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narcisa_ugw95 · Apr 10, 2009, 10:42 PM

About 5 months ago a relationship ended with a man I still really really like.
It started about 3 months after I was releaced from hospital for a suiside attampt.

Long story short my first relaionship was mentaly abusive I was stuck in it for 5 years, my mum abused me when I was 18, and I was raped at 19. I'm now almost 21.

It was the first real kind of "relationship" I have been in since (I had allot of one night stands until this, thanks to him I'm doing better none of that) he knew I wasn't "well" but didn't know why, he was nice to me at first we were just friends with benefits then he wanted a relationship so we were just starting that was about 4 months or less since I met him. I would freak out sometimes I got really drunk and would text him saying I hated him and I could do better (NOT true!! ) and he had enough of it I know I wouldn't put up with it... I was still in denial about the rape and hadn't told anyone about it. Its not an excuese I know in the end of it all I was beginning to reaolise it and except it so I could start dealing with it I had allot of mixed feelings put of him because I wasn't dealing with my issues and now he hates me and won't talk to me. He doesn't know about my mum or the rape. But I still really like him and want to get him back but don't know if its even possible.

Besides that I have just started seeing a guy from england he is here for another 6 weeks and told me he might get another visa and stay longer. I like him and he knows everything about all my past he said he wants to help but I only see him at night and its like he's just using me I see him one day then about 4 days later no messages email or anything. I kind of like him yea but I still lik the other guy more. I'm at aloss as what to do about all this I could use some advice.:confused:

taoplr · Apr 10, 2009, 11:09 PM

Narcisa, you need to sort yourself out before you take any relationship seriously.

Your experience with attempted suicide should tell you to slow down and figure out your life with professional help. It is perfectly normal for you to see a therapist and work through the abuse and rape. Through good therapy, you can free yourself of the effects of the past. Then, you can build healthy, satisfying relationships and a fulfilling life.

Don't wait. Find a good therapist and commit to doing the work. You'll be so happy that you did!

Janmarie · Apr 11, 2009, 03:50 AM

I think you are looking for a relationship to some how save you. What I mean by "save" is the mistaken idea that a relationship will rid you of feeling emptiness, loneliness, and insecurity. That finding someone to be with will somehow "save" you from yourself. I truly encourage you to see a counselor who specializes in helping people overcome and heal from a past of abuses before you try to have a relationship. It is the very best thing you can do for yourself and for the one you decide to have a relationship with.

artlady · Apr 11, 2009, 04:04 AM

The best thing you can do for you is to heal and grow and become all you can be emotionally and mentally and THEN enter into a relationship.

You can not drown your sorrow or hurt in another person.

You must be complete within yourself to have a healthy relationship based on respect and mutual caring.

Your emotional problems do not disappear because someone loves you.Emotional trauma such as you have had takes time to heal from.

Some people try to bury their pain with drugs and alcohol,you are using other people to try to fix something only you can do.

The only way to do that is to get therapy and work on your past issues,get rid of the pain by facing it and doing the work to understand how you can move forward.

If you were happy being you,you would not need others to validate you.Get some counseling my friend and you will have the chance to have a full and rewarding life.You have the ability to make your life complete.You and only you.

talaniman · Apr 11, 2009, 08:05 AM

The other posters are dead on, and I think you need to stop looking for your healing outside yourself, and look inside for what you need. A caring professional can guide you through that process.

You are bringing some very unhealthy baggage to any relationship you will have, and you need to work on yourself, and the hurt, and anger of the past first, and foremost.