[RC87]

WARNING! LONG POST!

My first post on these forums...

What the title of the thread says, basically.

I'm asking if my ex actually wants a relationship with me again.

A lot has happened between me and my ex. The reason why we split up was because she couldn't trust me. Your first impression upon reading that would be "he's a cheat". Well, not at all. The story is we started "seeing each other" from after Christmas last year. We weren't in a relationship technically. I wanted to go out with the woman though. She didn't. About a month and a few weeks we were still "seeing each other". By this stage, I was very unsure if she actually wanted to take us to a relationship stage. My fears were realised when she stayed over one night... After leaving the next day, she text me saying "I still don't know what I want". I didn't know what to do... So, I went out soon after I received this text... I met a girl after a good few beers and you can tell what happened after that. I slept with her two times... This was out of pure spite because she didn't know what she still wanted...
She found out what happened and she started crying as if I cheated on her... But anyway, she text me after she found out saying "I realise how much you mean to me now and I want to go out with you." Fair enough, I thought and I had a relationship with her. It didn't last long though... She ditched me because she couldn't trust me because of that incident when we weren't even going out!

I was quite upset... I went through a women hating stage and slept with any girl I could find willing to...
I used women and broke a few girls hearts in the process, which I regret.

Me and the ex did have a little fling around June where we just had sex but it never got round to anything serious. We stopped doing that soon after though and were just friends...
I got to know some other girl for a while and generally started to discard any feelings for my ex altogether.
I still spoke to my ex from time to time and I wasn't that fussed by her, to be honest. It got to a point where I was just winding her up for a laugh... This is where things got complicated again.
Near the end of August, she was about to go to America for a week on holiday. I thought it would be funny winding her up saying "I'll miss you when you are away", that kind of stuff... I didn't really mean any of it but she seemed to take it seriously...
She got to America and I was still winding her up. She took it all in and she appeared online every now and again and mentioned she sent me a postcard and a shirt! I was shocked! But anyway, one or two days before she was going to go back home she asked me if "we can have sex".
I was in two minds... sex is sex... But, sex with her again could get me emotionally involved again and I don't want that.
Well, she came back and being the fool I am, I thought I could take up the offer of nailing her and I could block out any past feelings I had for her. And it happened when she came round my house...
She left after staying over for the night.
I discarded the other girl I got to know when the ex stayed over.
When the ex came over, it was weird, we acted like a couple as if nothing happened bad happened between us. We started texting each other all the time like the old days.
I thought I could handle any feelings, but after a few hours, they soon came back. I bottled them up for a week or two and ended up telling her. I could tell she really wanted to know how I felt for her...
I told her and she didn't take it badly or anything. Didn't tell me to forget her or anything so I thought that could any mean one thing... she feels the same.
I asked her to stay over one Friday night... We watched a film etc. She fell asleep and I spoke to my mate over MSN and he questioned why she was staying over... For sex or something more... I got worked up over this for a while and my mate questioning me about it forced me to ask her what she actually wanted from me...

She woke up for a bit and I asked her why did she stay over... She was like "because I want to be". I just blurted out "I have feelings for you and I want to know what you want."
She said something she wants to try and trust me for a few weeks and if she can, we'll go out again... So we are in the "seeing each other" phrase again.

Basically putting me in the same position as a good few months ago...

A few weeks into this "seeing each other" crap and I don't know what to do.

The problem with my ex is she finds it very hard to show her feelings.
I tell her my feelings for her, tell her I love her and I would be the happiest person alive if we got back together properly again. But I get nothing in response. I try and make an effort in seeing her as I don't see her often... I stayed over with her on Saturday night, but that was the first time I saw her in two weeks!
She acts like she doesn't give a toss but why does she when she agreed that the more she'll see me, the more she'll trust me... So if that's the case, why does she bother texting and phoning me every night? I don't get it.

I just want her to open up to me as it's hurting me a lot at the moment. How can I?

