[cswl199g]

Hi
Next month I have been married for 25 years, and within the last couple of years my husband has been in touch with his ex girlfriend who lives miles away. As part of our silver wedding present we decided to take a trip to South Africa, this is where he used to live, and in doing so apparently for the last couple of months my husband had been in constant touch with his ex. We spent three weeks touring, and during that period his ex was on his phone everyday, we were spending the last week in the city where she lives, she wanted to plan out our every detail, and if things were not going her way she would then send me nasty text messages, My husband informed me that they had been playing a game, and had enjoyed giving each other their attention. Now I have found out that on one evening when they were seeing each other to say that things had to stop, and that there was no future and that he loved me, they ended up in bed together for a short period I am devastated and don't know where to turn, My husband says he wants to forget her, regrets ever getting in touch with her, and wants to be with me.
Please help I don't know where to turn

[starlite1]

Hi Csw,

Welcome to AMHD! In reading your post, I am unclear on a few things. What was this 'game' that your husband was playing with his ex, and why did he contact her in the first place, especially after so many years?

[talaniman]

He cheated, and allowed his ex to disrespect you.

Make sure he knows that this behavior is unacceptable.

My wife says if I had done that, I would be sleeping on the couch, cooking my own meals, doing my own laundry, and I better be treating her like the queen she is,until she had vented all those angry frustrating feelings, out of every corner of her soul.

Then she would CONSIDER forgiving me, after I had kissed her a$$ in the way she likes it kissed, whenever she wanted it kissed.

The point, be upfront, and honest, about expressing your feelings, and only forgive, when he shows he deserves it.

[I wish]

He cheated, and allowed his ex to disrespect you.

Make sure he knows that this behavior is unacceptable.

My wife says if I had done that, I would be sleeping on the couch, cooking my own meals, doing my own laundry, and I better be treating her like the queen she is,until she had vented all those angry frustrating feelings, out of every corner of her soul.

Then she would CONSIDER forgiving me, after I had kissed her a$$ in the way she likes it kissed, whenever she wanted it kissed.

The point, be upfront, and honest, about expressing your feelings, and only forgive, when he shows he deserves it.

Have to spread rep, but that sounds absolutely right.

He cheated on you and that is unacceptable. If he wants to win your trust back, he's going to have to earn it. You don't need to forgive him until you are satisfied with his progress.