[dreamingartist]

Why don't you go out with your friends with out him? Tell him if you aren't going to take me out and have fun I am going to do it on my own.

But lets say she says "I wanna go out with you" or else (ultimatum) I am going to go out on my own.

Do you really want to give ultimatums you don't really want to follow through with? I mean.. does she really want to go out on her own? It doesn't sound like it.. I mean, I would want to go out with my woman, and vice versa. I would stick with the confronting and telling him portion, but I wouldn't threaten him with a alternative... I just think that will lead to more trouble later on.

Also, if you are unsure about the marriage the last thing you want is a kid.. especially if the main motivation is a ticking clock. Children should come when both parties involved are ready for it... sometimes it doesn't work out that way, but it's the ideal way.

[I wish]

Sounds like you really need to talk to your husband. This seems like an issue that the two of you should work out together.

Communication is the key.

[spitvenom]

She already told her husband she was bored he didn't care. So next step is to go out own her own. Sure she wants to go out with her husband but he obviously doesn't want to. So dreaming should she just sit in the house and be miserable and bored? Or should she put her foot down and say I am going out? I know what I would do and I know what my wife would do also.

[I wish]

She already told her husband she was bored he didn't care. So next step is to go out own her own. Sure she wants to go out with her husband but he obviously doesn't want to. So dreaming should she just sit in the house and be miserable and bored? Or should she put her foot down and say I am going out? I know what I would do and I know what my wife would do also.

I'm not sure how you interpret marriage, but there should not be anymore mind games. He didn't forbid her to go out with her friends, so she can go out with her friends anytime. That's not going to solve the problem.

You don't just bring up the problem one time, no solution and then give up. It's only been a 6 month marriage, so the communication system is in its early stages. This is an example of when the communication can be developed.

Just talk to him again. Avoiding the problem is not going to solve anything, it just increases the tension and puts distance between the two of you.

[spitvenom]

Maybe I'm a little slow but how is telling someone exactly what you want and then doing it playing mind games?

[artlady]

As far as the spending money goes,I would be very firm about that.
If your trying to plan for the future all money decisions should be agreed upon.

You should each have a budget for *entertainment* and no one should be able to exceed the amount they are allowed.

If he wants time with friends,that's O.K. as long as he spends some quality time with you as well.One Friday he goes with his buddies and the next Friday is date night for you two.

On his night with friends,go out with your friends or take a class.
Better yet take a class together.Maybe a class for newlyweds.

The key ingredient to a successful marriage is not love,that's easy,it is communication.

There are tons of articles on line about effective communication and getting your message heard using*I* statements and how to fight fair.

Marriage is work!

Just because he still likes to party sometimes does not necessarily make him a poor candidate for fatherhood. I would not necessarily put off having kids for that reason alone.Unless it is excessive.Some people only come up to the plate when it's the last inning .Meaning,he will accept the responsibility when it arrives.

As long as he is behaving like an adult and knows when to call it quits,I think he is as capable as any guy is before the actual event.

Remember ,the first year of marriage is the hardest and it is also the time when you set the precedent for the rest of your marriage.

Develop good communication now and it will see you through the coming years.

[talaniman]

I think we all need some more background into this story

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-283838.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-294082.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...es-299843.html

Just to show that there have been problems in this young marriage for a while

First Helpless, not sure if you work or not, but do know you need your own life that makes you happy, besides being a wife? Yes, your husband has made a few mistakes, and a real lack of communication, and willingness to work together is very glaring.

Its quite obvious the resentments over his lack of care has you very angry, and rightfully so. He sounds like a butt-hole most times, and is taking you for granted.

Do you work? Leave a few days, and let your own emotions settle, and get a plan of action that he respects, as partners must set the boundaries of their relationship, so define to each other what's acceptable, and what isn't.

Knowing the rules, gives you directions, and goals, so you know what to do for yourself, and your partner, within the structure of the marriage.

Marriage is a lot of work, and if you both can't be on the same page, all the work in the world won't keep you together.

So take a break for a day or two to get his attention, and see if talking and listening can help.

If I came home at 4:30 in the morning, I'd be sleeping on the couch, or porch, no telling where he should be after a few times of this disrespectful behavior.

You have put up with enough.

[Janmarie]

Even tho you are married and share your lives together you are still an individual. Your life before the marriage doesn't have to change and going out with your own friends is okay but does not need to be used as an ultimatum or a manipulation. Keep those mind games out of the marriage. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings about the situation and do not depend on him to keep you from being bored. Those are your feelings and he did not cause them. The marriage is very new and both of you are still learning how to be married verses dating.

You may have to take the lead in keeping the romance alive because some men are just not good in this area especially after marriage. Try suggesting a new restaurant you would like to try out, or not even have to be a new one but perhaps one you both enjoy and make reservations for two. Go see a movie. If money is an issue there are low cost, fun things to do if you look. If you both enjoy the clubs then make a night out for the two of you.

Another suggestion would be to get together with his buddies wives and plan an all together night out with his buddies and their wives. Maybe a bar-b-q or something.

The point is if you are bored in your marriage then you need to get proactive and take responsibility for your own boredom. Don't make it his fault and get creative.

[artlady]

I think we all need some more background into this story

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-283838.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-294082.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...es-299843.html

Just to show that there have been problems in this young marriage for a while

First Helpless, not sure if you work or not, but do know you need your own life that makes you happy, besides being a wife? Yes, your husband has made a few mistakes, and a real lack of communication, and willingness to work together is very glaring.

Its quite obvious the resentments over his lack of care has you very angry, and rightfully so. He sounds like a butt-hole most times, and is taking you for granted.

Do you work?? Leave a few days, and let your own emotions settle, and get a plan of action that he respects, as partners must set the boundaries of their relationship, so define to each other whats acceptable, and what isn't.

Knowing the rules, gives you directions, and goals, so you know what to do for yourself, and your partner, within the structure of the marriage.

Marriage is a lot of work, and if you both can't be on the same page, all the work in the world won't keep you together.

So take a break for a day or two to get his attention, and see if talking and listening can help.

If I came home at 4:30 in the morning, I'd be sleeping on the couch, or porch, no telling where he should be after a few times of this disrespectful behavior.

You have put up with enough.

Can't rep you Tal but a complete background sure puts a whole different spin on things.I never remember to look at past threads.Given the history ,I totally agree with your take on this.Apparently,no one told this guy the rules of marriage and commitment.

[Romefalls19]

If I came home at 4:30 in the morning, I'd be sleeping on the couch, or porch, no telling where he should be after a few times of this disrespectful behavior.

You have put up with enough.

I'd be sleeping outside as well, more than likely with all my stuff, conveniently broken because she accidentally dropped it while moving it.