[makapuu]

Sorry, this is not a guys opinion.

You wrote:
My ex broke up with me about half a year ago on the grounds of he "doesnt want a relationship" there are many details that contributed to the break up but frankly i can't be bothered going into them because no matter how i play it out in my head it ultimately still leads to the same conclusion..that is the break-up..

I believe that your ex was honest when he said he "doesn't want a relationship.

The problem is that in this time we have been broken up we have never really moved on as we always come back and sleep together. I have tried dating other people but given that up now because the feeling is just not the same with anyone else. BUT he is still adamant that he doesnt want to be with me..then why keep coming back??

The problem is that YOU have not moved on. He was the one that said he doesn't want a relationship, and that is exactly what he still has with you.

Right now its like he is trying to ween himself off me lol first we saw eachother a lot, then he was trying to make it once a week, now we see eachother once about every two weeks.. etc. I mean its dumb ofcourse i know I should move on..its just hard because I havent found anyone else who makes me feel like he does.. We had a really good relationship.

It's not clear to me if you had a friendship, or a relationship. I thought he didn't want a relationship.

The thing is I know he wont stop seeing me because even he himself said he's not sure if he could ever stop. So then if its soo hard then why is he trying to stop?? I need a guys perspective..What would be going through your head if you were in this situation??? :confused:

I don't think he will stop seeing you because it sounds like you both enjoy your physical relationship. If you could put the breaks on wanting a deeper emotional relationship, you could probably keep him around.

I speak from experience. My boyfriend was a "doesn't want a relationship" type of guy when he was dating his ex-girlfriend. She was a multiple divorcée and claimed she wanted to go out, but "didn't want a relationship" either. They were together for 1.5 years and supposedly had a lot of fun times together as "friends". When she pressured him into having a deeper relationship, they broke up. They remain friends, but that's all it was ever meant to be. When my boyfriend fell in love with me, he became a relationship guy, complete with romance and a diamond ring.

[jijiking]

Yeah I know eventually I will move on you're right.. It just seems like sucha a waste! If you love something let it go and if it comes back bla bla bla..

But if you really believe that something could work and you care about that person why give up so easily... I know he is not serious about that girl because he told some of my friends..

[Nestorian]

Yeah I know eventually I will move on you're right.. It just seems like sucha a waste! If you love somthing let it go and if it comes back bla bla bla..

But if you really believe that something could work and you care bout that person why give up so easily...I know he is not serious bout that girl because he told some of my friends..

" In the real world talk is cheep, Actions speak louder than words."-DMX off the movie Romeo must Die.
I'd ignore your friends on the topic of what he says. Because then you are just going by hear say and that is a dangerous thing to do.

"If you love somthing let it go and if it comes back Blah Blah Blah..."- You
"If you love somthing let it go and if it comes back it's yours, if not then it is not ment to be."-Unknown

The reason you "give up", which you are not you are refocusing on yourself, is to let the person decide for themselves if they love you, want to be with. If you try too hard you come off as needy and lonely. Also, if you try to hard you come off as a women that will do anything to please him, even if he doesn't try for you or at least he may get that from it. Let go so you can prove that you are your own person, not some one who is feeling incompleate. Be strong and be yourself, live a while.

Take it for what you will. "Wisdom is everywhere, we need only listen."-Nestorian

[jijiking]

It's not clear to me if you had a friendship, or a relationship. I thought he didn't want a relationship.
Yes we did have a relationship we went out for nearly a year before this happened..

" In the real world talk is cheep, Actions speak louder than words."-
I'm a firm believer in actions speak louder than words that's why I'm still holding on because no matter what he says he always keeps coming back to me.. I have tried to move on believe me I have been on many dates.. I just lose interest in guys really quickly. But with him its just different.

