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amcneil · Apr 28, 2009, 11:37 PM

I've been married for 22 year, for the same man. Out of nowhere, he says I love you but I'am not in love with you. What should I do, and does this mean my relationship is over?

ibrown · Apr 28, 2009, 11:44 PM

Im not an expert but my opinion is you go to counsling to see if anything can be worked out.Also I suggest pray and let God lead the way!

kwendij · Apr 29, 2009, 12:10 AM

Hi, 22 years is along period and in marriage they are ups and downs. Don't give up yet, Try to talk to him and above all both of you go for counseling. Pray about it and fast and please fast with faith. I know it is a difficult time for you but you will go through it if you fight it positively. Again try to spice up your love, do the things you used to do in the beginning and put a lot of attention on him. Praying for you and Good luck

Gemini54 · Apr 29, 2009, 12:27 AM

You don't say what your relationship has been like over the past 22 years. You will know that long-term relationships go through many phases and your feelings for each other may wax and wane during that time. Love may be present, but the feelings of 'being in love' may change depending on what is happening. I think that this is a natural and normal part of being in a long term committed relationship.

Perhaps you need to be clearer about what he means. If he still loves you, that's a great start. The question is, does he still want to be with you? Is he committed to staying in the marriage? Does he understand why his feelings have changed? He may also be wondering are you still 'in love' with him?

As others have already suggested, why don't you speak with him and also speak to someone you trust. An objective and supportive counsellor could help you understand what is happening.

ylaira · Apr 29, 2009, 01:46 AM

Two decades of being together tends to become boring and that's normal. Is everything seemed monotonous: routine, schedules, etc? Do you think you just need some spice in your married life? How about going in a cruise or taking trips abroad?

kwendij · Apr 29, 2009, 02:10 AM

All that is spicing up your relationship, taking atrip is not a bad idea for you two alone, sometimes the venue alone can do wonders. If you really love him so much then fight for your love and you will have it. My dear I am talking through experience and hope it will work for you too

Romefalls19 · Apr 29, 2009, 05:16 AM

Counseling and trying to break out of a rut seems like the best option, hard to say if it's over because we don't know the whole background

JudyKayTee · Apr 29, 2009, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by ylaira

Two decades of being together tends to become boring and that's normal. Is everything seemed monotonous: routine, schedules, etc? Do you think you just need some spice in your married life? How about going in a cruise or taking trips abroad?

I don't think a marriage gets "boring" after 20 years, not at all.

And, along with just about everyone else, I'd try counselling to see what the problem is. A cruise/trip abroad is not a solution. The same problems will be there when they come back to their "boring" marriage.

ylaira · Apr 29, 2009, 11:20 AM

That's why I asked...

Originally Posted by ylaira

Do you think you just need some spice in your married life? How about going in a cruise or taking trips abroad?

Since we don't have so much background in the story but a marriage counseling is a very good option.

talaniman · Apr 29, 2009, 11:28 AM

Out of nowhere, he says I love you but I'am not in love with you. What should I do, and does this mean my relationship is over?

No its not over, just you cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry for him is.

If nothing else, it starts a conversation you need to have.

JudyKayTee · Apr 29, 2009, 11:41 AM

And I don't think a marriage becomes monotonous and boring after 20 years. That's why I answered.

And I stand by my opinion - taking a vacation (cruise or whatever else was suggested) doesn't solve the problems. They are the same when the couple returns from the cruise/whatever. Again, this is just my opinion. Because this is not a facts based board (unlike the legal boards where I hang out), I assume that's all right.

If it's a question of boredom and monotony to the point where the husband doesn't love her any more, I see counselling, not spicing up an already dead or dying marriage for a brief interlude in time.

I agree with Romefalls who posted it originally - lots of info might be missing.