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Romefalls19 · Apr 20, 2009, 06:49 AM

I love Tal's answers, even when they aren't what the poster wants to hear. 5 months and already saying he needs to stop, or at least cool down what he does before he even met you

CURIOUS08 · Apr 20, 2009, 07:28 AM

I like his answers too, but sometimes people assume things based on the question asked when they don't really know the whole story. It's hard to get something across while typing online rather than speaking in person you know. Anyhow, we have been dating 5 months... read the story... I never asked him to cool down anything lol

Romefalls19 · Apr 20, 2009, 07:44 AM

To be honest, you did kind of ask him to stop without directly coming out and saying it. You wrote this "well maybe it's not a good idea I come over there"... he asked why and I said because I don't date pot heads. With that he told me that he wouldn't do it anymore." How is that not asking him to cool down anything?

talaniman · Apr 20, 2009, 08:32 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-278099.html

Is this the same guy??

CURIOUS08 · Apr 20, 2009, 08:36 AM

Well, because I had only had one date with the guy... we weren't "dating" or in any kind of relationship. It was one at work lunch date. I told him I wasn't into the smoking pot all the time thing... and I would have been fine to leave it at the one lunch date and that's it... but he wanted more... I backed away because of it in the beginning... It was his decision to do what he did.. not mine. I wasn't expecting any kind of relationship from him and when I did make that comment it was before anything had even started.. so I stated how I felt from the moment we met... He could have taken it or left it.

liz28 · Apr 20, 2009, 09:11 AM

Again nobody is saying that you made him change. He changed on his own for you.

Besides the weed issue he gave up a close friend of his because you didn't want him to associate with anyone that knew his ex. Mind you, you stated this was a close friend of his. Here goes exactly what you wrote ". I told my boyfriend that I felt very uncomfortable for him to associate himself with anyone that still associated with the ex... and he said ok because he loved me. I know he misses this guy sometimes".

Sooner or later this guy is going regret all the changes he made for you. He might have told you he was okay with the decisions that he made but I bet you he wasn't being completely honest.

CURIOUS08 · Apr 20, 2009, 09:18 AM

He misses "hanging around the corner"... (ny term) lol... The friend wasn't a close friend.. more so just a drinking buddy.
I feel that my guy is being VERY honest with me. He is completely happy all of the time. He is very open about his feelings and never keeps thing... we discuss everything and it's like this past weekend... something bothers me.. and he says it's not just my problem... it's "our" problem...
I do feel like you guys are making me to look like this controlling and manipulative monster only because I have a slight problem with one thing. And it's not even like I'm being umcompromisable (don't know if that's even a word) lol.. Hearing about all these red flags and everything else in which honestly isn't even the case. We did speak about things this weekend and nothing is how you guys are seeming to make it to be lol...

talaniman · Apr 20, 2009, 10:57 AM

But the thing that really bothers me is that I don't see why smoking should be a big deal to him.. Any advice would be appreciated...

I have seen to many times, when personal habits that are stopped because of the attitudes of the partner, seldom last, and resurface to cause more problems later.

Since this isn't the case with you, and your partner, problem solved?

CURIOUS08 · Apr 21, 2009, 07:14 AM

Everything is fine lol... It's very hard for someone to give up something in general if they are around it all the time... I'm fine with the occasional smoke... in fact I do it as well.. but all the time is just a problem...
And not for nothing.. what I find funny about it is that he yells at his brother for smoking and says how stupid he is... I know there is an expression for someone that does something yet reprimands someone else, but I forget what it is.. lol