[blitzace]

There's this girl that I like and we been getting close. We hang out with mutual friends a lot and are very flirty and touchy around each other. So far we only been on 1 date alone and were very affectionate wit one another. However, she never seems to call me on the phone first. It really pisses me off, and also I called her and left a message to call me back and she didn't. Y is she doing this, I only call like a couple times a week which I don't feel is too clingy. Also we were flirty only just a couple of days ago so I don't think she lost interest in me that fast. Can any guys whose really familiar with girls actions give me some advice? Is there a rule to calling I'm not following? I was just thinking that I would no longer calls till she reaches out to me but I would love advice


Threads merged for the entire history

[tickle]

Don't call until she reaches out to you. That way you are testing the waters quite effectively. She could be just a player, after all.


Tick

[I wish]

You haven't even know her for a long time and she's so flirty. Imagine the guys that she knows even better.

Sounds like she just wants to have fun when it's convenient. Probably shouldn't take her too seriously.

[sa10323]

Well since you have already tried calling her and by that you are showing her that you are interested then you should just let her back to you. Don't call her again.. let her be the one to look for you now.

[CallMeBel]

Sometimes girls like something hard to get. She knows you are there, and that you like her.

Since you have tried to contact her already, there is no reason to keep trying. She knows that you have called. If she really wants to hang out with you, she will call.

[liz28]

How old are the two you because that can explain a lot?

[ZoeMarie]

You're right in wanting to wait until she calls you back. The ball is in her court now.

[blitzace]

I'm 21 and she's 22, she texted me actually, but I'm tired of putting in all the work so imma lay low, but I've been through this same situation with lots of girls in the past, is this some kind of female routine or something?

[sa10323]

How often have you called her since you went on the date?

[kp2171]

There is no "normal"

One girl I dated would push me against the wall to get what she wanted, when she wanted... the previous one always waited for me to ask her out.

So what are the options?

1) she is not in tune with your wants... meaning she doesn't see not calling back right away as an issue... meaning you are more into her than she is into you... or maybe she's into you but doesn't need constant attention... not that that's an issue... just means you are wanting more contanct than she's naturally willing to give

2) she is in tune with you, but is trying to maintain some control. I'm not a fan of mind games, but I don't think it's the worst thing to do to feel out a new person to see how hard they will chase you. She might want to see you, but also want to see how hard you will chase.

3) ah hell... I don't know... she might like the attention but not be ready to escalate the relationship. The chase is fun but when you get "caught" you need to deal with the expectations and consequences.

4) throw a frickin dart. Who knows?

All you know is this.

You are interested in her.

She seemed to be interested in you.

You've pursued her without being clingy (I think you've done the "right thing" in taking the initiative and seeing what she does) and she's mostly giving you the cold shoulder.

So... probably time to back way off and see what happens.

If she chases you down, you don't know if its all a game (she likes attention, but it doesn't matter from whom) or whether she is unsure.

So... back off. Time to make her chase you. If she isn't willing to do this, then you know where you stand. If you continue to chase her you choose to do so knowing that she might not reciprocate.

[blitzace]

I seen her a few times due to mutual friends but I always have to do the calling and initiating of everything, oh and I didn't mean to say she was 22 I meant 23 lol

[kp2171]

Well... that doesn't mean she isn't interested... it means you might have to do all the work.

And if that annoys you, fine.

Personally, I like to be chased as hard as I chase.

In reality, only one girl I've dated has ever pushed me as hard as I wanted.

So... again... you can sit back and see what she does. If you need the girl to pursue you some, fine. There's nothing wrong with that. She just might not be that girl.

If she isn't that girl, and you choose to chase her, you accept it. You don't get to choose to stay and complain.

I'm not saying what you are feeling is wrong... but a lot of times people complain about a partners actions, choose to stay, and still complain.

At some point, when you know how she's acting, you have a choice to not be a victim.

At this point... you don't know what's up.

Does she have a life and friends and is busy? Is that the worst thing? no.

Is she playing mind games? Don't know.

Is she driven by being chased but not willing to follow through? Don't know.

So...

She's old enough to have had some experience in relationships, and young enough to still be figuring out what she wants, what she needs, and what she's willing to do.

Give a little, and back off.

