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none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I guess you haven't learned the sweet art of disappearing from someones life.

I thought you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum???

Which sticky are you talking about? I think I've read most of them

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 08:37 PM

Well if you know how others have handled it, what's stopping you from doing the same things??

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Well if you know how others have handled it, whats stopping you from doing the same things????

To be honest I don't really know what to do. I really want to be with her and work things out but I don't know if things will work that way. There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should I keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because I had one already. We still talk and she keeps changing her mind between me and him. When he talks to her than she wants him and when she talks to me she rethinks it but she is kind of cold to me. She keeps on saying she don't think things will work out and all of those stuff...

I really want things to work out but its really hard because of the long distance. She tells me she doesn't know if its worth the wait anymore and I'm really hurt by that... but I really do believe I truly love her and I'm not sure if that means fighting for her till the very end. I got to admit when I had NC I started to have dreams of other girls and it felt pretty good but that was before I went to see her this weekend for "closure" I said I wanted but it turned out I didn't stick to closure I keep coming back for more I really don't know why. What do you think I should do? T_T

kctiger · Mar 24, 2009, 06:06 AM

I would hope people value themselves enough to believe they don't need to fight for someone else. You are a multiple choice question right now, and I would be damned if I was ever a multiple choice question for someone. You have preached to others on this site yet you cannot take your own advice.

Don't be an option to someone! That is not how it works. Stand up, value yourself, and make yourself the priority.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2009, 09:27 AM

Do as we have suggested, and leave her alone, since she is giving another guy a chance.

Leave her alone, and disappear from her life, is the simple solution.

jmw0713 · Mar 24, 2009, 09:38 AM

There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should i keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because i had one already.

There is your answer staring you right in your face. She has made her choice. You are not helping your cause by staying in contact. She doesn't know what to do, because she is talking to both of you at the same time and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She will never make a decision with you still in the picture, so will continue to feed you BS until you make your own decision. Each time you contact her, your value in her eyes gets smaller and smaller.

You are the confusion in her life, and she is the confusion in yours. You need to end the confusion for both of you by disappearing!

She is dropping hints left and right about wanting to be with this other guy. If she wants to be with him, let her be with him and go pick-up another girl.

Time to disappear my friend and make your life how you want it with out her influence over your emotions and decisions.

none12345 · Mar 24, 2009, 10:11 AM

Okay. You guys are right. How do I disappear? Just drop off the face of the earth? Or tell her stuff like I want her to be happy even if its with someone else?

talaniman · Mar 24, 2009, 10:13 AM

Tell her nothing, just disappear. That's keeping it simple without the emotional drama.

none12345 · Mar 24, 2009, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Tell her nothing, just disappear. Thats keeping it simple without the emotional drama.

Okay thanks for the advice. Its exactly what I'm going to do. It sounds easier than it is to lose someone that means so much to you but I guess some times its better to let go.

jmw0713 · Mar 24, 2009, 01:49 PM

Yes, you are right. Sometimes its better to let go, not because it is easy, but because you have to do it for your own emotional well being.

heartbroke · Mar 24, 2009, 02:02 PM

Think of it this way, you didn't mean that much to her. So don't give her the satisfaction of knowing what's going on in your life. Usually the people who dump you want to keep in contact with you because they have guilt about hurting you. I had a dream the other day that my ex was still not giving me a chance, like my current situation. It was so vivid and so real that I woke up in tears wondering what happened. Then I realized it was only a dream and brushed it off. Weird how the mind works. And last night I had a few drinks and probably just missed her company . But I woke up this morning with the usual anger I have for her. So its an up and down thing for me. Im on my final attempt at NC, and don't have anything else to say to her but bad things about her that she already knows, so I don't need to and keep them to myself.

none12345 · Mar 24, 2009, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

Yes, you are right. Sometimes its better to let go, not because it is easy, but because you have to do it for your own emotional well being.

