[Nestorian]

wrong wrong wrong - once again.

I really don't believe that "a woman and a boy can be just friends" - what a cock of baloney. There is absolutely NO reason why a married man should have an emotional relationship with a woman other than his wife. Are you kidding?? That's what a wife and a husband is for. If he has any needs, then he should address them with his wife, not some other soccer mom.

And that the wife is jealous?? Are you kidding, that is HER man, she has every right to feel the way she does.
Take it from me. I loved my husband and gave him all the liberty in the world with his friends - never hassled him and guess what?? He winded up cheating. That's how most men are - they look at women and they undress her almost instantly, even if they don't say so.


Anybody who denies that they think about their opposite sex friend as anything other but just a friend is a liar. We all have that - when we make friends with someone of the opposite sex, the thought to date him or her ALWAYS crosses our mind. So lets not kid ourselves.

Wow, you really are against this idea eh? I've got a lot of friends who are married and have females for best friends. To be honest, it seems to be a blending of the sexes these days. Men and women are equal and so now girls are behaving more like the wild impulsive men that they detest. Well that's what I've noticed, nothing really wrong with it, but it does tend to seem like every one is doing every one, or people switch partners ever week. Kind of like a soap actually. Haha. But what ever.

The point is now girls and guys are mixing as friends and lot of girls are playing sports that men dominated and girls are taking more interest in sports on TV at the Bars/pubs. They can really get into it too. So now a lot of girls are Best friends with guys, and visversa.

Jelousy is bad thing, it blinds us to what is really important. I can understand why she feels like that but its' wiser for her to talk to her husband and sort the situation out. Telling him he can't have female friends is not fair. What about the girls that are Bi? Or guys that are Bi, she they not have any frineds? See it's his life in the end, and if he wants to do something, she either needs to respect that, and trust him, or let him go. Or he will just leave any way.

I know guys and girls who've been the most faithful people ever, then one day many years, some times up to 15-16, into it they start to have a bit of a distancing and they cheat. It happens, and you can't stop them from it.

You don't know what that women is thinking, unless you are Psychic? That would be kind of cool. Any way, you seem very distressed over this matter, and like you need to talk to some one, as your pain is very powerful and I can feel it from here. I'm very sorry for your raw deal but life changes, and you can too. Make yourself into a new and happy person. It's up to you to decide that.

"Anybody who denies that they think about their opposite sex friend as anything other but just a friend is a liar."- dincher

That may very well be, but I've had many Female friends and I've never cheeted on my ex with any of them. After she left me I did hook up with a few, but that's hardly a crime. I may have fantacised about it, but I didn't ever consider it seriously. I knew the line, and a lot of the times I didn't think of her friends, or my female friends like that. I had a different view on them. Please don't make such assumptions that we are all the same it's not very nice, and more importantly most unwise.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[liz28]

Dincher, I hate to burst your bubble but all because your husband cheated and is now married to his friend doesn't mean every experience would end up like yours.

I have males friends just like my fiancé have female friends and everything is just fine. I trust him and he trustes me. No lines have been crossed between me and my male friends and I can honestly say the same thing regarding my fiancé females friends.

So when you say guys and females can't be friends and just friends your wrong. Sorry your husband left you for his doesn't mean that everyone is the same.

I stand by my answer regardless if you disagree.

[Gemini54]

wrong wrong wrong - once again.

I really don't believe that "a woman and a boy can be just friends" - what a cock of baloney. There is absolutely NO reason why a married man should have an emotional relationship with a woman other than his wife. Are you kidding?? That's what a wife and a husband is for. If he has any needs, then he should address them with his wife, not some other soccer mom.

And that the wife is jealous?? Are you kidding, that is HER man, she has every right to feel the way she does.
Take it from me. I loved my husband and gave him all the liberty in the world with his friends - never hassled him and guess what?? He winded up cheating. That's how most men are - they look at women and they undress her almost instantly, even if they don't say so. And I'm sure that woman is probably thinking "hmmmm, how would it be if me and him were together".

Anybody who denies that they think about their opposite sex friend as anything other but just a friend is a liar. We all have that - when we make friends with someone of the opposite sex, the thought to date him or her ALWAYS crosses our mind. So lets not kid ourselves.

Sorry that you got such a raw deal, but I think that your experience is colouring your viewpoint. Not all men are cheaters. Not all men are sexually attracted to their female friends.

We are all different in what we want and expect in relationships - our partners cannot and in fact in a healthy relationship, should not, be expected to meet our every emotional need. Sometimes we might seek friendship and companionship outside the relationship.

I have no idea what's happening with the soccer mum, it will be up to her to sort out what's happening, but I think that you need to be cautious about not projecting your own anger, resentment and fear on to her situation.

[dincher]

The original post wasn't directed at what happened in your past.

I understand that the original post wasn't directed at something that happened in my past. But my experience I should hope, would serve to warn others. What's the point of having experience, if your'e NOT going learn from them??

