Check out some similar questions!

cjr1 · Mar 30, 2009, 07:39 PM

OK here is my problem, I met this girl 5 months ago for 2 nights she was with a friend, I fell madly in love with her, she left to go back home, she lives 5 states away from me, anyway we started emailing, calling and texting, it was all very intense, we even made plans to meet at a place by where she lives so that we could spend some quality time together. Around the 1st of feb , I didn't hear from her for a few days and when she does call she tells me that she has had time to think and has decided she wants to slow down, so we didn't get to meet and now she calls once in awhile, never text's or emails. I feel as if she is trying to distance herself from me. I'm so confused. I can't stop thinking about her, I just don't know what happened, I sent her so many care packages, and bought her things. She is a single mother of 4 teenagers and a grandma, she has been stressed about her job, and school. Am'i being crazy and just over reacting? I know she is super busy but she could send a text or an email to say that she is OK and misses me. I tried to call her Friday and she was very distant on the phone. I probably will not call her again, text or email. Is it me or is it over? :confused:

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 07:44 PM

Well it really sounds like she has her hands full. To be honest with you, probably, the last thing she wants is a long distance relationship- in which I find just a little harder than "regular" relationships.

Stay friends with her and give her support. If the feeling is mutual she'll come around in her own time.

MRS.S

cjr1 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

Well it really sounds like she has her hands full. To be honest with you, probably, the last thing she wants is a long distance relationship- in which I find just a little harder than "regular" relationships.

Stay friends with her and give her support. If the feeling is mutual she'll come around in her own time.

MRS.S

Thank you, do you think she might be seeing someone?

Originally Posted by cjr1

thank you, do you think she might be seeing someone?

Do you think I should quit calling, texting and emailing her?

mudweiser · Mar 30, 2009, 08:25 PM

If she is seeing someone then that's okay. I mean it is her life, you guys really didn't have an exclusive, set relationship. Even so this shouldn't anger you, if you truly love her as you say you do I believe you should be a supportive friend.

Send her one last email, ask her how she's doing and that you're a little concerned that she hasn't replied to any of your calls or emails. Along with the email attach your number [you never know she may have lost it].

Give it time for her to answer you. Be patient. Like I said, if the feeling is mutual she'll come around.

The worst thing you can do is call and call and basically seem like a big creep, and with teen kids they will definitely have some sort of input about you!

Best of luck to you,
MRS.S

I wish · Mar 31, 2009, 07:55 AM

It's only the beginning, you guys don't know each other as well as you think you do. I was going to suggest that you move closer to her, but that might freak her out.

She's got a lot of baggage, she's divorced I assume? Four kids and at least one grandchild. If she wants a boyfriend, I think that she would want her closer and not 5 states away.

So how about you just be her friend?

cjr1 · Mar 31, 2009, 05:56 PM

Thank you for all your help, I guess I will leave her alone and hope and pray that she calls me again. I realize that she has a lot going on in her life right now, but I'm crazy about her and I want to be in her life rather as a friend or other. She is all I think about! I wish she would let me be there for her.

mudweiser · Mar 31, 2009, 06:02 PM

I don't want to come off as rude but...

Do you do anything in your spare time, after work.. Maybe keeping yourself busy will introduce you to new people and even have you less worried about when she'll call or respond to you.

MRS.S

cjr1 · Mar 31, 2009, 06:50 PM

No your not rude, just honest, and that's what I needed is for someone to tell me what my heart already knows, that I need to let her go and go on with my life, she has obviously decided that I'm not what she wants. I do believe that I probably won't hear from her again. I need to get out and meet people and move on. Its just hard

Jake2008 · Mar 31, 2009, 10:32 PM

I agree with you, it is time to move on.

You sound like you've been very generous to her, and I wonder if she hasn't been stringing you along and using you for the care packages for the past five months.

If my math is right, you met her, now, 7 months ago, and she cancelled an actual 'date' with you for February. I can only imagine by the way you sound, how you must have been anticipating finally getting together with her, and been totally let down.

Her behaviour sounds suspicious to me.

Her cooling off probably happened just prior to when you were to meet in February.