[Wildcat21]

Dude - just take it slow with her. What are the worries? Sounds like you are together.

I don't see the confusion here. Just play cool and QUIT asking those questions. Be the FUN guy - have fun with her.

WOMEN ask the relationship question - believe me.

These things take time - as you can see with her.

Just don't go sleeping gwith anyone else. You're still BUILDING trust with her.

One question - Do you respect her?

[RC87]

Dude - just take it slow with her. What are the worries? Sounds like you are together.

I don't see the confusion here. Just play cool and QUIT asking those questions. Be the FUN guy - have fun with her.

WOMEN ask the relationship question - believe me.

These things take time - as you can see with her.

Just don't go sleepin gwith anyone else. You're still BUILDING trust with her.

One question - Do you respect her?

Of course I do...

It's just it gets to me that she won't tell me how she feels.

I'll take your advice, sometimes it is hard to not pose relationships questions... I'll try my hardest not to though.

[Wildcat21]

It's hard for some women/men. She will open up to you one day if you give her the time. Just keep SHOWING you care - don't say it!

Seriously - no questions. Keep her guessing - she seems to need that AND it's worked for you.

She likes something about you to KEEP coming back.

[RC87]

It's hard for some women/men. She will open up to you one day if you give her the time. Just keep SHOWING you care - don't say it!

Seriously - no questions. Keep her guessing - she seems to need that AND it's worked for you.

She likes something about you to KEEP coming back.

Yeah, there must be something, haha.

We are really close as well so I enjoy her company etc. So it's difficult to not say what I feel...

To be honest, I've ever been told this advice before. I've been told other things about my situation, but not this.

It seems the right approach, I hope it'll work!

[Wildcat21]

My advice to every guy out there is not SAY how you feel - show it.

Don't say it!! If she says I love you - seriously - say "I know".

Once you say those 3 little words - thngs change drastically.

[LUNAGODDESS]

I was quite upset... I went through a women hating stage and slept with any girl I could find willing to...
I used women and broke a few girls hearts in the process, which I regret.
So…now… she is responsible for your behavior as a player and giving fleas to undeserving women... She broke your heart because of what…

”…The problem with my ex is she finds it very hard to show her feelings…”oh that is right…she is insensitive. So now you need to exploit, misuse other women…because she is slow to show her feelings. Your Ex is right you are a cheat, player, flea collected….some woman have the skill, ability to recognized a cheater at sight.

I try and make an effort in seeing her as I don't see her often... I stayed over with her on Saturday night, but that was the first time I saw her in two weeks! …Now you are upset that she calls you over for a butte call…that is when she is horny and needs some shagging she calls you …for you are easy…for most fleas collectors are usually OK in bed and that is it…having fun yet!. from Europe the big Isle England, or Great Britain …just wanted to know love your spring garden time….now back to the problem… that you have…you love a woman that is distant from …but make yourself available to her when she is horny and needs a shag…I have ten fingers and ten toes and these represent the men that wish they were in your situation…it’s call living life and adding other things that make yourself happy…

Time for you to obtain other activities that will bring you or place you in touch with other woman that may have the same interest as you and not carry so much baggage…I AM THE WINE TASTING CLUB GROUPIE…there I have met some interesting people and found a wine that taste so good with chocolate [Yalumba NV Museum Reserve Muscat]
This activity gave me some hope in life after may husband…find something to do that will keep your mind off the negatives in your life…

[talaniman]

Seems as she likes you but wants to know if she will be with you on the next level. Be patient and help her enjoy this phase of the relationship and ease off the questions and pay attention. Her feelings will be more forthcoming as she eases into a comfort zone with you and as you have written you are very capable of using her as you have used others, so respect her wish to go SLOW.

[Wildcat21]

I can't say enough on going slow in relationships. You want things to work ut - go slow!!

Yeah, every guy wants to jump into the sack right away - not a good idea.