Obviosly, if this woman finds herself somewhat neglected then that needs to be addressed. Having a member of the opposite sex as your best friend or whatever, while you're married is wrong wrong wrong.
I don't care what any of you say, it's the truth. You say,

... I'm pretty sure if you were going to cheat on your wife with a woman who is going to cheat on her husband, then you would not bring them along.

Well, how about because maybe theyr'e not having the affair yet? How about because maybe the one or the other feels uncomfortable even though the desires are there, and they haven't communicted their desires verbally YET?

I really don't care what your opinion on this topic is - I know what I lived.

The bottom line is that if the wife feels somethng in her gut, it's best for her not to ignore it. She has every right to question, as she's the wife and should be #1 in her husband's life, not # 2 aside from the soccer mom. I'm sorry, but the fact that the woman feels that something is wrong (red flags) should be sufficient cause for her to take some kind of action.

[dincher]

Sorry that you got such a raw deal, but I think that your experience is colouring your viewpoint. Not all men are cheaters. Not all men are sexually attracted to their female friends.

We are all different in what we want and expect in relationships - our partners cannot and in fact in a healthy relationship, should not, be expected to meet our every emotional need. Sometimes we might seek friendship and companionship outside the relationship.

I have no idea what's happening with the soccer mum, it will be up to her to sort out what's happening, but I think that you need to be cautious about not projecting your own anger, resentment and fear on to her situation.

I never said that ALL men are the same, but used the word "most". Most meaning the majority. The heart is treacherous, even the bible says so. Sometimes people whom you're not attracted to will become attractive over time with their personality. It's only human nature.

[dincher]

Dincher, I hate to burst your bubble but all because your husband cheated and is now married to his friend doesn't mean every experience would end up like yours.

I have males friends just like my fiance have female friends and everything is just fine. I trust him and he trustes me. No lines have been crossed between me and my male friends and I can honestly say the same thing regarding my fiance females friends.

So when you say guys and females can't be friends and just friends your wrong. Sorry your husband left you for his doesn't mean that everyone is the same.

I stand by my answer regardless if you disagree.

Yes, but the amount of time you spend wth someone of the opposite sex can make all the difference in the world. Like I said before, there is a reason why this woman feels this way, and believe me it's not her own insecurity. She wouldn't be having this issue if her husband would give her the attention that she needs.

[Gemini54]

I never said that ALL men are the same, but used the word "most". Most meaning the majority. The heart is treacherous, even the bible says so. Sometimes people whom you're not attracted to will become attractive over time with their personality. It's only human nature.

But not SEXUALLY attracted dincher, just because you like someone's personality, doesn't mean you want to have sex with them. (and I don't see what the Bible has to do with it)

It's your perception that something is wrong, wrong, wrong (in this case male/female friendships in marriage), that's OK. But it doesn't make it the truth.

[Shleecraw23]

It sounds like it's time to do a little detective work... be it showing up at a game randomly or trying to be more intemidating around her. Let her indirectly know that he is YOUR man. Don't feer inferior to this girl... that will only give her strength. When you go on this camping trip, crack some hilarous jokes, make yourself out to be the wonderful, funny, life of the party I know you are! Put her in her place, but don't be obvious about it.

[Jake2008]

I agree that the husband is doing nothing wrong. Give the guy a break. He's at the ball game, alone, his kids are playing ball with another parent's kids, and the parents talk.

I presume that the husband of the woman friend also goes camping with his wife and children, and will be there when you go also.

You need to get past yourself, and show an interest in attending ball games. Invite the woman and her husband over for a barbecue. They did after all entertain your husband and children camping last year right? Did you take the time to thank her?

Have you phoned her and asked what you can contribute to the next camping trip?

If you are not going to go and you're already sure you aren't going to have a good time, then make some excuse and not rain on a perfectly good family camping trip.

I would say that if you end up looking like the bad guy, its because you haven't even tried to make them comfortable in getting to know you. Sounds like you'll be missing out on a good time.

[Nestorian]

I understand that the original post wasn't directed at something that happened in my past. But my experience I should hope, would serve to warn others. What's the point of having experience, if your'e NOT going learn from them???

Obviosly, if this woman finds herself somewhat neglected then that needs to be addressed. Having a member of the opposite sex as your best friend or whatever, while you're married is wrong wrong wrong.
I don't care what any of you say, it's the truth. You say, Well, how about because maybe theyr'e not having the affair yet?? How about because maybe the one or the other feels uncomfortable even though the desires are there, and they haven't communicted their desires verbally YET??

I really don't care what your opinion on this topic is - I know what I lived.

The bottom line is that if the wife feels somethng in her gut, it's best for her not to ignore it. She has every right to question, as she's the wife and should be #1 in her husband's life, not # 2 aside from the soccer mom. I'm sorry, but the fact that the woman feels that something is wrong (red flags) should be sufficient cause for her to take some kind of action.

"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."- Socrates

Expereince is not always true to all things. With each new situation, we gain insight into one of many possibilites, but that is not to say that it will always be the same. Life is pliable, and thus the possibilities are pliable. I would advise being pliable too, or life may not be so kind to you. Or rather, as some have theorized, you may not be so kind to yourself.

There are ways of handling such things, but anger is illadvised. Best to talk things out, and be responsible for yourself.

Peace and kindness be with you.

P.S. Sweet, Liz I'll have to send you a coppy of my book when I finnish it. Haha, I think I have a long road ahead of me, all I've got so far is, Benism: Then I end it... :o I'll get there I'm sure. Haha

[liz28]

Dincher I would love to know where your getting your information from because again your saying male and females can't be friends based on an experience you had.

Then you go on to say ". Most meaning the majority of men are the same as your ex", well your wrong, wrong, wrong. I would love to see some stats on your theory.

I once had a former female friend that tried to pulled to take a guy I was seeing at the time. Does that means I should let this one bad experience dictate my future friendships with females? No! If I did I wouldn't have the females friends I have now.

[chuff]

I understand that the original post wasn't directed at something that happened in my past. But my experience I should hope, would serve to warn others. What's the point of having experience, if your'e NOT going learn from them???

But your experience is not this experience. It's not even close.

Obviosly, if this woman finds herself somewhat neglected then that needs to be addressed.

She is not neglected. Honestly, did you read the same post we all read? Her own husband has tried to include her. That is not neglect.

She can address her insecurities with her husband, but those are hers. It's not his job to deal with her insecurities when he's done nothing to cause them.

Having a member of the opposite sex as your best friend or whatever, while you're married is wrong wrong wrong.

Again, I didn't read where they were best friends. But let's assume they are. So what. They are going on a camping trip with each other's families. Honestly, how does this escape you? They aren't flying to Vegas for the week in a luxury room with a hot tub.

I don't care what any of you say, it's the truth.

Do you know the word truth means? I realize the one man you loved out of the 3 billion available screwed you, but that does not define the truth.

You say, Well, how about because maybe theyr'e not having the affair yet?? How about because maybe the one or the other feels uncomfortable even though the desires are there, and they haven't communicted their desires verbally YET??

Is this for real? Aren't you admitting what most people here are saying? There is nothing going on, and now you are saying the same thing. But... because one guy did it, now all men are cheaters so this guy is going to do it on a camping trip in with both families.

I really don't care what your opinion on this topic is - I know what I lived.

What you lived has nothing to do with this OP's question.

The bottom line is that if the wife feels somethng in her gut, it's best for her not to ignore it. She has every right to question, as she's the wife and should be #1 in her husband's life, not # 2 aside from the soccer mom.

Never was it expressed that she is number 2. This is pure made up BS.

I'm sorry, but the fact that the woman feels that something is wrong (red flags) should be sufficient cause for her to take some kind of action.

There are no red flags. In fact there is nothing wrong. If she wants to question her husband about she certainly can, but she's got no ground to stand on.

[chuff]

I never said that ALL men are the same, but used the word "most". Most meaning the majority. The heart is treacherous, even the bible says so. Sometimes people whom you're not attracted to will become attractive over time with their personality. It's only human nature.

Most men are the same huh? Do you know that men take longer to emotionally recover after a break up? Do you know that more men commit suicide over a break up then women. Why is that exactly? Why are these evil, sex only wanting, undressing every woman they see, lusting, can't be friends with women the ones who suffer the most. Now we aren't talking about you... we are talking about most.

[chuff]

Yes, but the amount of time you spend wth someone of the opposite sex can make all the difference in the world. Like I said before, there is a reason why this woman feels this way, and believe me it's not her own insecurity. She wouldn't be having this issue if her husband would give her the attention that she needs.

READ THE OP! Her husband HAS tried to include her. It is HER, who is trying to back out.

[liz28]

Had to spread the rep Chuff but both of your posts were dead on. All I can say is "Whoa".

[Nestorian]

Sounds like we need a "sexy party."- Stewie Griffith.

Sorry had to break the tention in hear.

Maybe we should just wait for the OP to take some of this info in, eh? Im sure she'll be thrilled that every one is responding to her.

Ok, I said it. Peace be with us all.

[Romefalls19]

What I am still trying to grasp is the fact that she can't make time to go to her own kids baseball games? Kids remember that stuff and it will come back to you. I remember both of my parents at all of my baseball games and I am still close to my parents today.

She wouldn't have this chance to get close to your husband if you decided to come to the games and include yourself in things. Not that I think it matters, the husband and other woman is not doing anything wrong. What is the big deal about going on vacations with ANOTHER FAMILY!

[liz28]

Sounds like we need a "sexy party."- Stewie Griffith.

Ok, I said it. Peace be with us all.

You watch too much Family Guy but I love it. Lol