If she doesn't give back, she's likely just going to pi$$ you off... even if she doesn't mean to. You can like a girl who is not compatible. It happens. Sometimes more than once. Been there, done that.

[I wish]

Some girls really want the guy to do all the work. The sad part is when they lead the guy on. Like in blitzace's case. The girl has shown some interest in the beginning, but has since backed off.

Did she give him false hope?

Maybe she's not interested in you now (people can change their minds very abruptly), so she's ignoring you to not lead you on...

I suggest you try a few more times and if you still don't hear from you, you know you can move on.

[blitzace]

Surprisingly, she has been contacting me first since I gave up on it. I have also been avoiding her hang out spots on campus. However, now that she's calling me first, should I make her wait before I respond like she did me?

[kp2171]

I see nothing wrong with calling her as long as you keep your head about you.

Honestly, id rather date a woman who had a life, who had friends, who wasn't clingy or needy, and who expected me to do a little work.

In return, id expect her to chase a little, be honest, and be reasonably courteous. This includes reasonable responses to phone calls and messages. Don't know if she's deliberately making you wait, or if she's just busy with normal life.

Like I said before, I'm not a fan of mind games and elaborate schemes to manipulate, but really... there's no huge red flag here... you aren't talking about marriage, mortgages, and maternity wards.

You are interested in her. She seems interested in you. It can be that simple.

If you feel like you have to constant manage your feelings, alter your behavior, then maybe its not a great match... but really... I think its too soon to say you guys match or don't match or whatever...

You know that you've had to initiate contact for the most part and that bugged you a little... you know she's starting to show some interest back your way... that sounds like healthy quid pro quo.

Talk all you want about physical attributes... confidence is one of the sexiest things any person can have. So... be confident. Secure. Relaxed.

The joy of getting to know another person, whether it's a lover or a friend, is learning about that person bit by bit. The mystery of "who is this person" is a great ride. She isn't interested in you... she's interested in you and what you think and who you know and what you believe and how you smell and on and on and on...

So have a life. Find balance.

She's chasing you back a little. Sounds healthy to me. Doesn't mean she's right or wrong for you... but you continue to interest her. Maybe she just wants your attention. Maybe there's more.

When I'm on my deathbed, ill probably not be pi$$ed about all the dumb things I did. Ill be upset about the things I didn't do. The risks I didn't take.

Sure... I've done a lot of dumb things that I wish I could take back or undo.

But here... its not so complicated. You like her enough to try to keep things moving. She likes you enough to respond to your absence. Fine. Dance a little and see what happens.

[mandyforp]

Sometimes girls like something hard to get. She knows you are there, and that you like her.

Since you have tried to contact her already, there is no reason to keep trying. She knows that you have called. If she really wants to hang out with you, she will call.

I agree!

[blitzace]

Help! I'm losing it. This woman I have been dating is really making me lose my mind. At first I was calm, slowly waiting for her phone calls, and playing the attraction game well. However now I'm feeling like I'm losing it. I can no longer resist the urges to call her more, see her more and even am a little too straightforward about kissing her when I see her giving her no say in the matter. Please somebody give me advice, I can't stop thinking about her at all, and I really want to be with her but I think I'm beginning to hand her over myself control and pride as a man. I can't even act myself anymore. I been thinking of vanishing from her life for about a week so I won't seem clingy and try to focus on self. Give me advice and opinions

[Blushingbride]

There is a thing as loving someone too much and it's called obsession. Obsession can be a very dangerous thing. I think what you need to do instead of focusing that you HAVE to be with her or on the phone to her at all times take that love that you have and put it in front of you. Lose your obsession and focus on love otherwise you'll push her away. The best thing I can tell you if you're just as serious about each other take that love for her that you have and instead of calling her 24/7 take time to think about your future one day. Get a job if you don't have one and save up some money so maybe one day you can marry her and provide her a home. Trust me obsession is not good I've been there. Know what happened to him? I pushed him away so be careful. Friend to friend, learn to put more time into planning ahead then dwelling on here and now. You can still call and things but just limit it a little. You'll be more happy to hear her voice anyway if you've waited all night to hear from her.

[Brit01]

You should see a counselor. They're going to help you the best way possible. You'll be fine.

[xo-Niicole]

Why don't you go out with friends or something so that maybe she's not the only thing on your mind? :S
I agree with Brit01 though, I think you do need to see a counselor..