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whyme06 · Jul 1, 2006, 11:32 AM

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 years old I am now 21 and he is 22 years old... We have a little boy who is 17 months old... We both attend the same college and are supposed to be graudating soon... anyway we broke up back in December and we just started to get back on good terms these past couple of months but now some girl who he slept wit back in January is claming she is pregnant with is child... I love him with all my heart and soul but I just do not know what to do.. His mother is telling me to stay because he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me but I do not know what to do something is telling me to stay and something his telling me how is this going to work out... I asked him if that is his child what is going to do because we are barley getting by with our own child... he said he not going to do anything ahe is going to have to put him on child support but he told his mother he is going to kill himself if it is his.. I hope he doent stoop that LOw... this is crazy what should I do?

jeffatl · Jul 1, 2006, 12:26 PM

Paternity test when the kid is born? I think it costs $100 Does he say it IS his child? Don't know what to say until then really...

whyme06 · Jul 1, 2006, 12:30 PM

There will be a test, his mother is a nurse and she is doing it for free...

jeffatl · Jul 1, 2006, 12:34 PM

Ok, so Im guessing he is saying its NOT his? It all really depends on how you feel about all of this anyway. If you can't get past it, that's OK... You are by no means obligated to stay with him because you have a child with him. You want your child to learn from you, and you really have to lead by example. If you won't be happy with him then I think you should leave. If he is a good father, he will help out and see his child. If you don't want to be with him and you stay, it will make you bitter and all you will do is fight with him... not good for your baby. Think long term here and what is best for your child, please. Best of luck!

educatedhorse_2005 · Jul 2, 2006, 01:51 AM

Kick him to the curb. Get a child support order. Go on with your life.

fredg · Jul 2, 2006, 05:59 AM

Hi,
I do agree with the previous answer. This "boy" of 22 yrs old is not a very responsible person. I am 64, married 29 yrs, and believe me, you will do much better to get a lawyer, talk with him/her, and start getting child support from your boyfriend. Make some new friends, and it will take time to get over him.
You can move on, make it a much better life for you and your baby.
Of course, it's your decision. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

momincali · Jul 2, 2006, 11:47 AM

At a time like this, you can't let your "feelings" for this guy get in the way. His mom may say he loves you and even if that were true, it's not enough. He had no business being with other women and having unprotected sex especially when he already has an illegitimate child. If this baby turns out to be his, you need to immediately seek child support and hopefully the other girl will do the same. He needs to be a man now. Don't let him or his mother sweet-talk you out of it either. This is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with?? Is this who you want to be a role model to your child? How selfish is he to say that he will kill himself if this new baby is his and leave his kids fatherless? Immature and selfish. You don't need it and believe me you really don't want it. Move on. Let him have a relationship with his son, encourage it even, but any relationship between you and him should not be romantic, just as mother and father to your child.

valinors_sorrow · Jul 2, 2006, 01:54 PM

Here is a little different take... for what its worth:

You aren't in much of a place to judge him for the other baby since you did the same thing. Granted, it was with a lot more relationship and time behind you both but it was essentially the same thing - a child out of wedlock. You can be shocked at how fast he moved but you were broken up at the time. Are you capable of moving as fast as that? If so, then don't be judging him likewise. If not, then that is one point to consider but that point only goes to whether you take him back. Either way he is supporting one or two kids but that, frankly, is his business for now. If you take him back, you get to inherit it. Until then, it is not your problem, so put it aside.

The only question, really, is do you want to attempt a second chance with him. Leave the babies out of it for a moment for a clearer decision. He remains your child's father whether you take him back or not. Sadly, I don't see second chances work very well when I look around in the world. If it was big enough to break up over, its usually big enough to stay broken up over. If you two do hook back up, I would suggest you seek counseling to help increase your chances too. You'll both have a lot to overcome.

Just some thoughts to consider.

Chery · Jul 3, 2006, 05:05 PM

The baby will always be yours... The man will probably not - because there's too much doubt, and no more trust. He needs to concentrate on being a father, no becoming one again and again.

No matter what his mom says or wishes, it's not her life that's going to be determined here. Her son's responsibility is very clear - and she will always be the 'grandma'. So if she likes you better than any other woman in his life, she'll have to live with it and visit you a lot. Just don't give her the opportunity to manipulate either one of you. Her role in this is strictly as the grandmother - no longer the 'matchmaker'. It's also time that he takes his life in his own hands instead of letting Mom help him in tough situations.

After all the hurt, and healing process, do you really want to go through it again, just to be a 'family'? I know that you've been together for along time, but apparently he was missing something and probably has not found it. And, are you sure you still 'like' everything about him and what he's done? It's your choice dear, but look at all the options before making a commitment that will stress you out.

Good luck dear, and please keep us posted.

Krs · Jul 4, 2006, 02:32 AM

Originally Posted by whyme06

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15 years old I am now 21 and he is 22 years old.....We have a little boy who is 17 months old.....We both attend the same college and are supposed to be graudating soon... anyways we broke up back in December and we just started to get back on good terms these past couple of months but now some girl who he slept wit back in January is claming she is pregnant with is child.......I love him with all my heart and soul but I just do not know what to do.. His mother is telling me to stay because he loves me and he doesnt want to lose me but I do not know what to do something is telling me to stay and something his telling me how is this going to work out....I asked him if that is his child what is gonna do because we are barley gettin by with our own child...he said he not gonna do anything ahe is gonna have to put him on child support but he told his mother he is gonna kill himself if it is his ..i hope he doent stoop that LOw..... this is crazy what should i do?

Don't make any rational decissions till this girl has her baby, get the test done, then sit with your boyfriend and discuss how to go about this situation.

He won't kill himself, that's a selfish way out, big time.

talaniman · Jul 4, 2006, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by Demonspeeding_2005

Kick him to the curb. Get a child support order. Go on with your life.

I really think this is the best solution and can't add to this!!

black butterfly · Jul 5, 2006, 05:44 AM

Aww my days, love you! I'm in the sort of same position.me and my boyfriend split up for a few months last year and he slept with someone and go her pregnant.
The baby was born last week.
I really don't know what to do myself, walk away or stay!
I know that I will not stay around if he has contact with her or the baby, he says he doesn't want to anyway but you never know what is really going on inside his head! This will be the mistake that will tear me and him apart for good!

black butterfly x

Wildcat21 · Jul 5, 2006, 09:18 AM

Walk away from that guy Butterfly - it's only trouble and no trust going forward. Leaving him with his mess.

Skell · Jul 5, 2006, 05:32 PM

I don't think you can stop him seeing his child either black butterfly therefore if you can't handle it you should leave him now. I can understand you not wanting him to see the girl but it is unfair for you to stop him seeing the baby if he wants to.

jeffatl · Jul 5, 2006, 05:44 PM

I agree with you in a way Skell... You should let him see his kid IF he is a good father, AND IF he is... that will only hurt your child! NEVER use a child as leverage in a situation like this. Be an ADULT... YOUR CHILD deserves to see ih or her father...

Blazingsun · Jul 5, 2006, 08:09 PM

Yes, the child deserves to see the father.

But in such a situation, the woman who is being hurt doesn't deserve to have to put up with it...

I agree with everyone that is saying to walk away.

It may be very very hard, but he wronged you big time. He destroyed vital trust. How many more 'wrongs' might you have to watch him enjoy father's day with if you stay?