[Starcrossed]

I'm in my late 30's and never married. Recently, after signing up on a social networking site I made contact with my high school sweetie. She was so happy to hear from me, and said that she had been looking for me online for quite some time. We started communicating via messaging & text, and eventually phone. I had asked her if she was still married to her second husband and was given an ambiguous response.

As it turns out, she was going to be in the city where I live for other business and asked to see me. She came over and we were both pretty nervous at first. After much talking it was revealed she was still married, but is very unhappy. She wants to leave him for her own happiness, but feels "trapped" by lack of a <financial> means to break away. Also, her kids (all from the first marriage) are in high school and she does not want to make them switch schools.

She appears to want me back, and to be honest, I still do love her as she was my one "true love" and soulmate. We did share a passionate kiss when I saw her, but nothing else. I don't want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage.

If I did get together with her, assuming she divorces the husband then I would feel obligated to move to her location for the sake of her kids. This would make me feel like a "replacement" ummm... like I would be a guest in "their" world. I would prefer to start over clean in a completely different environment and build new memories instead of dealing with the "ghosts" still present.

I don't really know what my question is. I just need some insight because I am blinded by this old-fashioned puppy love. Please share your thoughts with me on this, and I can provide more information if needed. Thanks so much! :eek:

[HistorianChick]

Right now, you need to make the decision to not be involved with this woman on a romantic level... period. She is still married. Happy in that marriage or not, she is still married.

Unfortunately, this isn't a "what if" question, because chances are, she will never leave. I hate to say that she was "testing the waters" to see if you'd be up for a fling on the side, but as an outside observer, that is very much my suspicions.

She probably wasn't thinking that and probably honestly was happy to see you. But you need to make her realize that you're worth more than "candy on the side"... you're a main course, and should respect yourself as one.

Be thankful for the memories, but until she is divorced and out of that relationship, keep her in the past.

Best of luck.

[Starcrossed]

Be thankful for the memories, but until she is divorced and out of that relationship, keep her in the past.

Thanks HistorianChick, that is good advice. I told her how I felt, and even said "I'm a main course!". She says she respects that and that's what she likes about me. Supposedly she is going to leave. I guess I'll know the answer soon.

[HistorianChick]

Thanks Historiangirl, that is good advice. I told her how I felt, and even said "I'm a main course!". She says she respects that and that's what she likes about me. Supposedly she is going to leave. I guess I'll know the answer soon.

I'm very glad that you told her that you deserve to be "a main course." That took a lot of courage - seldom do we see that kind of courage.

Best of luck. :)

[talaniman]

For all the emotions that have been rekindled and stirred up, she has her own life to straighten out, before she can move to what you want. Its important she do what she has to for herself, without your influence and help.

Sorry she is unavailable to you.

[FanManPro]

A happy, healthy, giving and mutually balanced relationship is actually a partnership that consists of mutual respect, open and honest communication, and a genuine appreciation for one another. When you are in a healthy relationship you feel free to "be yourself" without fear of being judged. We all deserve contentment and fulfillment for a healthy life and mental and emotional well being. The right person for you will 'complete' and fulfill you. You may even feel a sense of chemical attraction to them. If they also have this same natural attractedness for you, then you are both on your way to a satisfying future with this person.

Put the kids first when possible. Having a healthy relationship is better, not just for you, but for your children who need to see and feel safe and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship. Good relationship matchups can literally change the world for the better one relationship at a time.

A supportive friendship rides the waves of good and bad, ups and downs, provides someone to lean on, talk to, and share mutually enjoyable fun times with.