I would let it go, as much as it hurts now, my opinion is that this relationship was never meant to go anywhere, despite what you were led to believe.

cjr1 · Apr 3, 2009, 06:12 PM

I'm assuming that she just had too much going on in her life for a relationship right now. I just really miss talking to her everyday. We would talk for hours about our lives and the future, she even sent me a card and a romantic little book about her feelings, then right after valentines everything fell apart, I just wish she would call and tell me that she misses me and that we are still friends. Even if I can't be with her I want to be apart of her life at least as a friend. She means so much to me. I miss her like crazy!

cjr1 · Apr 3, 2009, 06:14 PM

It really helps being able to come on here and get other peoples perceptions about it. I can't help wondering if she met someone. But I would hope that she would be honest and tell me. I won't get mad, I just need answers.

Jake2008 · Apr 3, 2009, 06:28 PM

Cj, I think that if she wanted to communicate with you, she would have by now. Even as a friend, she'd give updates, or call every now and then.

You might be making too much of the small gestures she gives you every now and again.

Even if she does decide to stir up a friendship again, if it were me, I'd tell her to take a hike.

Why not just get out there and have some fun. Obsessing over something and wanting it so badly is keeping you tied up emotionally, and with that on your shoulders, you may be missing some really great opportunities.

It may help to write a letter to her, tell her how you felt, and how you still feel about her, but you have decided to move on and shake this hold she has on you. Then burn it. Just let it go.

I really hope that you work on that. You can do so much better, and be happier with someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.

cjr1 · Apr 3, 2009, 06:49 PM

Wow jake2008, you are really wonderful to talk too. You make me feel better about things. I haven't talked to her since last Friday. I haven't emailed, called or texted. I'm leaving her alone. I agree with you if she wanted to continue a friendship she would make some kind of contact. I guess this is her way of hinting to me to leave her alone. So I will, but I guess in my mind I will always wonder why! Thank you for all your great advice! You are very wise!

Jake2008 · Apr 3, 2009, 07:00 PM

You're very welcome CJ, that's what we're here for.

You're going to be okay. :)

mudweiser · Apr 3, 2009, 07:09 PM

What am I chopped liver? Haha just kidding. I'm feeling rather spunky this Friday night;)

P.S. Your right Jake is actually very wise, she has many posts that are quite insightful.

Hope your weekend turns out well,
MRS.S

cjr1 · Apr 5, 2009, 05:40 PM

No mudweiser your very wise too. I would never want you to feel left out. I appreciate everyone's help. Kind of down today, still haven't heard from her and I still miss her a lot. She has to think about me right? I mean she has all these reminders of me that I have sent her. But I do agree with jake2008 even friends give you updates. So I guess she doesn't even want to be my friend. Its so hard getting over someone. I just wish she would call and tell me something... this is way more than a slow down, its an end. Why can't people just be honest and say hey I'm not ready for a relationship can we be friends, but to just stop all communication, that hurts.

cjr1 · Apr 5, 2009, 05:43 PM

I could be a good friend to her, be there to listen and not judge, even if she has found someone I still want to be apart of her life. I can accept just being her friend, but she has to communicate first. But I will be strong and not call or text. The ball is in her court now..

cjr1 · Apr 5, 2009, 05:45 PM

Where you at? Your all offline, and I could really use some support on here tonight. Oh well

cjr1 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:29 PM

So I have a question? Should I send the card and little romantic book she sent me for valentines back to her. Or do I keep them? She obviously doesn't feel the way now that she did when she wrote that stuff. I'm just so confused how can you turn your feelings for someone off and on like a faucet? How can you share the conversations we shared, the way we opened up to each other, I told her things I had never told anyone, how do you forget all that? She has to think about me sometime right, like when she is driving or at night before she goes to sleep? I just don't understand.

cjr1 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:33 PM

I want to send her a text and ask her why so bad, but I have to be strong and not, do you think she is waiting to see if I try to contact her. Is this a game? I know her life is crazy right now, but I'm sure she gets at least a minute or two that she could call and say hi I'm OK, and I miss you. A minute that is all I'm asking.