Thanks everyone for your answeres though I know it doesn't seem like I'm taking anything in but I really appreciate it :)

[taoplr]

My ex broke up with me about half a year ago on the grounds of he "doesnt want a relationship" there are many details that contributed to the break up but frankly i can't be bothered going into them because no matter how i play it out in my head it ultimately still leads to the same conclusion..that is the break-up..

The problem is that in this time we have been broken up we have never really moved on as we always come back and sleep together. I have tried dating other people but given that up now because the feeling is just not the same with anyone else. BUT he is still adamant that he doesnt want to be with me..then why keep coming back?? I mean if its just about the sex I'm sure he can find someone else to sleep with..he is really good looking and girls throw themselves at him all the time (one of the reasons of the break up).

Right now its like he is trying to ween himself off me lol first we saw eachother a lot, then he was trying to make it once a week, now we see eachother once about every two weeks.. etc. I mean its dumb ofcourse i know I should move on..its just hard because I havent found anyone else who makes me feel like he does.. We had a really good relationship. Theres soo many guys but whats the point none of them are HIM..

The thing is I know he wont stop seeing me because even he himself said he's not sure if he could ever stop. So then if its soo hard then why is he trying to stop?? I need a guys perspective..What would be going through your head if you were in this situation??? :confused:

From the guy's perspective (old school) I imagine that he feels comfortable with you: familiar territory (no crazy surprises), easy and good sex, no introductory rituals, no obligations, no demands. Hey, what a deal! I'll take a dozen!

This is not a relationship; it is an arrangement in which you are a pleasant convenience. If you still love him, you have to earn his respect. If you don't, respect yourself and stop sleeping with him.

[chuff]

[

" In the real world talk is cheep, Actions speak louder than words."-
I'm a firm believer in actions speak louder than words thats why I'm still holding on because no matter what he says he always keeps coming back to me.. I have tried to move on believe me i have been on many dates..I just lose interest in guys really quickly. But with him its just different.

It appears over the last few weeks you have been told by a variety of great people with life experience that this was and remains a situation where you are being used for sex and nothing more. So here we are a few weeks later and you write the above.

So let me level with you. You deserve what's happening to you. You allow this happen. You have been told to walk away and cut contact. You don't. When he wants your legs open you open them. He treats you like you choose to be treated. You date other guys, probably responsible and respectful but you loose interest, so you allow the one guy who wants nothing more then a piece to take it. He's not coming back. Why should he? Why would he? He's got a girl who doesn't respect herself enough to shut him off when he continues to treat her like crap. Do you think he respects that? Do you think that's the kind of girl he wants to be associated with? Nothing's changed, but you keep clinging on to, "he keeps coming back" as though it is for you and not what's between your legs. He may have started this, but it's up to you to end it. If you can't be strong enough to stand up for yourself when it's obvious you are being used then what is the point of you asking and saying the same thing over and over?

[jijiking]

Ok he text me yesterday but I haven't replied.. I've decided to go no contact! This sounds dumb but I feel bad whenever I don't reply to him don't know why because its not like he's so sweet to me but still..

Its just hard! I miss him so much :( whenever I don't talk to him for a few days I start to get depressed. I wish I could find someone better than him then I know I'll completely move on.. I keep really busy but all day long he's just always on my mind.. think about stuff we used to do.. how he used to treat me etc.. I hate this! :(

[talaniman]

The only way you move on is replace those good old memories, with new ones, and have a great time without him. Sitting and remembering will only keep you stuck. Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, they have some really good suggestions for moving on.

The last thing you need is a new b/f to replace the old one, REBOUND relationships seldom work.

[chuff]

whenever I dont talk to him for a few days I start to get depressed.

Doesn't it depress you more to know that you waste your time with a guy who's only interest is using you?

I wish I could find someone better than him then I know I'll completely move on..

Well, as a guy who is completely better then him I'll tell you that I wouldn't take you right now. A guy like me doesn't want a girl who would use me to try and forget about a guy that she's hung up on because he uses her all the time. If you want to get a guy like me, better then him, you need to rebuild yourself so that you know the difference between a man and a boy, and know that when you commit to someone it's not for a quicky every time he calls.

