[JoeCanada76]

Well long distance relationship. After being so close for so long. You should have known that distance would develop. He is not an *******, his heart was breaking that he was there and you decided to stay and wait until when? How does that work. There is only so much somebody can take and obvously he had enough. Do not put all the blame on him.

Joe

[Wildcat21]

YOU accuesed him of cheating? Yes he is you BF of two years... and your not divorced yet.

Maybe the distance made him realize the red flags.

My advice is he also has some control issues...

I'dwork on myself - get my divorce and clean my life up.

BF of 2 years and you were married... this was no real relationship. And he probably realized it when you wouldn't move. That's screwed up. Get the divorce and then date. Divorces don't take 2 years if it's a bad marriage.

[MidnightBlue]

I don't think you read all my posts. Something I did leave out is my soon to be ex-husband and I decided to get the divorce once we sold our condo,and that's what we were able to do this past July. The ex-bff gave me a ring before he moved, he called it a pre-engagement ring, to let me know he was serious about us. I don't want him back, I just was wondering if I should let it go without contact, or can I at least e-mail him about how I felt he left things with us?

[K_3]

I am having a hard time following you. You have been separated for 2 1/2 yrs and have been in a relationship for 2 years with your b/f and were waiting to get a divorce until the condo sold. Evidently you were not living in the condo as you said your b/f was a deciding factor in your moving out. Your b/f moved 8 months ago and your condo sold 2 months ago. Your husband is the one who got the divorce and did it while living in Texas and you do not live in Texas, right? My thoughts are you must not have wanted to go with your b/f or you would have. I am confused as to why you did not get a divorce earlier. I think his waiting around for 2 1/2 yrs was to be commended. You say you don't want to get back with him, so why do you want to pursue him? I am sure you broke his heart by not following and by not getting a divorce earlier. Your ex-husband finally got the divorce. I do not know why you feel you need to vent to him. He has found someone who wants to be with him all of the time. I am sorry, but when someone has an affair while they are married, I feel it is wrong for all parties involved. It is unfair to the husband and unfair to the lover. Although the lover certainly knows what he is getting into. I am not passing judgement, that kind of relationship has a certain amount of deceit and lying that goes with it and it can not be healthy for anyone envolved. I feel, out of respect for yourself, husband and new b/f one relationship should be ended before another one begins. There is no way you can commit to someone while tied to another. Your b/f gave you 6 months to get to him and you did not. He needed a life. You need to get a handle on what you want out of life and then have a good lasting relationship. Good luck

[Wildcat21]

Not gettng the divorce and then not moving = deal breakers in his mind. Pretty simple. Of course he moved on.

SOunds like you didn't have control of the situation and now you're upset.

I read your post perfect... it's the cheating part. Having an affair.

[stillalillonely]

Well, all I can say is that if he's not willing to meet you half way. Then your better off without him. You can find someone so much better from what I read. You seem like a very intelligent person with a good head on your shoulders. You'll find that Mr. Right.

[MidnightBlue]

Thanks Stillalil. I am trying to let it go but it's hard, even though I know it's for the best. I guess it's the way he ended it that hurts. I did a lot for him, even helped him move down there! And was always supportive. I guess some guys only care about themselves and once they find another woman they feel they can just throw their previous relationship away like garbage. I'm still crying every night but I know I'll eventually come out the other side. And I'm staying away from relationships for a long time!

[YeloDasy]

Midnight, he is angry, and you need to have the pride to walk away and look strong. It is okay DOWN THE ROAD to tell him how you feel and that maybe you are sorry the way things happened... but he is angry right now and can't hear you. So later, when he is calm, you are calm, and the intention is not to get back together, then letting him know might be okay, but for now, you have to let him make his choices. Let the dust settle a little bit. Neither one of you is correct in this situation... both made choices that were not good for the relationship... but you have to take responsibility for yours, you can't make him do that for his... so let him settle, and maybe he will be a little more ready.

