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I wish · Apr 2, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

Oh yea I know from many sources that she definitely has no intentions of dating and she's already expressed doubt in the decision she's made just to throw that in. Even so she did make the decsion and maybe I'm just being foolish to try and hold something that doesn't exist. almost like trying to hold water in your hands.

During the early days of a breakup, you will continue to hope that there is a chance to get back together.

It's not whether you have a chance in the future. That should not be your concern right now. Worry about yourself first. Heal from this break up. Make yourself a better person and apply the no contact rule so that she can do the same.

Once both of you have moved on, who knows what will happen in the future. Anything is possible.

jmw0713 · Apr 2, 2009, 08:26 AM

You can't move forward thinking that you will be getting back with her, otherwise you will be making decisions based on that false hope of this reunion happening.

The possibility exists, but the odds of you getting back together are severely out of your favor. It is best to proceed forward with the notion that reconciling with your ex WILL NOT happen.

talaniman · Apr 2, 2009, 08:54 AM

Just look ahead at focus on that. As you heal you will be able to see other options, and opportunities clearer.

Right now the feelings you have to deal with of loss, are fresh, and raw. Time will heal, and you can make good decisions, based on facts, and not just feelings.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 2, 2009, 08:58 AM

All right then that is what I will do, I will use the NC rule and see what I can do to better myself atm.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 2, 2009, 09:14 AM

Oh yea I actually have a huggggeee question Me and my girlfriend were actually introduced to the same group of friends which is one of the problems I have soooo now basically the group is split up between my group and her group basically party people that aren't amounting too much and me and my friends who all have solid plans. Anyway the question is in a little over a week my best friend has a beach trip planned and wants me to go, but the thing is my ex is going as well... what should I do?

kctiger · Apr 2, 2009, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

Oh yea I actually have a huggggeee question Me and my gf were actually introduced to the same group of friends which is one of the problems i have soooo now basically the group is split up between my group and her group basically party people that aren't amounting to much and me and my friends who all have solid plans. Anyways the question is in a little over a week my best friend has a beach trip planned and wants me to go, but the thing is my ex is going as well... what should i do?

Tell him thanks, but no thanks... :cool:

drinkmenow8 · Apr 2, 2009, 09:21 AM

That's what I was leaning towards is there any way of handling the "friends" situation?

I wish · Apr 2, 2009, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by drinkmenow8

thats what i was leaning towards is there any way of handling the "friends" situation?

I've been in this situation before. The group does split up and there's nothing much you can do about it. If they are really your friends, you should tell them the situation and they will respect you. They will arrange activities accordingly until you have completely healed and ready to see your ex again.

Unfortunately, this is the type of situation where you find out who your true friends are.

talaniman · Apr 2, 2009, 11:53 AM

I would make a different plan, with different people.

jmw0713 · Apr 2, 2009, 11:56 AM

If your friends will not accommodate you during this painful time, by planning separate activities with you and leaving your ex out of them (and vice versa), it maybe time to find new ones. As a matter of fact, this would be the perfect time to expand your social circle to include new people that none of your current friends know.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 11, 2009, 03:00 PM

All right you guys I'm starting to get better I realize now that us not working out was mostly because of herself and what she is going through at the time and that circumstances suck! And could have been better to make the relationship last but she wasn't ready for a real committed relationship yet and maybe she never will be I may never know

I wanted everyone that has helped me to know that I love them and thank them for reaching out for me. Also I wanted to give you an update on what is going on.

So ever since she left me she has been hanging out smoking week drinking every single night it is almost like she has hit rock bottom.

Q: Does anyone know why she is doing this other then that she was sheltered not taught any better and now is unrestricted by me?

It hurts so much to see a friend fall I guess my best friend has seen her a couple times since the break up and she looks like #$%% It hurts a lot I have NOT CONTACTED her in over 3 weeks since the break up.

