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Ronda919 · Mar 16, 2009, 03:51 PM

Hi, I'm 29 years old no children. My boyfriend has two, ages 6 and 9. We go out a lot, I really enjoy spending time with them. The problem is his ex. She cheated on him and is now with the guy she cheated with, but I think she is still trying to control him. She uses his kids against him to try to make him feel bad, he never missed an entire weekend with them, and is an excellent father. But, if we have plans, all of a sudden she needs a babysitter to go to work, O, my favorite if he can't get them on Saturday because were going out, he's every name in the book and is putting that bleep, bleep (me) first before his children. I just found out this weekend they still share a checking account together, which I don't like. I really love him I just don't know if I can deal with the extra baggage.

Survivor07 · Mar 16, 2009, 06:48 PM

Hello Ronda, you said "ex" meaning they are divorced?

If it's happening a lot, her wanting him to be with the kids when he has plans with you, then it sounds like she can't stand the thought of him being happy with someone else.

You know, I don't want him, but you can't have him either.

The shared checking account is strange. They do not sound very "detached".

How long have you been with him?

chuff · Mar 16, 2009, 08:27 PM

Ronda,

They are his kids and this is his problem. Stay out.

Ronda919 · Mar 16, 2009, 09:23 PM

We have been together for a little over a year. 1yr 1month

none12345 · Mar 16, 2009, 11:26 PM

Try talking to him about how you feel about all of this but make sure you use the right words so it doesn't come off that you're not cool with him being with his children. And as for the shared account ask him about it? Find out some answers and tell him how you feel she is using the kids to control him. Good luck

talaniman · Mar 17, 2009, 09:30 AM

Stay out of his business. Every parent makes sacrifices for their kids, so must he. Your options are to go along with his program, or leave him be.

If she is truly controlling, the last thing he needs is a G/f who doesn't have empathy, and tries to control him too.

Support him, or let him go.

Survivor07 · Mar 17, 2009, 02:17 PM

Well, after a year, I'd say things aren't going to change much.

This is the way it is. The "baggage" isn't going to go away. Kids come first, as they should.

You just need to decide if you are happy with the way things are.

I'd stay away from conversations about his finances, unless you are planning to share an account with him, too.

Ronda919 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:15 PM

Yeah, that's true. I don't plan on sharing an account with him anytime soon. I guess I just feel like they should not be sharing one either.

Survivor07 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:41 PM

I agree with you there. I certainly wouldn't be sharing an account with my ex! LOL Your boyfriend must have his reasons.

Are they divorced?

I understand the feeling of being "left out" because I did have a relationship with a man who was "almost divorced". She used their child, too, which is extremely sad for the child.

Accept what you can and see if you can live happily with it.

Ronda919 · Mar 17, 2009, 11:37 PM

They actually were never married, but, they had been together since high school. When I divorced my ex-husband, I severed all ties, I know its not that simple with him of course, because of the children but, whewwww, I just don't know what to do.

KatiePlce · Mar 17, 2009, 11:43 PM

Try putting yourself in HIS position.