yourself for what happened! It wasn't your fault. You are indeed lucky (I know you don't feel this way right now) that you have seen these things now.

It is much better than 5 or 7 years down the track.

You should be glad that you have saved yourself from even greater pain in the future
Keep moving forward and be strong. Work on YOU!

[Wildcat21]

Yep - this is a woman you've found out you could NEVER trust. She doesn't respect you.

[kadd0007]

Hey guys,

Without having to rebore you with my current situation, I have a very and simple question.

Its been excatly one month today that I have not talked, e-mailed, messaged or heard anything of her!!

So I know now that I am capable of not contacting her however I still miss her dearly, I know she does not even deserve for me to miss her but yet I can't help it, is this normal?? I mean I feel like what we had I am never going to find with anyone else, what if I don't am I going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her?

I am not sure why I miss her more than usual this past little while I sjut do, any advice?

[Wildcat21]

Go another month - then a simple phone call to say hi.

It's still a grieving process.

[Skell]

The first 3 months or so are going to be hard. You will miss her. You will probably miss little things about her for a long long time to come. This is normal behaviour. I have been broken up with my ex for about 6 - 7 months now and I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't still hurt at times. It does. Sometimes I still feel a little hurt and upset and just miss certain things about her.. She was a good person and a big part of my life and now it is gone. You can't just replace that in a few months because you don't contact them. In fact I will never replace it. Just find something / someone new that makes me happy.

So yeah I still hurt little. But so so much less then before. So much less. I am now happy most of the time as opposed to miserable most of the time. You will too my friend.
You just have to give it time. Keep up the no contact. Just find things to keep occupied and it will get better.

[kadd0007]

Thanks guys really appreciate the response, however wildcat for the first time I am going to disegree with you.

As much as I would love to call her and say hi in a month time, I think I am just going to call her on her BD which is in April 2007...

The reason why I am waiting that long is because I know myself, in my heart I want to call her in a month and have her be just as happy to hear from me and want to see me which in order proves that I am not near being over her, hoever in April 2007 I am sure by then I would be over her and I should not care what she says then... what do you think?

[Krs]

As wildcat said, this is a grieving process... which trust me takes time. You're not going to wake up 1 fine morning and say " oh how great i feel today, im not even thinking of her "... unfortuntaley it doesn't work like that.
You are only thinking now that you will never find someone as good as her, all these things take time.

Just keep yourself busy and try your utmost to push her further back in your mind and prioritise what should come first... YOU.

Why bother to call her on her birthday.. you've gone without calling for so long...
Think of you.. what if you fall back where you started... what will u do then?

[talaniman]

For now work on yourself to get to the point you are healthy again and the hole in your soul has healed.

[kadd0007]

Good point, that's why I don't want to call her now, but you never know what if I call her in April and then it takes me back to square one.

Well then there you go my mind is made up, if somehow we connect again so be it but its for sure not going to be from me calling her!. thanks guys!!

[kp2171]

... i mean i feel like what we had i am never going to find with anyone else, what if i dont am i going to settle with someone else further in life and always think back to her??

I am not sure why i miss her more than usual this past little while i sjut do, any advice?

After breaking up with my girlfriend of seven years (through HS, college) I felt like that. How in the world am I supposed to find something better, etc.

Well you do. You are going to think of her often for some time. Even when in a new relationship you'll think back to her... as in maybe she didn't like the food that your new girlfriend does, or maybe she was less patient about something... she's a part of your life and your past. Its not going away.

But, as was mentioned, it is exactly like a grieving process. Ever had someone you cared about die? Well... it hurts like hell for a long time, and over time it hurts less. You never miss them less, but the hurting does fade.

The only difference with the girlfriend is you do miss them less in time.

I've been married over 6 great years to a fantastic person. I still think of every girlfriend from time to time. Two of which I was madly in love with. When I think of them now its more of a "i-wonder-what-shes-up-to" pondering, not an angst-filled suffer-in-my-own-misery thing.

Meaningful relationships mean something. Its supposed to hurt when it falls apart.

Thankfully, others come along. They are never the same as the previous one. But don't classify all others as not as good just cause it isn't the same. I had connections with my first girlfriend that were unique to that relationship. I'm thankful for the experiences... and some of the connections I still miss a little. But you find that in all relationships. Don't harp on the "what if i dont find better". You're setting yourself up for failure.

Be patient. Eventually you'll miss her less and like someone more.

[Wildcat21]

kadd0007 - if you can wait until April - more power to you.

I'd satrt doing gother things now - hope you work out, run, lift weights etc - I'd start dating - dtae, date, date - wortk harder at work... school.

I know 1000% working out helps you move on.

[kadd0007]

LOL its funny you mention the gym wildcat, I am a regular client at the gym but lately I have stepp it up and I am there more often and the results I am getting are great.

At the same time me and a bunch of my friends are planning a trip to Cancun Mexico so should be a blast...

Well to clarify things, I don't hurt at all anymore, I never think back to her or our time together and get upset and teary like I use too, I just think back and ONLY miss her as I am not exgareting when I say this but I have dated a lot in my time and still am at the moment and NEVER have it had anything close to what and me and her had... thats why I am having a hard time with this...

But just like most of you said I am being optemestic and I will wish for the best and cross my fingers to the day someone comes along that I will share similar experiences with =)

[Wildcat21]

Good - a long work out or run puts a ton of stuff in perspective.

Traveling is the best - helps sooooooooooooooo much.

That's good - see missing some one like that is healthy. You weren't in love with the relationship idea - but with her.

[kadd0007]

Wildcat did you mean to say that in reverse... I was with the relationship but not her??

Or am I getting ti wrong?

[Wildcat21]

What I was saying is some people are in love with an idea of a relationship - but not necessarily that person. They want so desperately to be in a relationship - anyone might do.

[kadd0007]

Ah I see it makes sense now!! Hmmm I wonder if that was my case??

Something to think about lol!!

[Wildcat21]

It is. Happens to everyone. Depends on how good of a person she really was.

[kadd0007]

Well to be honest with you she seemed like she had a good heart, but its kind of hard to lok back and say that she did after she treated me like crap for 6 month and at the end she cheated on me!!

A lot of my friends tell me it's a case of ( you want what you can't have ) since I never had any girl turn me down, and that also makes some sense too but I am not too sure!!

[kadd0007]

Hey guys,

For theone who are familiar with my situation here it goes, today I got sent a picture with my ex making out with some really really ugly dude when she went away with her friends for the weekend.

Wildcat I was saying how maybe I should call her so yesterday ( **** THAT ), so my question is? Now that I know about another time she was cheating, I though about just sending her an e-mail with the picture just to let her know that I know, I am not even going to write anything.

So should I? Is it a good idea? Please keep in mind this gesture I want to do is in no way a way to try and get her back at all it is merely to let her that I know??

Please give me your thoughts??