You want a strong man right? Well a strong man wants a strong girl.

[jijiking]

I wish I could see the bad in him and not want to be with him.. But I just remember the way he used to treat me and he was so sweet and caring I can't believe how he changed so much? Was that the real him then? Or is this the real him now?

We were texting ova the weekend when we were both kind of drunk lol but I'm glad nothing happened and I told him the next day.. Said it was good that nothing did cause I would have regretted it and he asked why?. I didn't reply to that.. What does he mean why after everything he's said to me he should know the reason..

I just can't do it anymore it hurts me too much I honestly think that we could be so happy together but if he doesn't see that then what's the point right? I can't help but miss him sooo much still and for some reason want to text him and tell him this lol I'm an idiot I know that's dumb so I won't but ahhh its hard!

Even though he's not that nice to me now I still just want him to be happy.. I just know that next time we see each other its going to be very difficult to not hook up with him because he looks at me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen haha we have intense chemistry but again it comes down to the fact that he's just changed so much!

He's been having problems with his career lately and it was at his best when we were together.. We talked about how I'm his goodluck charm and how it started taking off when we started going out, which it did. I was always really supportive of him and it sucks that he remembers the negative parts towrds the end when were fighting but oh well too late to change anything now I guess but again it seems like sucha waste!

When we were together everyone could see how happy we were and were jelous of what we had.. We were honestly deliriously happy and I know it was like that for him as well.. it was only when the rumours started that I started believing all this crap that people were telling me about how he can't be trusted etc etc and we started fighting.. but still I think he's dumb for letting it go without fighting for it but guess it just wasn't meant to be..

That was long but had to let it out haha any comments would be appreciated :)

[chuff]

When we were together everyone could see how happy we were and were jelous of what we had..

Mmmmm No they weren't.

[talaniman]

I found this quite telling...

When we were together everyone could see how happy we were and were jealous of what we had..

You make it sound like what you had was better than any one else's. Some how I don't think you believed that.

We were honestly deliriously happy and I know it was like that for him as well.. it was only when the rumors started that I started believing all this crap that people were telling me about how he can't be trusted etc etc and we started fighting

So I bet that was hell, letting what others tell you come between you and ruin that happiness that others were so jealous of. HMM, but you said he changed, yet it sounds like you were the one that changed and broke this thing up.

].but still I think he's dumb for letting it go without fighting for it but guess it just wasn't meant to be..

So despite you listening to others and ruining this relationship, you blame him for 1) changing 2) letting you go 3) not fighting hard enough to keep you?

I think he got sick, and tired, of you starting things, and since you only elaborate on him, my guess is the part you played in this drama that led to him wanting his freedom.

So, why did you let everyone else fill your head with doubt and drive a wedge between you???

[chuff]

I found this quite telling...........


You make it sound like what you had was better than any one else's. Some how I don't think you believed that.

So I bet that was hell, letting what others tell you come between you and ruin that happiness that others were so jealous of. HMM, but you said he changed, yet it sounds like you were the one that changed and broke this thing up.

So despite you listening to others and ruining this relationship, you blame him for 1) changing 2) letting you go 3) not fighting hard enough to keep you?

I think he got sick, and tired, of you starting things, and since you only elaborate on him, my guess is the part you played in this drama that led to him wanting his freedom.

So, why did you let everyone else fill your head with doubt and drive a wedge between you???

ARGH! This rating system sometimes.

This from Tal is dead on. I read that and actually asked myself how I completely missed that. Guy is happy, the relationship is good, and you let others tell you how to run the relationship for you, causing his unhappiness, and now you want him to return to the way HE was. Well isn't that interesting.

[jijiking]

I find you guys quite harsh.. anything I say.. its like you have to attack me. I never said that I didn't have anything to do with the break up, of course I am to blame as well.. would be stupid of me to walk away from a relationship and not knowing what I did wrong. I do know, but since then I have tried to fix things..

