[lsutigerdude]

Hi all glad I found this forum as it contains a wealth of useful knowledge but I need others opinions about a situation I have. I am 20 in college and have never really had a serious relationship. In the past year or so I started talking with some girls at different times and have been very close to BF/GF status with 3 of them. But for some reason after about a week or 2 of serious talking and going out with them I do something that inherently leads to them never wanting to talk to me again. Well the most recent was about 2 days ago when I did something that ruined any potential relationship with her. I got incredibly drunk and said some things that made her very uncomfortable. I don't know what I said but I don't remember but after that somehow I ended up in her apt and ended up locking her out for some reason. I think I thought they were already there and I had been staying at her apt for the last week or so so I guess it was out of habit but I have no idea why I went there. Well they ended up being locked out and the door had to be forced open. I didn't remember any of this and had to be told the next morning about what happened. I treid to call her later that day to which she didn't answer so I left a voicemail saying that I didn't remember what happened and that I was really sorry and normally don't make an *** of myself when I'm drunk and that I felt like giant sack of crap about what I did. Still haven't gotten any forms of communication from her.

Any help would be appreciated because I really like this girl but I know she will probably not forgive me.


Thanks

[valinors_sorrow]

Lsutigerdude, is there a pattern to these turn-the-girl off events? Are they always something that you've done while drinking? Its important to know this information -- I wouldn't be acting so nosey otherwise. I see something of a red flag in what you said in your post but I don't like to leap to conclusions.

[lsutigerdude]

No its not because I drink in fact the other two girls while I was talking to them I didn't drink at all. I don't drink that much.

[kp2171]

As far as the other relationships go, you don't really say what goes wrong... the best relationships have a basis of a friendship, plus that extra charge or attraction that makes you want to pursue more. Being overly needy or clingy is bad. You can be available and interested without being attached at the hip. Most women, young or older, are interested in a guy who is genuine and himself, not a butler. And when you are younger I think the excitement factor is more prevalent... as in the girls I dated in school wanted to experience new things, new people. If you are a sit a home don't know what to do kind of guy, well it might be hard to interest someone for long. Most girls I dated liked me because I made them laugh, they were attracted to me, and the relationship interested them and excited them. The relationships usually ended when one of those things were no longer happening. One girl I think I bored out of laziness... I just didn't get it that she wanted me to drive the relationship more. One girl stopped dating me because the laughing was less after a while and we found more conflict than common ground.

You can be nice to her and at the same time not at beck and call. But again, until you describe the other things that seem to go wrong its hard to say.

As for this girl. All you can do is sincerely apologize. You want to give some flowers and a note? She probably deserves it, not to mention restitution if she had to pay to have the door fixed. Maybe you blew it for good. Maybe not. A persons true character shows in time and in action. If you want to salvage this relationship id simply apologize sincerely and back off a little. You cannot force her to forget the moment and she deserves some time to process it.

In the meantime, don't seriously fret about relationships. We go through some that fizzle and that's that. The best thing you can do is be your own person. People who are really attracted to you will be interested. Unfortunately, it can sometimes take more time than we are willing to wait for a good relationship to come along.

[valinors_sorrow]

no its not because I drink in fact the other two girls while I was talking to them I didn;t drink at all. I don't drink that much.

Good-- that is a relief to hear. Drinking to the point of black outs (where you are conscious but have no memory) is something that can be a red flag to alcoholism developing down the road.

You may also be self sabotaging out of some subsconscious fear. Its not that uncommon and it doesn't make you nots, okay? People do this in relationships, in jobs, in all sorts of things. You may need to have a really really frank, dig deep conversation with yourself and talk yourself into some different course of action with the next girl. Then discipline yourself when you see the urge rear its ugly head. I know one person here talking about this very same thing on another thread, but I can't recall who at the moment. If we can hook the two of you up, you might help each other out!

Ah, here is that thread... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post154835

[lsutigerdude]

Well I saw her walking today and I told her that I was really sorry. She said that I shouldn't be worried about it and that she isn't mad but it sounded like one of those times when they say they aren't mad but they really are. I want to call her again and see if it is all right if I go and hang out at her place,since she said she isn't mad, and it wouldn't be just us 2 she has 3 roommates so I guess that kind of decreases the awkwardness, but I think I should just wait a little while longer before I go up there.

[valinors_sorrow]

Seems to me she had ample opportunity to invite you back to her place if that's what she wanted too.

[s_cianci]

No, she probably won't forgive you and frankly I don't blame her. Right now I'd work on the drinking problem before worrying about any relationships. Nothing kills relationships like alcohol use when it is excessive and negatively affects other people. Think about it.

[t_rod95]

Hi all glad I found this forum as it contains a wealth of useful knowledge but I need others opinions about a situation I have. I am 20 in college and have never really had a serious relationship. In the past year or so I started talking with some girls at different times and have been very close to BF/GF status with 3 of them. But for some reason after about a week or 2 of serious talking and going out with them I do something that inherently leads to them never wanting to talk to me again. Well the most recent was about 2 days ago when I did something that ruined any potential relationship with her. I got incredibly drunk and said some things that made her very uncomfortable. I don't know what I said but I don't remember but after that somehow I ended up in her apt and ended up locking her out for some reason. I think I thought they were already there and I had been staying at her apt for the last week or so so I guess it was out of habit but I have no idea why I went there. Well they ended up being locked out and the door had to be forced open. I didn't remember any of this and had to be told the next morning about what happened. I treid to call her later that day to which she didn't answer so I left a voicemail saying that I didn't remember what happened and that I was really sorry and normally don't make an *** of myself when I'm drunk and that I felt like giant sack of crap about what I did. Still haven't gotten any forms of communication from her.

Any help would be appreciated b/c I really like this girl but I know she will probably not forgive me.


thanks

Why is this a habit? You should have told her that if I do anything wrong with acholla then she would not be as mad

[bpep7877]

Your obviously not mature enough yet. No offense. Real solution ? Quit drinking...