I still can't come face to face with her I have seen her driving around part of me feels so angry towards her but part of me feels like she is innocent and as a person is years away from the level of maturity I am at. I guess in a couple of month I will inevitably hear what her true colors are but by then I will be done with her.

talaniman · Apr 11, 2009, 03:45 PM

Obviously, her coping skills are not that developed.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 11, 2009, 04:06 PM

It hurt the other day when my friend told me he saw her driving her car completely high and look white as a ghost

jmw0713 · Apr 12, 2009, 09:30 AM

She is going to do what she wants. If she wants to experience life in this way, you have to let her and just let go. There is nothing you can do. Just stick to what you are doing and work towards getting her out of your thoughts.

Don't worry about her. She isn't worrying about you.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2009, 09:56 AM

Its supposed to hurt seeing a past attachment run head first into a brick wall. Your human, and you care.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 01:12 AM

This is sooooo retarded honestly there are a lot of great qualities about this girl and they were apparent when we started dating, but even then there were many bad qualities about her too much of the relationship felt like holding back a dam from breaking... and guess what it broke.

This is the same path her mom went down, grew up poor got government aid became less poor spent that money on drugs and finally when she's in her 40's she pulled her head out of her @ss and started making something of herself.

At this point I don't want to even be with someone like this but seriously I can't stand on the sidelines and watch her go through this

Btw a friend told me her and a couple other people were popping oxy's the other day... that's not good.

Even as a friend not an ex or boyfriend is there a way I can stop this... or convince one of my close friends to talk to her or something... I'm not a psychologists but I know nothing good can come from this sort of a situation.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 01:16 AM

I think the main reason the attraction died between us was because I was constantly feeling like a babysitter with her always telling her right from wrong which is bad because I shouldn't be the one to do this her parents should have but her mom was not much of a parent.

Can any expert tell me... isn't it necessary to have two people on the same maturity level in a relationship? Just because when I saw a friend a couple years back who was 19 and dating a 14 year old(yes I thought it was gross) they didn't last more then 6 months

drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 01:18 AM

So in this case could someone please tell me that it wasn't my fault because no one should have to be with someone that abusing substances even if they are young right? Any relationship where that is apparent has problems anyway correct? GODDDD I hate being so dam young and inexperienced I wish I was like 30 and could answer my own questions.

drinkmenow8 · Apr 13, 2009, 01:24 AM

When she is older do you think she will regret the decision she made? I mean I am not perfect but not many people are do you think she was just to young to be ready for a real relationship? Why do you think all this crap she's doing is happening after the 2 yrs relationship possibly because she always longed to do these things but knew she couldn't with me because we were on different pages of life? I don't know... just someone give me some thoughts.

jmw0713 · Apr 13, 2009, 06:12 AM

I time you will be able to answer your own questions. Once the emotional dust settles in your head, you will be able to reflect back on the relationship and see everything for what it truly was.

As far as her substance abuse goes, you can try all you want to prevent her from doing drugs. You can tell how bad they are and how addictive the drugs she is taking are. However, what it all comes down to is, is she willing to help herself?

If she is not willing to get off the dope for herself, no one is going to make her choice for her and change her actions. Sometimes people have to fall, in order to realize what they have done and get back up on there own. I know it is hard for you to do that. I have had many friends go down the road of drug abuse. I would always be the one on the side saying "You guys really need to stop this stuff. It is slowly killing you. You are getting addicted and need to stop now." Did they listen... NO. Not even the death of our really close friend (on of my best friends), from a drug overdose, do anything to make them realize what they did to themselves. In time some learned, and some still did not. It wasn't me or anyone else who made them wake up and choice the path to sobriety, it was themselves!

Substance abuse is hard. It's hard on the abuser and hard on the people close to them. The abuser suffers the direct problems associated with the drugs they are doing. While the people who are close to them suffer by watching what the drugs do to the abuser.

People who care ALWAYS try to help the abuser. However, the only way the abuser will stop is if THEY choose to help themselves and stop on their own. Once they make that choice, you can be there to support them, but THEY MUST make the choice for themselves FIRST.

I know it's hard for you to see her go through this, but honestly nothing you do or say will make her change. She HAS to be the one to do it, or else she will just end up lying to you and betraying herself, if she is not totally committed to stop.

Sorry for your pain, but this is one of those situations where the person has to learn to help themselves.