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alexa0707 · Mar 11, 2009, 11:53 AM

I've been with a lot of men. Not sexually a lot but dating wise a lot of men. I've been dating since I was 13 years old. I wanted my last relationship to be my last. Everything was perfect. He was good to me and I was good to him. We were happy. Then I found out he slept with his ex. Although he will not admit he was there at 2 in the morning and that's all I needed to see. I even tried to understand his explanations after I saw this and then I caught him there again at 5 in the morning. Before I told him I asked him if he had been there to see if he'd tell the truth but he didn't. He lied. Now even after this I crave him. I don't want to date anyone else. This relationship is the right one.

Can a cheater and liar change, how so? I want him back.

Justwantfair · Mar 11, 2009, 12:07 PM

This cheater and liar will not change. For confusions sake, these should all be added together as your question requires the background information.

You are hurting, you need time to heal.

Like I have said before he really IS NOT sorry for cheating, he is sorry that you caught him cheating.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by alexa0707

This relationship is the right one.

Can a cheater and liar change, how so? I want him back.

Besides the obvious (him being a cheater and a liar), what else makes you think this relationships is the right one??

alexa0707 · Mar 11, 2009, 12:38 PM

There's no way for him to change? He seems like he really wants to.

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 12:39 PM

What has giving you the impression he wants to change? To me, it seems like you are selling yourself short, and just begging to be hurt again. Ditch this guy!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 11, 2009, 12:40 PM

There is no relationship here. Sorry. It is hard to face up to this but its over and you need to let go. Whether you feel that you never want to date anybody else, you will eventually.

artlady · Mar 11, 2009, 12:47 PM

I am aware of the past here and what he did to you through your previous thread.
Its never easy to let go and move on to something better but you deserve better.
If not for the phone call from the ex ,you would still be in the dark ,thinking you had a great thing going on.

He was such a good cheater and a liar that you were clueless. You said you had a great relationship and he had never given you reason to doubt.That was then ,this is now.He has given you every reason to doubt.

Can a cheater and liar change, how so? I want him back.

He didn't just cheat with some random girl,he cheated with his ex. his baby's mother.That is a red flag,they are not done with each other yet.

So he has said he is sorry and you want to believe that is true but it sounds more like what the baby's mama said *he is using you for money*.He is sorry because he sees dollar bills floating out the window.

Anyone can reform but the question is will they?

As an aside, if what the ex said is true and they are trying to have another baby,then they were having unprotected sex.I would get tested for an S.T.D. A.S.A.P.
There is no telling what her history is.

liz28 · Mar 11, 2009, 12:57 PM

From your other thread you seem to have a strong stance on not wanting him back and moving forward with your life.

Do you really think that he changed in a matter of weeks and that he will not stop his relationship with his baby mother? No, it will continue until you catch him again in the lie and the drama will resume. You couldn't want that. He cheated on you over and over because this is his behavior.

pinkberry8 · Mar 11, 2009, 01:20 PM

Why are you willing to settle for a cheater? I think once they cheat, the next time will be even easier for them to do it. You should move on. If he really loved you, he would never cheat or lie.

Ren6 · Mar 11, 2009, 03:38 PM

Please don't waste any more of your time with this guy. No, he won't change, He's still with his "ex". He's divulged details about your intimate life to her. He's trying to have a baby with her. He lied to you and continues to lie about being at her house, despite the fact that you saw his car there. What about any of these behaviors makes you think this is a great guy? If you don't leave him now, you will regret it.

Notradomas mike · Mar 11, 2009, 09:03 PM

There's no point in wasting your time on a guy who apparentaly doesn't care for you.

rawr_itssonya · Mar 12, 2009, 01:56 AM

Originally Posted by alexa0707

Can a cheater and liar change, how so? I want him back.

NO they can't. Its very simpe, but at the same time a very hard concept to grasp, but if someone cheats on you repeatidly(or even just once) it's my advice that you withdraw your emotional investment to this person immediately. By cheating, this person is saying, "at the time, i wasn't thinking of you, didn't want you, decided someone else was more attractive than you, and i pursued my intuitions of being with this person instead of you..even if it was temporary it was worth my time and efforts". I hate to be so blunt, but I put up with my ex for 3 months after the discovery of his cheating, and believe me it was not worth it because until I finally broke it off he continued to cheat. Find someone you can appreciate you, and the relationship you have both established, enough to only want to be with you as you only want to be with him.

p.s.- don't worry, there IS someone out there better than this guy, I promise ;)

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 08:53 AM

You have to realize what he did to you and look at his behavior pattern when the two of you was together.

Not only did he cheat but lied as well and continue to do so even when he was faced with the truth. So if you let him back in your life your accepting his cheating and lying ways and allowing yourself to be open towards more pain from in the future.

Everyone has options but don't let him be yours. Throughout your entire relationship with him he did nothing but make a fool out of you, this isn't nor was it love.

Think long and hard before you decide to take him back because you can do bad by yourself. You don't need nobody for that.

alexa0707 · Mar 12, 2009, 12:45 PM

Well I'm not sure if what he did really classifys as cheating. Please see my thread I started titled "During a relationship break can u sleep around?" If still want to try to help me sort my mind (which is racing with confusion)

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 12:57 PM

You just started that new thread and now your changing up the story from this thread and your other thread so what's up with that? If your new thread is really the case why didn't you just write that at first? I am starting think now that your stories are a little fishy.

alexa0707 · Mar 12, 2009, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

You just started that new thread and now your changing up the story from this thread and your other thread so what's up with that? If your new thread is really the case why didn't you just write that at first? I am starting think now that your stories are a little fishy.

I didn't change anything about the story at all.

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 02:13 PM

In your first post,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ot-325855.html, which was posted a few days ago you never stated that the two of you was on a break. If this was the case than you shouldn't be driving by his baby mama house to caught him in a lie.

Then you started this thread.

Now in your new thread,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...nd-328372.html, you state the two of you was on a break when he cheated.

So my question to you is "which one is it?"

Now here is another one your newer thread https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...sm-327880.html

artlady · Mar 12, 2009, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

In your first post,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ot-325855.html, which was posted a few days ago you never stated that the two of you was on a break. If this was the case than you shouldn't be driving by his baby mama house to caught him in a lie.

Then you started this thread.

Now in your new thread,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...nd-328372.html, you state the two of you was on a break when he cheated.

So my question to you is "which one is it?"

Now here is another one your newer thread https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...sm-327880.html

Had to spread the rep Liz but clearly OP is looking for one answer only and that is :forgive and forget.I'm not wasting any time on this as it is an exercise in futility.