The reason why I started to doubt him in the first place was because one night when we were out this girl threw herself at him and he cheated on me.. (was a kiss but still) I forgave him and tried my hardest to move past it. He said was really sorry and said that he would do whatever it took to gain my trust again and we were happy for a while but I just couldn't get past it I guess. He is in a position where lots of girls do this all the time and I just wasn't sure if he would do it again given the chance.. (if he did it once, while I was in the club bdw why wouldn't he do it again?).. so naturally whenever there were rumours I'd ask him about it and he started to get angry.. I know it was my insecurity that led to it but don't know what I can do about it now.. it seems as though its too late..

I know that if I were with him now I would behave differently but at least I figured this stuff out for when I get into another relationship and hopefully make things better in the future because when we first broke up I didn't know why but I have thought about it A LOT since then lol

[chuff]

I find you guys quite harsh..

I read to here then stopped. I'm getting real tired of people coming to this website and throwing this BS around when the truth is told. We aren't sugar coating sh!t for you. You asked for opinions and advice and you got them. You didn't follow any of it meaning we all wasted our time and your still in the same spot you were when you started. That's not our fault. Look in the mirror and place the blame on that girl, who is quite harsh to herself. Spare the rest of us, because we all know what were talking about. If your ego is so out of whack that you really think you know what your talking about then keep doing what your doing and keep getting the same results. But after weeks of asking the same question and doing nothing suggested you deserve what you get. I find you quite disrespectful for wasting the time of everybody when you don't actually take any of the advice.

[talaniman]

I know it was my insecurity that led to it but don't know what I can do about it now.. it seems as though its too late..

Its never to late to work on yourself and deal with your insecurities, so they do not lead to impulsive behavior, or irrational decisions.

The reason why I started to doubt him in the first place was because one night when we were out this girl threw herself at him and he cheated on me..(was a kiss but still) I forgave him and tried my hardest to move past it. He said was really sorry and said that he would do whatever it took to gain my trust again and we were happy for a while but I just couldnt get past it i guess. he is in a position where lots of girls do this all the time and I just wasnt sure if he would do it again given the chance..(if he did it once, while i was in the club bdw why wouldnt he do it again?)..so naturally whenever there were rumours i'd ask him about it and he started to get angry.. I know it was my insecurity that led to it but dunno what I can do about it now.. it seems as though its too late..

You have the power to learn at your finger tips, just by reading the available info.

Handling Insecurity | LIVESTRONG.COM | LIVESTRONG.COM

This is only one link I found that may be helpful.

[ajGambino]

Tough love is the best love. Hearing what you need to hear so the 'sugar coating' won't misplace any advice that was given out. You may not like it, but it's what you need to hear.

Life isn't fair and the world is a hurtful place to live in but only you can overcome them and live life positively instead of dwelling. This is what tough love as taught me so far.

[friend4u178]

The others have nailed it and that is your his booty call.

Don't give him sex and he will dissapear.

If you'd done this 6 months ago you would have been over him by now and enjoying meeting new people.

You may think we are all harsh but unfortunately it's the truth.

Above is my original post from nearly 4 weeks ago so looks like you've wasted another month.

Leave him alone and you may just find someone down the track you deserve.

[sabrewolfe]

You two just have a relationship built around sex. He is probably becoming aware of that, hopefully maturing in that fact. Neither one of you have any real substance of a relationship. He is seeing that, since he apparently can get girls anywhere, as you said girls just throw themselves at him, maybe he is getting bored and wants more. Is that all you consider yourself able to offer this guy? Just sex? Think long and hard about that. There are so many other things that are also valuable to a relationship and which can enrich the sex life into much more.

[liz28]

Some people just have to learn the hard way before they really get it. I thought she would have got it a long ago but she didn't. The coffee is brewing but you haven't smelled it yet. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow.