[tammylibra]

I have been married for 15 years and with this man for 18 years... I feel so alone and empty. We can not talk to each other, I feel like he does not understand ANYTHING I say or how I feel. I usually am faced with a blank stare when I try to communicate with him. I am angry and irritable. I used to be somewhat active and outgoing, I am very isolated now. We haven't slept in the same bed for more than 10 years, he stopped sleeping in our room to punish me a very long time ago and it just became habit I guess. He now spends most nights play WOW on his computer and than will sleep on the carpet for a couple of hours.

I need fun in my life, stimulating conversation and I need sex. I think of death everyday. So here is my question, how do I stand alone? We have four daughters together, which he will take no responsibility for when we separate (I know this from 2 previous attempts)... he seems to have no interest in them without me. He says he is happy in our marriage and doesn't want a separation. I have no family or even friends anymore. There is no one to help me or protect us when I leave. My husband is about to be sent to Germany for three years and I feel like I am going to go crazy if I stay with him. How do I live my life alone?

[Nestorian]

I have been married for 15 years and with this man for 18 years...I feel so alone and empty. We can not talk to each other, I feel like he does not understand ANYTHING I say or how I feel. I usually am faced with a blank stare when I try to communicate with him. I am angry and irritable. I used to be somewhat active and outgoing, I am very isolated now. We haven't slept in the same bed for more than 10 years, he stopped sleeping in our room to punish me a very long time ago and it just became habit I guess. He now spends most nights play WOW on his computer and than will sleep on the carpet for a couple of hours.

I need fun in my life, stimulating conversation and i need sex. I think of death everyday. So here is my question, how do I stand alone? We have four daughters together, which he will take no responsibility for when we separate (I know this from 2 previous attempts)...he seems to have no interest in them without me. He says he is happy in our marriage and doesn't want a separation. I have no family or even friends anymore. There is no one to help me or protect us when I leave. My husband is about to be sent to Germany for three years and I feel like I am gonna go crazy if I stay with him. How do I live my life alone?

Sorry to hear that.
Try looking for support in your area by way of women's shelters, or child care facilities. Talk to a counseler, they most likely will have a list of community support agencies to give you what you would/ will need to leave. I am not sure what country you are from but I'm sure he will need to pay child support, may I suggest going back to school. I've seen it a hundred times before women going to school with some times five kids! I have no idea how they do it, but they do. Slow and steady I guess, see how much support you 'll get from the government, unless you have a profession already.

Reconnect with your closer friends and family before you lost contact. Explain that you were just lost, and made a mistake, I'm sure they'd forgive you and give you help, or talk to you at the very least.

I think a counseler is the best way for you to get the inforamtion, and resources you will need.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[Nestorian]

P.S. I volunteer for a women's shelter down in a court house. I help answer their questions, connect with lawyers, and comfort them should they need it. I also help any one else, including males, but it's usually just the women.

No, I do not know much about Law. But I do know a bit about finding local support agencies.

[tammylibra]

I am college educated and was a professional at one time, I have the money to leave and support myself and kids. I have no living family and friends are long gone... my fears are all emotional and safety fears. I really appreciate your response and your advice. Really do need someone to talk to, making me cry just now. Counseling always seemed so pointless to me but I am going to give it another try. Thanks again.

[Nestorian]

Feel free to unload, as I'm not shy, nor uncomfortable with it. Please do be mindful others are on here and will see what you post, but they won't know who you are unless you tell them who you are.

I really think group theropy may help you. Also, join some groups as in exercising (do you have a family Y Gym, you can take classes like dance/yoga/Tei Chi exercise while the kids are at the child minding or "day care". With affordable rates.)
I'm not sure what group would be of use to you, maybe changeways (they may call it something else where you live), it's about learning to refocus your thinking. Easier said than done. Even volunteering may help you out, get out and involved in the community, meet new friends, there are nice people out there.

I hope you meet some great people. You sound like a nice person, who just needs a little social connection. Maybe a man and not a little boy that likes to play his video games eh? I'm sure there are some men out there too.

[Gemini54]

Making the decision to leave is the hardest part.

There are multiple agencies that can provide you with advice and assistance. At the moment you need practical, helpful information that will assist you to make a new life for yourself. You can find these on the internet for your area.

Start by speaking with someone, then make a list of what you need to do. You say that you can afford to leave - then do it. If you have safety fears then speak to a lawyer and get legal advice.

My sense is that your husband feels as empty and isolated as you do. Try and deal with him compassionately, and to leave the door open for him to provide support for your daughters.

It seems to me that you have already lived a 'life alone' - this may well be the opportunity for you (and your husband) to emerge from your dismal cave and start new lives. You may well be doing both of you a great favour.