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omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 05:45 AM

Hey guys, I need some advice. I have been taking a girl out to see a movie, out to a fancy restaurant, and etc; this has been ongoing for several months. Granted, she already has a boyfriend but it's not going well as expected and they're having hard time with each other for various of reasons.

I mean, if she has a boyfriend and in a relationship then she would have rejected my offer to take her out (restaurant, movies, and etc) in the first place.

What do you think guys?

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by omegaflare

What do you think guys?

I think she is using you as another person to treat her to movies and dinner. You need to back away NOW. If someone is involved with another person, then you need to be the bigger man and let her live her life with him. IF they break up, then yes, she is available, but right now, she isn't even AVAILABLE. You have the responsibilities of a boyfriend without any benefits. No good!

And, if she does this to her current boyfriend, what makes you think she wouldn't do this to you?

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 05:54 AM

She is using you, you're treating her to the finer things which she won't object but you won't be getting what you want out of this.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 06:10 AM

Interesting, thank you for your input.

I personally don't think she's using me but I do know several things about her:

1. I do know for fact that she's broke and doesn't have a job, and a college student that s a lot of money on her college tuition; I am just trying to help her out, even her boyfriend couldn't afford the luxury to take her out to a fancy restaurant or anything. Granted, she may be using me but she constantly thanked me and shows a lot of appreciation.

2. She told me that her boyfriend doesn't know I am taking her out , etc.

A friend of mine told me to watch for signs if she's taking advantage of me or not:

1. She constantly asked me for money , etc...

- This never happened, I asked her out, she didn't.

I am sure there are more signs but this is the primary sign that my friends told me.

Any further input would be appreciated - constructive input please. Thanks!

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 06:19 AM

She has a boyfriend, plain and simple. Her current boyfriend cannot afford to treat her like you can... if she really liked you that much, wouldn't you be her boyfriend?

She is getting the sweeter end of this deal, trust me. And YES, she is taking advantage of you, but having you treat her to fine dining, while she is STILL in another relationship.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 06:29 AM

Thanks, I appreciated it. I know don't if this is the sole truth, maybe there's another reason behind it - I am not denying it.

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:30 AM

I'm surprised at how many people are in the same situation. Your situation is the same reason I joined this forum.

There's no clear answer. I got the usual advice.

1) If you can't see her as a friend only, then back off because she has a boyfriend.

2) She's having problems with her boyfriend, so she's just using you as a get-away. Since you're so nice to her, she mine as well take advantage while she can.

3) She just sees you as a good friend. Just cause she's nice to you doesn't mean she likes you.

If you just see her as a regular friend just a regular friend, then be just that. But if you like her, you've got to decide. Do you want to continue what you have right now? She's doing things behind her boyfriend's back, is that the type of girl you want to be associated with? Who knows what she does behind your back. You're setting yourself up to be really hurt.

So... if you really like this girl, try one of these two choices.

1) Just be a regular friend and wait until she breaks up with her boyfriend before considering anything.

2) The riskier move (might be seen as a girlfriend stealer), tell her how you feel (but don't tell her you want her to break up, just that you like her), when you are ready... then back off and let her make the next move.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 06:30 AM

And another question I had in my mind: is she doing this to bolster her relationship with her boyfriend, possibility? Stupid question, just wondering if this is the case. I doubt it though.. never hurt to ask.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

I'm surprised at how many people are in the same situation. Your situation is the same reason I joined this forum.

There's no clear answer. I got the usual advice.

1) If you can't see her as a friend only, then back off because she has a boyfriend.

2) She's having problems with her boyfriend, so she's just using you as a get-away. Since you're so nice to her, she mine as well take advantage while she can.

3) She just sees you as a good friend. Just cause she's nice to you doesn't mean she likes you.

If you just see her as a regular friend just a regular friend, then be just that. But if you like her, you've got to decide. Do you want to continue what you have right now? She's doing things behind her boyfriend's back, is that the type of girl you want to be associated with? Who knows what she does behind your back. You're setting yourself up to be really hurt.

So... if you really like this girl, try one of these two choices.

1) Just be a regular friend and wait until she breaks up with her boyfriend before considering anything.

2) The riskier move (might be seen as a girlfriend stealer), tell her how you feel (but don't tell her you want her to break up, just that you like her), when you are ready... then back off and let her make the next move.

Thanks... I appreciated it.

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by omegaflare

Thanks... I appreciated it.

No prob. Let us know how it goes.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 06:43 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

No prob. Let us know how it goes.

Yeah, when she's out with me this week, should I ask her:

"Hey, I know we spend time together quite often and I know you're having some problems.. (should I omit this?) but feel free to come over and discuss with me if you're having problems. I really like you and I will always be here for you."

Which part I should leave out? I just need to know her response.

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:44 AM

By the way, here's the link to my problem:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-319894.html

Some people gave some harsh but true type of advice. Maybe it will help you as well.

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 06:46 AM

Yes Omega, stay stuck in the friends zone :cool:... you will get some good and some awkward advice on here, but you need to quit getting played like a fiddle. What you are doing is wrong, and you are enabling HER to cheat on her boyfriend. Stay classy!

Seriously?? Why would you do this? How would you feel if you were dating a girl who did this to you?

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:47 AM

Originally Posted by omegaflare

Yeah, when she's out with me this week, should I ask her:

"Hey, I know we spend time together quite often and I know you're having some problems.. (should I omit this?) but feel free to come over and discuss with me if you're having problems. I really like you and I will always be here for you."

Which part I should leave out? I just need to know her response.

Keep it much simpler. Don't explain so much. Just say: "I know that this might be hard for you to hear, but I really like you a lot."

Then you will either get her answer on whether she likes you back or she will say, "I don't know what to say." In which case, tell her, "you don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know." And then you back off and don't communicate with her until she finds you first.

omegaflare · Mar 23, 2009, 07:02 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

By the way, here's the link to my problem:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-319894.html

Some people gave some harsh but true type of advice. Maybe it will help you as well.

Your situation is a bit different than mine.. but identical in some way. I will keep you guys posted at the end of the week. I will be straight to her about it.