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Flavor_2000 · Mar 8, 2009, 11:44 PM

Not sure how to act, I have rencently separated from my boyfriend. I am very upset with him and decided no contact. Every time we breakup I go running back out of stupidity, falling for false words and hope. It seems he is only calls and verbally tells me he misses me and loves me when he has had drinks. I become extremely upset because he can never say things when he is sober. It seemed to me from the conversation that he was mocking the fact that I. Love him. He said, "tell me you love me. " In an almost condesending tone. I asked why he is so lovey dovey when drunk of course I got no answer, not sure what my reaction should have been I feel as though he enjoys hurting me and twisting the knife of love deeper into my heart? He knows I love him and I think he uses that against me, help someone!! What to do

Texasmama · Mar 9, 2009, 12:05 AM

i have to say to "unouwanit," RUN!! if you do stay, please, please get help. in a utopian world, he'd get help also, and maybe some meds. but it will be costly, both monetarily and emotionally, unless you have a good county hospital. you can only control what YOU do and how YOU react to others, and perhaps lead by example. Good luck and may you both find peace.

Romefalls19 · Mar 9, 2009, 05:33 AM

Listen to the song "Last Call" it's a country song but it's about a guy only calling this girl when he is drunk and needs something.

kctiger · Mar 9, 2009, 09:35 AM

"Last Call" (Click Me)

Like Rome said, listen to this song... it is perfect for your situation... perhaps, you guys have had your "Last Call"

:cool:

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 9, 2009, 10:09 AM

The only time he expresses his love is when he is drunk? You don't need to take this,
You said you go back out of stupidity, well stop. If you know something is no good for you, then leave it alone!

Change your number, the less you hear from your ex the better. The more you talk to him the less chance you have of moving on.

anthony1222 · Mar 9, 2009, 02:32 PM

Ending a relationship especially when you're in love with the person is probably the hardest thing most of us will have to do because it SEEMS as though were both hurting, and getting hurt. Usually I'd say try and work it out but in this situation, its not healthy for you to be in this relationship. For your own sake and sanity end it now before it gets worse, no matter how hard it is. I know it won't be easy but you'll only hurt worse if you keep up this charade. And Don't go back. Once its cut, leave it, don't go back. NC for a while, do NOT rebound but try and go out a little bit with friends and people you know care about you. You deserve to be happy and I know you can find it if you're just patient...
Hope that helps and remember, you always have people that you can turn to for help to get you through this.

friend4u178 · Mar 9, 2009, 08:16 PM

If you stayed No Contact this wouldn't happen , stop allowing yourself to listen to his drunken BS.

neverme · Mar 9, 2009, 08:32 PM

I agree with everyone that has posted.

Stay away this guy is emotionally abusing you.

He doesn't care. Your being really into the relationship cannot make up for this, it never will.. and you'll just keep going around and around in circles.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2009, 11:16 AM

It seems he is only calls and verbally tells me he misses me and loves me when he has had drinks. I become extremely upset because he can never say things when he is sober.

You know he is a drunk, why even listen to him. Cut him from your life, and move on, by sticking to a strict diet of absolutely NO CONTACT!!!!

Otherwise your doing yourself a great deal of misery and pain.

michele1983 · Mar 10, 2009, 11:23 AM

I don't think that I know enough about the situation to conclude that "he doesn't care" but what he is doing is WRONG and I'm sure he wouldn't do it if he was sober.

Just don't answer his calls anymore. You are in a way, putting him in a place of power (regardless if he is aiming to hurt you or is just seeking validation that you still love him) by answering and letting him verbally walk over you.

Call him back when he's sober and address the issue. I personally would. I bet he's embarrassed and maybe he will stop. Talk with authority and state you won't answer anymore and if he has ANYTHING of VALUE to say, do it without the drink.

All that of course if he deserves it. Again, I don't want to be rash and think all of it is out of hate. I simply find that hard to believe. I think its more out of selfishness to hear that he is still adored because maybe he doesn't believe it now that he's single.