Yah. Maybe its time I do right now. She was my first love and first girlfriend and first kiss and everything I find it extremely hard but I believe it's the right thing to go into no contact for me to save myself from this hell. It just kills me to see her with another guy after so short we've broken up and all. I just felt like she loves me and if she does she ll know where to find me I guess...

none12345 · Mar 24, 2009, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

Think of it this way, you didnt mean that much to her. So dont give her the satisfaction of knowing whats going on in your life. Usually the people who dump you want to keep in contact with you because they have guilt about hurting you. I had a dream the other day that my ex was still not giving me a chance, like my current situation. It was so vivid and so real that I woke up in tears wondering what happened. Then i realized it was only a dream and brushed it off. Weird how the mind works. And last night i had a few drinks and probably just missed her company . But i woke up this morning with the usual anger i have for her. So its an up and down thing for me. Im on my final attempt at NC, and dont have anything else to say to her but bad things about her that she already knows, so i dont need to and keep them to myself.

Oh. Do you still love her and want to be with her a lot? How's nc coming for you? And yah I didn't mean much to her I just thought I did more enough to do something like this to me... I just want to be with her so bad but I don't know if it ll ever work anymore. I broke nc once already. Im starting it again and today is day 1. if they truly love us they will come back on their own right? Otherwise if they don't we can't wait for them life still goes on and its not pausing for us I guess.

heartbroke · Mar 24, 2009, 02:29 PM

You I still love her I almost proposed, but because of what she did, there's an internal fight inside of me, love and hate. I've broken nc 9 times, it caused me lots of pain, but I did it to myself. Seeing her selfishness contradicts my love for her. Ya I still want to be with her, but reality is she doesn't want me because of how she came up with her decision while she was depressed. She was depressed and people lose interest in everything... Even good things like me. In time she will realize what she had and I won't be anywhere in site for her.

none12345 · Mar 24, 2009, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

ya I still love her I almost proposed, but because of what she did, there's an internal fight inside of me, love and hate. I've broken nc 9 times, it caused me lots of pain, but I did it to myself. Seeing her selfishness contradicts my love for her. Ya I still want to be with her, but reality is she doesn't want me because of how she came up with her decision while she was depressed. She was depressed and people lose interest in everything... Even good things like me. In time she will realize what she had and I won't be anywhere in site for her.

Oh awww. That's the thing they don't come back until you don't want them back anymore... eventually for us they will realize that they lost the person that will love them the most and treat them the best but by that time we won't want them back anymore I think...

jmw0713 · Mar 25, 2009, 06:58 AM

You won't want them back because by that time you will have moved on to better things.

none12345 · Mar 26, 2009, 03:47 PM

Update~

Hey guys basically I'm almost ready to let this go now and move on but there is one more thing I have to do to prove something to me and her. I need to do one last thing and see if she is willing to consider after this or not and if not than I know there's no point in me trying anymore. Basically for now I have set a date for a month from now that I am going to do something big but I haven't told her what it was yet but I told her the date. When school is over and I have lots of time.

The plan is I am going to walk 200 miles to see her. Basically I how I see it is that after this she might reconsider than fine, but if not I knew I did all I could for her and tried my best and I know its not meant to be for sure and ill be ready to completely move on after this. If I do follow through with this, when I get there it might take a week or so ill know if its worth it or not to walk that far. But if I decide not to do this when the time gets near than I know she isn't worth it and ill have my answers either way.

Right now I need some space to think about the relationship so I'm in NC I guess or I haven't talked to her much. Im doing okay right now but it still hurts but yea that's how I see it right now. I really do believe this is the last thing I have to do for myself and for her and see if the relationship is worth keeping or not. What do you guys think? Just wanted to update you guys

heartbroke · Mar 26, 2009, 04:10 PM

I say don't do it. You don't need to prove anything to her

talaniman · Mar 26, 2009, 04:19 PM

You knuckle head, let go now, save the shoe abuse, and set that deadline for getting to the next level with yourself. I think that's a much more positive productive plan. Sorry guy, but your frustrating to say the least, and stubborn as a goat.

Just think of the great things you'll learn about yourself, when you can make good decisions for yourself, instead of useless ultimatums, and unreasonable deadlines.

none12345 · Mar 26, 2009, 04:25 PM

I know I am so stupid and stubborn... but I really do love her and want to be with her. I feel like I would do anything to be with her pretty much. Is it really worth it? I don't really know. I'm very confused right now but I do know I want to be with her. I know I should let go of it. If I can? That's a different question. I know I deserve so much better than this but what if I don't find that? Ill just end up regretting. Sigh... I don't know anymore