[askme82]

Hi to all readers

I've been reading through all topics about relationships, from the break to break ups which I'm in now.

I meet my once engaged fiancée about 13 months ago. Things were so bliss and couldn't feel better as most would feel. She is my first serious relationship for long term. Things went awesome between us, and we pretty much moved in together about two weeks after we meet (because of her situation, she had no where to go at the time I thought). She went through some tough times in her previous relationship (abuse, sexual abuse, violence the works) from what she told me. Six months into the relationship things started to slow down. Effort to affection, sex, communication. She would start losing control of her temper (slamming doors etc), and all that time I would reflect it from her past. She would gradually improve as I gave her space.
I could see she started to pull away. She has a child age almost three now (awesome child!) and she told me as soon as the child started to call me daddy, well that's were the pressure raised real quick. Its hard to get it all out in one sitting, so please ask away if I miss anything.
Short straw was we feel deeply in love. She asked for the break. Saying she needed the time to sort herself out. Because of past relationships and not taking time to reflect on herself... I feel like a rebound, but she keeps in contact. I think I'm the sucker who can't let go because I don't won't to. I understand where she is (we had a deep understanding of each other, and can be confused by the fact she wanted a break up). Is it wrong to fight for that. Just the other night, we been split for 2months now, she told me she slept with someone, that she regrets it and was a moment in time thing... to test herself... when we made terms in the first place. We agreed not to go there and to work on ourselves (but that was before the fact we split for a clean break). Its so confusing. It's a big mess I that I think I should walk away from. Sorry there isn't too much love sharing stories, and can make the difference on how you could see us as a couple. I'm lost a mess. Too involved I think many. Please help in anyway?

[Dare81]

She broke up with you, and then she slept with someone else.If this was me I would run.A relationship needs two people to make it work, in your relationship if you can call it that , you only have one.

[MiSSsy111222]

I think you should walk away from this. It is a mess. I think you should realise that true love does not consist of break ups, sleeping with other etc.

[RIrwin]

If this is your first relationship you owe it to yourself to get out there and see what other opportunities there are. My ex girlfriend and I just recently broke up and it's the only thing that has kept me motivated. She was my first real girlfriend and even though I thought I could spend the rest of my life with her I owed it to myself to see another relationship. Though I'm not there yet I know that it will be the only way to truly be happy.

Don't let your emotions fool you, think rationally. Making excuses for her is not the way to go. Her past is her past and the person she has become is not going to change. Years down the road do you want to still be thinking that you can help her change? She is not a project.

Enjoy the time that you have to yourself now. The greatest part is being able to reflect on who you are and look down the road and know that you are a better person because of this.

[talaniman]

we pretty much moved in together about two weeks after we meet (because of her situation, she had no where to go at the time I thought).

Gigantic red flag! Two strangers who meet move to fast and expect too much usually crash and burn. And you did.

she went through some tough times in her previous relationship (abuse, sexual abuse, violence the works) from what she told me.

So she brought a lot of baggage to this relationship(?) and was not ready for what you thought you had!

six months into the relationship things started to slow down. Effort to affection, sex, communication.

So the initial attraction(?) was wearing off and you two go back to being strangers again, minus the attraction.

She is my first serious relationship for long term.

And your first serious break up. A real learning experience. You have gotten attached, no mystery there, and must deal with the downside of reality,

Things changed, it hurts, and you must deal with it, and the feelings you have.

In time you will heal the hole in your soul, and let go, but for now it will hurt, and it's a lousy feeling.

It helps to go back to doing what you were doing, before she came along as you put your emotional house back in order.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and see how others have dealt with your same situation. Many have gone through the very same thing, so you are not alone.