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valinors_sorrow · Aug 29, 2006, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by kadd0007

Well thanks a lot guys i did need that!!!

I just want sunday to come and go so i could say it will be the last time i see her!!!!

I am sure seeing her will set me back another step for a little while but its worth letting her know that i am doing ok without her!!!

You are actually probably a whole lot finer than you think... so don't predict what Sunday will be, don't limit your potential for growth like that-- it may set you back and it may not! Do like they're saying here, plan in advance to say hi or nod even and then redirect your interest elsewhere, which is a social skill that is good to have or sharpen. Easy peasey! :p

kadd0007 · Aug 29, 2006, 10:38 AM

honestly guys I don't know what I would do without all of you lol!!

Thank you so much, my day is already looking up =) I will take all of your advice to heart and I will have a post for all of you Monday morning to inform you of what happened.

Hope all goes well, wish me luck guys, thanks again!

Wildcat21 · Aug 29, 2006, 10:42 AM

If you do go back to someone after a break... things HAVE to be different - they have to be.

YOU CAN'T go back to what you had - you need to change the balance, communication has to be a lot better, maybe some rules, space, be busy, TAKE IT SLOW!!

Did I say take it slow?? TAKE IT SLOW!!

Communication is king!!

Wildcat21 · Aug 29, 2006, 10:44 AM

Genrally though you should never get back in a relationship IF there was:

Cheating

Abuse - verbal or physical

Lying

Excessive alcohol or drugs

Large amounts of manipulatyion or control

kadd0007 · Aug 29, 2006, 11:15 AM

I am absolutely not planning on going back!! Not when it involves cheating

NEVER!

Wildcat21 · Aug 29, 2006, 12:17 PM

You should run and be happy if you had any of those things happen - RUN!! Be happy it's over and that there are GREAT women out there!

Skell · Aug 29, 2006, 04:37 PM

You'll be fine. You're a MAN. Act like a the man you are and keep moving forward.
I know its hard! Very hard but keep posting here. It does get better.

And really, knowing whether she misses you doesn't help a thing.

I know this. I find out things about what my ex says all the time, but it doesn't help one little bit whether it is good things said or bad. It doesn't help.

talaniman · Aug 30, 2006, 05:30 AM

What difference can it make? If your working on you what she thinks doesn't matter so forget that line of thinking.

kadd0007 · Aug 30, 2006, 06:42 AM

Well I am sorry to bug everyone again but today I got more bad news =(

I got this call from an old friend I haven't talked too in a long time, and he asked me right from the start " are you still with your GF ? " so I naturally said NO why?

So he tells me that for the past couple of month he has been seeing a guy coming out of her place early in the morning and its not you!!

So again another confermation to how bad and how far this girl has wronged me... Again sorry to bug you guys but really needed to vent, I just don't want to hear about her anymore!! :mad:

Krs · Aug 30, 2006, 07:22 AM

You got all the confirmation you need that she is a cheat.
She should definitley be in your bad books now!

Oh and remember - what goes around comes around ;)

kp2171 · Aug 30, 2006, 07:38 AM

Yeah.

The problem is when someone breaks up with you, they usually have been thinking about it for some time. They've had time to process it, rationalize, justify, and begin the moving on stages before you even know what's going to hit you.

Oh well. This at least obliterates the "what ifs" as in what if she changed her mind, etc. done, sealed, over.

kadd0007 · Aug 30, 2006, 07:47 AM

lol I guess... its like you said this seals the deal!!

God what's wrong with you women lol?? Just kidding, I am sure there are still some good ones out there =)

Krs · Aug 30, 2006, 07:56 AM

Hey hey... don't give us women grief :p we are not all the same!
Im totally faithful to my man.. and vice-versa...
There are bad kinds of both sexes!

valinors_sorrow · Aug 30, 2006, 08:15 AM

So can I take it you are no longer interested in how often she thinks of you?

kadd0007 · Aug 30, 2006, 08:22 AM

Well you know I came to ralise now that no matter is she misses me like hell or not miss me at all, it does not make a difference.

The reason why I am still dwelling over this is because regrdless that she is a cheat there is a stupid little small place in my heart that still wants her which in order still gives me hope.

What I need to do is cut hope at all cost and realsie that no matter what whether she comes running back or not promising to change IT WILL NOT WORK, the cheating part will be in the back of my mind for the rest of our days and I don't want to live with that!!

valinors_sorrow · Aug 30, 2006, 08:27 AM

You don't want her back, you want what you had (or thought you had) back and that is understandable Kadd. Hope doesn't have your ex's name on it. Hope belongs in the future, dude, in the future with some really nice girl you just haven't met yet, okay?

momincali · Aug 30, 2006, 08:28 AM

I hope you're true to yourself and don't turn to mush the first time she tries to come back and turns on the waterworks! Manipulative women are famous for that crap!

Oh, and also, let your friends know before hand, that you have no interest in going back with her, seeing her, talking about or to her so they need not tell you anything that has to do with her.

Get busy, and stay busy with something constructive.

s_cianci · Aug 30, 2006, 08:49 AM

Stop worrying about what she's doing and who she's with! Those things are her problem and the guy's she's with problem, not yours! Feel sorry for the poor sap who's now tolerating all the crap she once dished out to you! Live your life as though she no longer exists. WIped off the face of the earth, period. She's a complete stranger to you. You don't know her name or anything about her! If someone else brings up the subject, make like you don't even know her by responding with something like "[Mary] who?" After they respond in a "you've got to be joking" manner, hesitate for a bit, then reply with something like "Oh yeah, her. Now I remember. But hell, it's been such a long time!" Despite the obvious sarcastic overtures, they'll get the message easily enough. That's what you need to convey to yourself and everyone else. Fake it at first if you have to. However, if you diligently adhere to this philosophy you won't be faking it for too long. Pretty soon it'll be genuine.

Wildcat21 · Aug 30, 2006, 09:28 AM

FIRST - this gal is REALLY BAD NEWS... I have a few choice words for her type... but won't use them.

This was a great learning experience, but you NEVER want this women back... you can't ever trust her, SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU, She took you for granted.

My old saying WILL always rings true - 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.

See people who cheat have a massive screw loose - they think it's OK to do it and justify it in their minds. They ARE VERY SELFISH people WHO HAVE BEEN HURT ONE TOO MANY TIMES BY LOVED ONES.

Let me guess - her parents were divorced - one of the parents cheated?? And/or she had a previous boyfriend cheat on her.

Run from her!! Run like the wind!! Run to a better place. Never look back!! Rearview mirror - see things so much clearer!! Chalk it up to great experience and move on!

s_cianci - I'd rate you again - but I can't. Great stuff.

kadd0007 · Aug 30, 2006, 10:41 AM

Well her parents are divorced and WOW it was an ugly one where they used the kids to get back at each other!!

So get this guys I may have figured out her problem. I currently work for the government my salary ranges around the $50,000 a year, now she makes quite more than that.

The reason why I am bringing this up is because one of her friend had told me that she thinks that might be a problem!!

I mean GOD I am not poor yeah I don't make as much but hey... LOL This is great the more I learn about her the more this is getting easier what a nut job!!