[MidnightBlue]

Thank you Yelo. You've been offering me help throughout my posts and I'm very grateful to you and everyone who took the time to respond. I'm not one to reach out in times of trouble, so this is pretty new for me. What you say makes sense Yelo, down the road is sound advice. I have Not contacted him even when I felt so panicky because I felt I Had to talk to him. I'm proud of myself for that.

[Wildcat21]

Personally - from all this, it sounds like you only care about yourself. This is a two way street. He put up with a lot I think. I am blunt, but look at what he had to deal with as well. Make some changes in your next relationship. I hear a lot of me, me, me. Just from what you've posted.

[MidnightBlue]

Wildcat, HE was the one who decided to move no matter what, and HE wanted me to pack up my life and run down there with him when I had huge issues to work out first. He didn't want to wait, so who's being selfish?

[YeloDasy]

I think both parties had their faults... I have posted previously that her decisions helped put strain on the relationship, but he didn't end the relationship in a personal matter either. So, it doesn't really matter who is right or wrong, it is what can be done now... and I do think that she needs to look at herself and that other things came before her relationship(I posted that before) and maybe she just wasn't ready. But now she hopefull yhas learned to take responsibility and make some changes.

None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes, and we are all selfish at times... but we have to recognize that and make it better!

[talaniman]

Leave the guys alone and work on putting your life together the way you want it. Your happiness doesn't depend on anyone but you so leave these relationship alone and let your poor heart heal from all the stuff you've been through. Get your soul healthy so you can make healthy decisions for yourself.

[K_3]

I am not blaming you, but I do not know if you realize how difficult it is to have a relationship with a married person. My sister went with a married man for quite some time and he was always going to get a divorce, but there was one more step and then another. I saw her heart ache and the hope soar only to be let down again. I realize you had a lot of issues to deal with, but I feel you should also understand he was always the one waiting and with it taking that long, wondering if it would really happen and if he were just being used. My sister finally told him one day she could not do it anymore. He was livid and could not understand. I flew there to stay with her for a while because she was so very sad, but she had to get on with her life as it was tearing her apart. It took her a good 2 years to recoup from that relationship. Please do not feel I am blaming you, no one is to blame, I just want you to try to understand how difficult it is for the unmarried person to wait and not know and be in limbo and broken promises and being put off.
I hope you can find some peace within yourself and then find a good relationship that is fullfilling to you both. Good luck.

[MidnightBlue]

Yes, Yelo, I am learning to take responsibility for my mistakes and going to counseling. This is and will continue to be a huge learning experience as I heal, and one that I will be grateful for, a blessing in disguise.
Thanks Tal, definitely going to stay away from the guys for a long while.

[Wildcat21]

Midnight - I may be blunt, but - all I heard from your first posts was you blamming him.

I am glad you realize it's a two way street now.

I agree - fix yourself. Complete your divorce. In few months you will be I na better place.

[MidnightBlue]

Thank you K3, your response made me stop and think more of the ex-bf's side. But since he's been married and divorced 4 times I thought he would have more of an understanding in this area. And thanks WildCat, you are definitely blunt which does get one's attention. I'm assuming you're a guy right?

[talaniman]

Don't be bitter just give yourself a chance to be happier by getting better. Good luck.

[K_3]

Thank you K3, your response made me stop and think more of the ex-bf's side. But since he's been married and divorced 4 times I thought he would have more of an understanding in this area. And thanks WildCat, you are definitely blunt which does get one's attention. I'm assuming you're a guy right?

If he has been married and divorced 4 times, you had best thank your lucky stars he has found someone else. You deserve to get on with your life and not end up with another broken heart. You will be just fine, someone is looking out for you.

[MidnightBlue]

Sounds even more screwed up, I know. I guess when in love we feel we'll be the one that will last forever. Now I'm seeing his moving away was and is a blessing in disguise.