Flavor_2000 · Mar 11, 2009, 11:10 PM

5 Threads merged for the whole story

My ex has tried contacting me on several occasions, however I swore no contact. I have found it hard but I am being strong and have done well. My cell phone is a bit messed up when it rings it doesn't show who's calling. I figured that when it rang at 12 in the afternoon it would be work but I was wrong. It was my ex and he asked why I hadn't been answering his call I began to tell him why but he cut me off and didn't let me finish. I was a bit frustrated because when we ended the call he says, "give me a call later or something or I'll call you, whatever.". I didn't say anything but bye and okay, I never called but he called me when I was in the shower so I called back out of being nice but he in turn didn't answer. I feel he is playing games and that he is only messing with me. In this relationship I was always the one that cared more. So I want to text and tell him how I feel but not sure if I should because I don't want to give him the upper had or the right to gloat which he is known to do. I don't know what to do? Should I text him or shouldn't real confused!! I want to express my anger about the games he plays but would that just show him, that he got under my skin?

Clough · Mar 11, 2009, 11:36 PM

Hi, Flavor_2000!

Has he also agreed that there is to be no contact?

Thanks!

talaniman · Mar 12, 2009, 05:45 AM

Wow what a story. Either s**t or get off the pot, as you need to tell him to leave you alone, or play his games.

You have ignored all the suggestions you have been given, but continue to complain about this guy, so figure out if your going to go or stay, and stick to it, and no more excuses.

He ain't going to change!!

HistorianChick · Mar 12, 2009, 06:03 AM

I'm going to quote your original post - and give you the reason why you should not even CONSIDER this man EVER again.

We see this a lot around here and have the SAME answer...

I of course was crying and asked him to calm down but he took it one step further by grabbing my neck and pushed me down to the floor with forceful anger.

NO man has ANY right to EVER hit a woman. Period.

Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. He has not exhibited true remorse for his action (grabbing you by the neck and forcing you down), therefore, he is not apologetic, nor does he even WANT to try and change.

All the other "stuff" is water under the bridge... or the proverbial nails in this relationship coffin.

He grabbed you by the neck and forced you down. He abused you physically and emotionally.

No. Do not contact him. Do not text him. Change your phone number.

This man is dangerous.

Romefalls19 · Mar 12, 2009, 06:08 AM

Hitting a woman is not something a man does, that simple.

Leave him alone unless you want to end up in the ground, which is what will happen. He doesn't care or want to change, that should be reason enough to just leave.

Ren6 · Mar 12, 2009, 06:31 AM

The answer here is simple. Don't text him, call him, or take his calls. Each time you engage with him, you keep this stupid little dance going. He's abusive and controlling. You will never, ever figure him out. Just stay away from him. Once you get some time and space away from him, you will begin to gain some perspective and recognize the insanity of the whole thing.

Flavor_2000 · Apr 5, 2009, 12:54 AM

Threads merged yet again!!!

So from the last post I have been and still no contact with my ex. I'm proud of saying that I have been real strong about the whole breakup. What I never mentioned in the last post is that I share a child with him, but can explain as to why I never mentioned him in my last few questions. You see I spent my pregnancy alone and always crying. My ex would say that the baby wasn't his and that he wasn't the father. This of course was never the case but he would say it a lot to the point of bringing me to tears. So, through all the problems we have, he would go weeks even months without calling to ask about my son this goes especially for when he was not with me or even angry with me. So this final break up had me pretty sure that I would no longer speak to him, which I hadn't but he has called twice already but drunk. He left me voicemails saying he was only calling to ask about my son which is so messed up because both times he has been drunk. The last time he called I sent him a text saying "to leave my son alone that he was and has never been there for him so he was not his son." Out of anger for cheating on me while I took care of my son and for never calling to ask for him caused me to say this. He called and left a message saying that he knew the baby wasn't his and that that was all he wanted to hear. I feel that by me saying that my baby is not his son was a mistake and I feel bad, was I wrong to say this? My ex has done nothing for my son during pregnancy or after so I'm unsure about how I should feel. I basically just wanted him to stop calling and using my son as an excuse to call me, a father should not call to ask for his children when he is drunk if he truly cares, right?