[Flower22]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half and recently some problems have began to rise to the surface. Through-out our whole relationship my boyfriend has been somewhat jealous when I talk to other guy friends at parties or take pictures with them (but nothing to crazy). The past month or so on the weekends it has gotten so bad we end up having big fights about this issue or I end up driving home. When I ask why he use to be fine with me doing all these things in the beginning of our relationship he responds with, "that's because we weren't this serious before." He's always telling me every guy just wants to get with me because I'm pretty, even my guy friends when I know they have no intention. I'm going crazy! I sat him down the other day and had a serious talk about our future together. We had planned on getting marriend and having children within a few years and now Im not so sure I would be happy spending the rest of my life with this man. Within a month I've lost my connection and I keep telling myself it will return. I talk to one of my guy friends a lot on the phone about my relationship, and I feel like I'm cheating because my boyfriend now has got me thinking I have to many friendships with men and if he knew I talked on the phone with my friend (even if it was about him) as much as I do that he would tell me to "just go date him then." I have to erase text messages because he goes through my phone and will get angry if he sees I texted a guy more than a few times. I don't like to hide but I feel like I have to. After my talk with him he said he will quit being jealous and that he loves me so death and wants to grow old with me, but part of me thinks that this is him and I can't change that. Am I wrong? My plan is to give him another chance here and see what happens in the next couple of weeks. I do love him and it would be a shame if this last year and a half was all for nothing. If you have any advice please let me know. I'm in need of some serious help.

[talaniman]

If his words, and action don't change, or get worse, then you know a future with him is out of the question.

Time to pay attention, and not be blinded by love, to bad behavior. You are already worried about his behavior, and its affecting your life in some very negative ways.

But you must stand against him manipulating, and controlling, and isolating you because of his own problems, that he deals with badly. That's a real red flag.

[artlady]

There are reasonable boundaries that need to be established in a relationship.

Ask yourself,if he were always on the phone with some girl discussing your relationship,how would you feel?

You should be discussing your relationship with him if you want to see a change.

Set boundaries you both can live with.There must be a compromise.If you can't do that then you need to rethink the relationship.

I can assure you if he came on here he would be saying my GF is a flirt and has to have guys around her all the time to feel good about herself.. on and on.

His outlook would be totally different.

If you would be fine with him having the same types of friendships than you two are not on the same page and most likely won't find a middle ground where you can agree,unless you work on a compromise that will not leave either one resentful.

[omega_red_08]

It seems to me that he is insecure. My GF has nothing but guy friends. It used to bother me, I even asked about it on this site. She hangs out with them but I trust her. I asked her why she did this and she said it was because with women there is always drama.

I don't like the fact that you erase your text messages and hide the fact that you still talk to other guys. Is your BF the type of person that checks your phone often? If so he may start becoming suspicious, thinking you have something to hide and, guess what, you are hiding something.

Be honest. If it really is a big deal to him, then maybe you need some time off. You could totally change who you are but that is not the purpose of a relationship. You are supposed to grow together.

[Flower22]

Threads merged and edited

I told of how it is ruining our relationship and asked what to do and many of the answers said the relationship won't work out. This saddened me greatly. I'm not just going to quit and tell my boyfriend that its over (that's not fair to him).

I ended up calling him today and let everything off my chest. I told him he's smothering me. He has no female friends because he said I'm all he needs. I told him that's not healthy and that's why he gets so jealous.

I get most of my attention from him but everyone needs attention from other males/females not just one in there life (depending on their gender). He's focusing only on me and I'm suffocating. So I told him I want him to get back in touch with all his old friends that he left behind when we started dating (including all the women) and just have a good time without me for once. A test of trust.

He said he will start to mingle at parties more and talk to everyone there not just me and that he would get back in touch with his old friends and that everything would be perfect between us again. He said he would do anything in his power to make me happy and to make us work.

I don't know what to think of this. I'm definitely willing to give it a try and see where things go. I'm planning on waiting a month or two to see if he will transform into what he says he really is. I just don't know. Do you think he will start to act jealous again down the road and am I doing the right thing by waiting to see what happens with us.

I love him so much and want to give him a chance. We have has so many laughs together and so many good memories I'm scared to just throw it all away. Am I doing the right thing here?

[talaniman]

If he takes some suggestions from you I think there may be a chance. You had some very excellent ideas that may help him.

I have to say, I was impressed reading this post. It was logical, well thought out, and you presented it very well. If he doesn't get it and acts an idiot, you'll find someone that appreciates you, but I hope he gets it.

[Romefalls19]

Actions speak louder than words, I hope you stick to your guns and don't get stuck in this relationship if he doesn't change his ways

[I wish]

You seem to have everything under control. It is a test of "trust". If he trusts you, he shouldn't get jealous of the guys around you.

He does sound overly protective and maybe a lack of girl friends has caused him to be unnecessarily jealous. You've made some really good suggestions to him and now we'll see if he can follow through. Good job on getting it all off your chest. Communication is the key.

If he really loved you, he should put your happiness as a priority. So if he wants to keep controlling you and make you miserable...

But there may be hope for you guys, because he "says" that he will change. But we'll see his actions. Good luck!