[feelingunloved]

Hi all,

Wondered if you could help as I am going out of my mind about this.

I have been in a relationship with my boyf for almost 4 yrs now. He lives at home and I live in my own flat and we love each other very much. He is 23 and I am 25. I live away from my family and do not see them very often.

The only problem is that I am now in 2 minds about our relationship. I want us to move in together and rent a flat but he doesn't and wants to stay living at home. We do spend a lot of time together and he stays over at my flat but he just won't take that step to 'move in'. He says he wants to carry on saving money, pass his driving test, pay for his car etc. first and does not like the idea of renting - he'd rather buy a place/save for a deposit.

This seems justified but I don't think he has done much to show how committed he is to our relationship. Yes, we've been on holiday (with his family) together and he has helped me out here and there, but I can't find evidence of his commitment (I don't know if Im saying it right).

His 2 sisters have been with their boyfs for only 2 years - less than us, and they are living together, finding a place together/have got engaged... even one of my best friends is in the same boat.

What's wrong with us? Or me? Am I being too pushy? Does he not love me and am I wasting my time if I can't even get my boyfiriend to work this one out with me? Please help, I am usually a very strong person and have no issues in being independent, but I am in so much pain right now, over what seems so trivial.

Thanks guys x

[snow124]

Having been on the opposite side of a similar situation (ex didn't think I was serious), let me suggest that you don't jump to conclusions. In my opinion, you should take what he says at face value - he's being economical and does not want to throw money away renting. Saving for a home and wanting to take care of debts is definitely thinking long-term.

Don't set the pace of your relationship based on what his sisters or your friends are doing. This really does sound trivial - and if you don't feel like you've found evidence for his commitment, ask him. Sit him down and have a conversation with him about it. If you're not able to trust what he tells you, then perhaps you should end it.

[talaniman]

You two want different things in life right now and I think comparing your relationship with others is a fools game.

After 4 years you should know enough about each other to talk honestly and know what you both want, and a plan to get it.

Since you don't, you better air your concerns, and get on the same page, or there can be no future together.